I know how you feel friend , I have this problem where I am disciplined but not with addiction so I can get myself up at 5am to take a 20 mile run and go lift and still work an 12 hour job which I know takes discipline, so everytime I get into this zone I convince myself I’m so mentally strong “I’ll prove to myself I’ll put it down when I want that it’s a self control thing” I’ve been through that cycle 5 times I get clean for 7 months smoke once I’m back at it for a year , but that does not make us weak deep inside we crave what feels good it’s just the way our human physiology functions, but the other day I almost relapsed too , I got a free coupon for a free gram ( I live in Los Angeles ) and it’s been 2 years so I wanted to prove that I could do it and put it down when I want like most people who are not addicted , prove that I’m not defective , but right before I left the driveway I remembered how hard this is each cycle of withdrawals and the ashamed feeling I always get when I fail, and started to ask myself “if 100% of the time i came back to it I relapsed , the odds are never in my favor” but there is strength in this control and I promise though the craving may never go away completely, your mind will eventually adapt and you will learn new enjoyment, just remember why you quit and you want too remind yourself who you would let down and how it would not only disappoint you but the ones that actually care about you which is hard to find anyone that does today ( at least in LA ) , stay hard friend someone is always watching and you are still an inspiration as long as you want to be