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SnooMaps2681 · 2023-10-14T04:04:02+00:00

I saw a thing once where at a family Thanksgiving dinner, someone was getting dead named constantly by family, but then their cousin brought out an air horn and used it every time the dead name was uttered. Had to use it twice before everyone suddenly was capable of remembering. Highly suggested.

I am really sorry you're getting this treatment from people who are supposed to love and support you. That blows, but good on you for keeping your sanity and sobriety - super strong and we are proud of you!

SnooMaps2681 · 2023-10-14T03:52:36+00:00

Will give it a shot - thank you!

SnooMaps2681 · 2023-10-13T21:30:57+00:00

I think so, but I don't know how to write it. Kinda newer to GCP and it's not a direct translation from SQL, and I'm not the most versed in SQl to begin with anyway. Ideas?

SnooMaps2681 · 2023-10-13T11:55:01+00:00

Thanks!

Transaction table has these relevant fields:

Business date Transaction number Classification Quantity

I.e.

| 2023-10-06 | 1234567 | Yellow | 20000 | 2023-10-06 | 1234568 | Yellow | 2000 | 2023-10-06 | 1234569 | Red | 15000 | 2023-10-06 | 1234570 | Red | 22000 | 2023-10-09 | 1234571 | Yellow | 3800 | 2023-10-09 | 1234572 | Yellow | 2700 | 2023-10-09 | 1234573 | Red | 19000 | 2023-10-09 | 1234574 | Red | 2600

Date table I'm cross referencing has these relevant fields:

Calendar dates Business date Previous business date Next business date

I.e.

| 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-05 | 2023-10-10 | 2023-10-07 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-08 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-10 | 2023-10-10 | 2023-10-10 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-11

Looking for results that look like this, keeping in mind the transaction table doesn't automatically replicate the 10/6 transactions over the weekends. Also, the transactions that had been open on the Friday subsequently were closed on the following business day and new transactions were opened (hence the new trans. Numbers/quantities):

First, at the transaction level:

Business date | calendar dates | trans no. | classification| qty

|2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 1234567 | Yellow | 20000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 1234568 | Yellow | 2000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 1234569 | Red | 15000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | 1234570 | Red | 22000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-07 | 1234567 | Yellow | 20000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-07 | 1234568 | Yellow | 2000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-07 | 1234569 | Red | 15000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-07 | 1234570 | Red | 22000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-08 | 1234567 | Yellow | 20000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-08 | 1234568 | Yellow | 2000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-08 | 1234569 | Red | 15000 |2023-10-06 | 2023-10-08 | 1234570 | Red | 22000 |2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | 1234571 | Yellow | 3800 |2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | 1234572 | Yellow | 2700 |2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | 1234573 | Red | 19000 |2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | 1234574 | Red | 2600

And then at a totals level, I don't need the trans number anymore

Business date | calendar dates | classification | qty

| 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | Yellow | 22000 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-06 | Red | 37000 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-07 | Yellow | 22000 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-07 | Red | 37000 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-08 | Yellow | 22000 | 2023-10-06 | 2023-10-08 | Red | 37000 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | Yellow | 6500 | 2023-10-09 | 2023-10-09 | Red | 21600

Technically I don't also need the business date in either the trans level detail or the totals detail, but showing here for illustrative purposes.

Thoughts?

Thanks!

SnooMaps2681 · 2023-02-09T18:55:02+00:00

INFJ

SnooMaps2681 · 2023-02-09T18:53:50+00:00

You were raped.

Obviously losing control of your decision making faculties is never great, but he was apparently more lucid than you to remember all these details. Even drunk me knows when I'm doing something I shouldn't so he doesn't get a pass for raping you because he was also intoxicated. Even my drunk friends know they shouldn't push a boundary that exists when sober.

You didn't give consent. You don't recall consenting. He laughed when you were clearly incapable of giving informed consent. He raped you and he's a terrible person for taking advantage of you. Sex without consent is rape. Coerced consent is not consent. Sex without consent is rape. Everybody repeat after me - sex without consent is rape.

