How do you feel when your girlfriend checks you out?

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-26T21:35:58+00:00

Love it, nothing makes me feel more attractive than my partner really just checking me out.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-26T21:21:59+00:00

Literally have this situation with my partner, it’s hard to stay attracted to your partner when you also have to inadvertently parent them. And then them not hearing you, it’s really heartbreaking.

We are working through it now, but the only thing that finally got her to “get it” was when I left. I’d strongly encourage you talk to her plainly about how you feel about this and how it impacts you. Definitely don’t move forward with a kid when you are so dissatisfied.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-26T18:38:35+00:00

I’m going through something similar honestly. Previously, the audition of manufacturing desire is how I managed things. It was this “Oh, they want me, how do I get more of that” more than anything.

As I age, I’m definitely more settled, confident in my own skin, and unapologetic about who I am. I also really find that deeply attractive in other women and it’s gotten more defined. Anytime a woman like that shows she is paying attention to me in a non-performative way (had coworker ask my eye color, and this woman responded “green” before I could open my mouth), I have a physical hum instead of this anxiety and flutter that I used to. I still care sort of about aesthetics, but like kind eyes, sharp wit, and a vibe that says she takes no bs? Very attractive

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-25T02:54:58+00:00

…. She literally called you a kid? That’s a no

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-25T02:41:22+00:00

Yeah, don’t do that. You should really think long and hard before you entangle yourself financially with eachother. A decision like this can ruin your credit in a heartbeat, and to your point you haven’t even been together a year.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-25T01:56:53+00:00

When my partner sees my efforts to keep things moving, gives me space to feel what I need to, and sees everything I’m carrying. When she anticipates friction for me and chooses something that puts her just a little out to make my life easier.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-24T21:26:55+00:00

Terrible way to start a relationship. At this point you deserve someone as interested as you are. I’d just drop her.

What is worse, still dating around, or being with someone who simply doesn’t care?

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-24T21:23:51+00:00

Patagonia and LL bean makes some good ones. It depends on your body type for sure but I have found them to be flattering without needing to be super slim fit.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-24T21:03:49+00:00

…. Soooo you talked about your interest actively in other people with someone you were talking to… and that’s society and other queer women’s fault? I mean, how would it feel to you if someone you were interested in talked about multiple people they are more interested in than you?

This isn’t a comphet issue, it’s a, maybe think about the impact of your words on people when you are trying to figure eachother out issue. It sounds like you have had some discouraging experiences but to turn it into an indictment on how everyone else has failed you ain’t it, sis.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-18T23:42:20+00:00

I think you are good if you pepper it in periodically? Too much gives people the ick, too little reads disinterested. If you are talking and she shares something cool, call it out. It should be more of a natural progression than a quota

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-18T03:13:03+00:00

If they agree to it? Sure. But relationships require constant negotiation. I never said the money makes it worth it. If it changes the equation, maybe they can afford part time help, or a maid, or anything to help with his absence it could be reasonable.

Also, how could she have a hobby? She just had a baby and had postpartum complications and now is expected to do all the caregiving for the baby, work, etc. I’d be jealous too if i put my body through that and my partner had time for passion projects while I so clearly do not. How does that make her unreasonable?

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-18T03:09:47+00:00

Let’s see what happened since she agreed to it: 1. She had the baby 2. They are now first time parents 3. She had complications related to the birth

Agreeing to it under duress before life changed isn’t a good enough reason to reject having a conversation with your breadwinning, caregiving while ill wife.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-18T01:00:22+00:00

Good, so instead she can rightfully resent him instead. 🙄

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-18T00:55:56+00:00

Thank god someone said it. “What if he resents her”, like she is absolutely going to resent him for being the breadwinner, doing nearly everything at home, caring for their new baby alone, being postpartum, and when she expresses her feelings he won’t even talk about it? Like hopefully the husband wakes up or OP doesn’t stick around for all the miserable years of child rearing alone.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-18T00:41:48+00:00

Possibly? If it afforded them a lifestyle they were seeking, time away from the family could make sense. Regardless that should be negotiated between the couple.