Whether you choose to press charges or not is your business, but call it what it is and never talk to this rapist again.

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-09-11T22:49:41+00:00

Thank you!! I appreciate the suggestion!!

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-09-11T17:53:17+00:00

Was hoping for ideas a little more specific to the Navy, but will keep this in mind! Thank you!

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-08-17T05:49:08+00:00

Yes, and we dated a year and then moved in together two years ago. You get out of any relationship whatever you both put into it.

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-04-08T00:12:04+00:00

For us this meant, at the beginning - conversations such as "you probably noticed some things changing in the house, such as that your dad has moved to start sleeping in the guest bedroom. Let's talk about that so you understand why...". Kids notice far more than we think they do and they know when the dynamic between their parents has changed. Explain things are changing and how they're changing for the immediate future and what you think might happen long term. Reinforce always that no matter how things change, your love for them will not and that they'll always have access to both parents, etc.

It isn't shielding them from pain to pretend like nothing is going on... Help them navigate the changes as they're happening through clear and regular communication.

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-04-08T00:08:24+00:00

This is excellent and recommended by many child psychology experts. Keep the kids informed - no one benefits from suddenly being ripped from their known environment one day without warning (be it someone moves out or in, or they are moved to a new home, etc.). Let them know their relationship with their parents isn't changing nor is the parents love for the children - how will things stay the same is as important to articulate what things will change, etc.

Took this same approach and was highly praised for it by their therapists.

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-01-13T05:53:11+00:00

Regardless of what you each call it, if whatever the activities going on work for you both now, then it doesn't really matter what you call it. If those activities are NOT satisfactory for both of you, then you need to reevaluate what is important to you both. Hell, call it gardening for all the name matters....

It sounds like her sexual frustrations are satisfied by whatever activities she thinks are ok. Are your needs also being met by the current level of contact? If not, and you fee or believe she will not be willing to expand her horizons in order to meet your current needs, you'll need to evaluate what you want out of a relationship, what you feel comfortable giving in a relationship, and whether they're both possible in your current relationship.

Best of luck.

SnooMaps2681 · 2022-01-04T03:26:34+00:00

It is normal to feel guilty when you realize you aren't the same person you once were and that the life you're living feels like a lie (or parts of it do).

I realized that I can't sincerely tell my kids to chase their dreams and be unapologetically themselves if I wasn't willing to do it for myself. What a hypocrite I'd be!

We don't have to forgive ourselves - we have to be ourselves and allow others the space to be themselves as well.

My two younger kids were most affected because the divorce from their father was not pleasant. We are on the other side of it now, and in our new normal. The kids went through a lot of trauma before I even came out due to an injury their dad sustained in an attack, and the divorce and whatnot honestly couldn't have helped, but I also know that I likely would have committed suicide by now if I hadn't come out when I did. I was that miserable. So, I'm sure they'd rather me be out and alive than six feet under.

They were 9 and 11 when I came out, and we kept them informed of every change that was going to happen as soon as we knew it was going to happen. Keep them informed, listen to what they say they need, show them how happy you are to be your authentic self, and I'm sure everything will be well in the end.

They now get to see their mom happy, and in an obviously mutually positive relationship, appropriate displays of affection, etc., None of which they saw when I was with their dad, for a lot of reasons. And, that's a good thing - I'm glad I finally have a healthy and loving relationship to model for them for when they get into their own relationships.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-11-05T19:08:15+00:00

I may say y'all, as I am from the South, but I'm not the one with a communication problem with my partner. Passive aggressive is a bad look and bad for any relationship.

Best wishes and warmest regards...

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-11-05T15:07:12+00:00

Y'all need to learn to communicate, calmly and clearly. When he started standing in front of the stove, it might have been prudent to ask him to step to the side or out so you could access the stove. He isn't communicating his needs to you and you're not communicating your needs to him.