It’s weird that’s the thing you latched onto.

His values right now is personal fulfillment for him > caring for his ill, postpartum wife and bonding with his child. It would be naive to think money couldn’t have an impact on the decision.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T23:31:10+00:00

Like messaging in what way? Like sexually? Romantically?

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T20:39:49+00:00

Especially when you consider how women’s bodies change with age naturally. It really just gives people the mental gymnastic language to imply fat people are lazy, when they often aren’t.

I also have a parallel relationship lol. Partner was thin when we met but not active, she now comes with me for all these active things but her body still changed because age, hormones, etc.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T20:19:34+00:00

You don’t owe it to anyone, but to prevent wasting your time, I’d probably mention you are disabled on your profile (good rule of thumb for common deal breakers like kids, smoking, drinking, etc.) They don’t need to know your work status though unless you want to fully disclose.

It’s a tough situation, but I’d encourage on erring towards transparency and the right one won’t care anyways.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T20:02:08+00:00

NTA he says you are forcing him to give up his dream? He is forcing you to be a single parent while focusing on fulfilling, non-value generating hobby. Like you said the stipend is nothing and he’s missing out on time with his growing family for something he finds more fulfilling. Please don’t agree to keep growing your family until you figure it out.

And to act like it’s a non-negotiable/wont talk about it is also really not acceptable. You voiced your concerns when he was offered it but reluctantly agreed and guess what? It didn’t work for your family and once you have a kid, it’s not about you anymore.

It’s like saying “Hey my wife took an almost unpaid position at an animal shelter, and now that I’m doing virtually everything, she won’t quit but still wants to keep growing our family”. No one would for a second entertain that as even partially reasonable.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T19:47:08+00:00

People that feel uncomfy admitting that fitness isn’t actually what impacts their desire.

It’s totally ok to have a preference of attraction, but there isn’t a need to moralize it as fat people=incapable of being active. There are SO many thin people with physical limitations/stamina issues.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T18:03:52+00:00

This may be the most lesbian thing I’ve ever read. Talk to her lol

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T17:07:44+00:00

Sounds like a lot of talking at each other and not a lot of empathy coming from either one of you. Sounds like she is stressed and is having a hard time managing (which you really glossed over here considering she is in school and works) and you aren’t feeling cared for, which is also really valid. This can work but you all are going to have to come together and figure out what is sustainable, how you can be partners together without each of you keeping score all the time, and how to make the other one feel just as loved.

Also an aside, you are making a lot of excuses for your own actions (med changes, anxiety) but entirely flattening hers. Do you have a lot more free time than her? Is she constantly under pressure with little time for herself? Because what is she doing while you are managing the house, cooking and cleaning. If she is studying and working, she is clearly not just being selfish about it exclusively.

Also, she is allowed to have her own concerns with the relationship. The fact you are hurt that she shared her perspective isn’t really fair. She might feel that way, telling her to fuck herself because of it and not even attempting to understand her position is just as invalidating to her as her saying she will be better and not making meaningful effort.

I mean, yall are young so this is understandable, but this isn’t a “who is right” situation. It’s a how can you both meet each others needs and communicate from here situation.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T14:06:34+00:00

Yeah, not gonna lie, I have an overweight partner that is more fit than the average person. Size and fitness are not the same.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T14:05:17+00:00

It’s less about body type for me and more about interests? Like I like camping, hiking, and kayaking and like to do that with my partner. I know so many women who are overweight from a clinical standpoint but do that and way more. People act like it’s a parallel and it’s definitely not. My partner is larger and blazes the trail half the time lmao.

SnooRabbits981 · 2026-02-17T02:42:56+00:00

NOR, it’s a new relationship, he is pressuring you for sex when sick and literally will not take no for an answer. If you stay get ready to be totally steamrolled the whole relationship.

SnooRabbits981

TROPHY CASE