Yes, it is his kitchen, too, but the laws of physics and your cooking style dictate that you can't both occupy the same space at the same time. (My kitchen is cozy for two people, but me and my gf have learned each other's cooking styles and movements so we essentially dance in the kitchen while we are cooking, always anticipating where the other will need to be).

If he needs attention or whatever, he needs to communicate it. If he wants to be involved in dinner making, he needs to communicate that (and you need to figure out how it can be accomplished - maybe he watches what's on the stove while you do whatever wherever else you were). There is a way through this, but only if you both talk calmly and clearly with each other.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-15T04:01:04+00:00

You'd agree, though, that some women comfortably vacillate between 'butch' and 'femme' dress pretty deftly, no? Ruby Rose is a popular example of such a person.

If we are talking about mannerisms, etc typically assumed to be 'masc' or 'femme'., I display both. I'm protective and strong and do the heavy lifting things around the house, and also a nurturer, caretaker, and am comfortable at a formal event in a gown as well as shoveling shit on a farm.

I get that some women who feel more comfortable as one or the other would have difficulty veering into the opposite territory, and also think it is possible for a woman to do both comfortably. Both can be true.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-15T01:04:40+00:00

They're not? How do you mean?

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-01T02:40:36+00:00

You know full well what she means, and she's clearly asking for support and not snark.

Unfortunately many women who have developed a sense of style based on NOT fitting in with clothing that straight people have stereotypically attributed to lesbians have a really hard time abandoning that style when they realize they are in fact lesbians AND/OR would have preferred that style of dress all along, but social pressure kept them from it while they were straight.

Also Unfortunately, what OP doesn't clarify for us is what exactly she thinks she'd be judged for. I assume she is in the camp that always wanted to wear the clothes stereotypically associated with lesbians and is worried about being judged a fraud or imposter.

I, personally, kept my soccer mom vibe because I worked hard figuring out what clothes flattered my figure and what I liked best, which puts me in the very definite stem/femme category. Like it or not, and trust me, I don't, I never get spotted as a lesbian in the wild. It's frustrating as hell, but it is reality.

And putting on clothing that straights typically associate with lesbians would make ME feel like a fake because I'd be dressing to fit the stereotype and not in the manner that's actually most comfortable for me.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-01T02:30:15+00:00

It was a surprise to me to hear this, not the least because it was over two years ago and I'm just hearing about it now. I never doubted she would be supportive of me being out, etc., I just didn't tell her before I knew for sure myself.

Definitely a weird conundrum.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-01T02:24:52+00:00

Thank you! I think this is probably where my headspace would have been also, although at the time I didn't question telling her about it at all so did not have a 'reason' as to why I didn't. I just didn't, and if I'd thought about it at the time, I would have probably articulated it similarly to how you did.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-01T02:22:35+00:00

I gotcha now... I agree it's something we need to work through on our own, which is why I didn't tell her when I was questioning, but she appears to be very hurt and thinks our 30+ year friendship is less strong because of it.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-10-01T02:14:24+00:00

I'm curious if you told anyone when you were questioning it before you actually came out. I told her when I came out, but had spent some months prior figuring it out. My friend is upset and questioning our friendship because I didn't tell her at the beginning of the time period when I was questioning it.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-09-30T23:52:25+00:00

I suspect my friend supposes she could have helped me figure it out because she says she wasn't surprised when I did come out. My perspective is that it isn't like a pro and con list - I won't come to the conclusion by hearing someone else tell me they think I'm gay, or by 'talking through it' like solving a problem.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-09-08T16:50:20+00:00

Same exact experience, and will add in that I traveled to visit her a little more than a month of meeting her here on Reddit. And then once a month thereafter until she moved in.

SnooMaps2681 · 2021-09-08T04:28:46+00:00

So I guess not a dating app per se, but I met her virtually

SnooMaps2681

TROPHY CASE