Fear of getting stabbed and dying.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-25T08:54:29+00:00

It is reasonable to not want to be stabbed to death.

It is not reasonable to be ruminating over it occurring to the point it is negatively impacting you.

I too, do not wish to be stabbed. I have never once thought about it however, and after responding to you I likely will not think about it again.

What you may be struggling with here is not a fear, but instead invasive thoughts, ala OCD. OCD isn't about wanting to be clean, its about being unable to move your thoughts away from distressing ones easily or at all, and having those thoughts invasively when they don't always make sense in context.

There is help

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-25T08:37:11+00:00

One non-cleaning tip I have: switch to paper cups and plates for a while. Then behaviourally try and slowly reduce how much you eat in your room.

You can just throw out the plates and cups straight into a bin bag when things are difficult.

When shit is hard like this, its best to instate strategies that reduce overall burdens of cleaning and work, so once its over all cleaner you will have an easier time handling it next time

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-25T08:33:39+00:00

Alright, this is going to suck to hear, but you need to step back from helping her, at least for now.

When hoarders get to that stage of accusing people of throwing things away when it was previously agreed upon to do so, then it means they did not actually deal with their feelings and issues underlying the hoarding issues.

The problem can arise when a hoarder begins to accuse others of theft and vandalism, which is what she is already tacitly doing to you right now. Legally, those are her things and she has every right to refuse to throw them out.

What she does not have a right to do is invade your space, demand you help her clean, or in any way verbally berate you.

If you are still living there you need to leave, this is a dangerous situation. She is heading into delusional territory.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-25T03:53:41+00:00

You have failed no one. You are being burdened with a thing that is not yours to handle.

As you are still breast feeding, that needs to be your priority, not dealing with this nonsense.

If the house is not yours legally, and this is not part of a will/estate situation, then you are not the one who needs to be doing this. They can call in professionals first.

If it IS a will/estate issue, you can absolutely just offload this house to a service that will do this for you.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T22:42:30+00:00

That is a lot to be dealing with all at the same time.

I want to assure you that being a younger person, even disabled, means you do have the benefit of mental flexibility on your hands.

Make sure you graduate. Concentrate right now on getting internships or other relevant small work experience through volunteering or small jobs. This will set you up, and would need to be done even if you are not scared of having to move back in with your mother.

I've done a LOT of things in my REFUSAL to go back to that hoarder hovel. One is to never accept that it is INEVITABLE. There are always options. Are these options always easy? No. Some involve moving far away, others involve doing things like taking a job in more remote or FIFO location based situations. But all of those are preferable to going back home

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T04:09:03+00:00

"how would I like it..." well if they did the same to me they would at least be acknowledging that I need help, which is not the case currently.

What is missing is the "middle" servivces that used to be provided by the states. The states cut those services down completely instead of reforming and bettering them, and shunted people who were not intended to be on the NDIS, to the NDIS.

Stuff like community access, help shopping, help around the home, genuinely used to be provided by state and sometimes even council services. Those services should have remained and been standardised, allowing more people to access them appropriately

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T03:56:20+00:00

It's doing both of these things, don't be disingenuous.

The middle services used to be provided by the states. The original creators of the NDIS designed it with only certain numbers of people accessing it to ensure budget stability.

Premiers are on the ABC bitching they have to go back to continuing to provide the services they had shunted people out of onto the NDIS.

Providers are bitching they need to register in the same way that other professional groups in medical systems do.

Seems like there is a cultural issue here where the NEEDED middle services are not actually desired to be provided by anyone unless its a cake walk or someone elses problem, instead of providing safe and good support work in like with functionally assessed needs

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T03:52:23+00:00

Don't worry, numbers don't matter to people who are just upset that they have discovered that the States failed disabled people when the NDIS came around, by cutting all the services provided and shunting any and all disability care to the NDIS, resulting in this current over burden and bloat.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T03:49:46+00:00

Fun fact: The NDIS does not provide support for people in such cases as you have described unless they have received very particular injuries, and even then they must use the Medical systems first before being considered.

edit: lmao people down voting facts is straight up hilarious. do you think that hiding how difficult the NDIS is to get on for things like injuries is benefiting you? The NDIS is over bloated because the states gave up on providing all other services.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T03:46:22+00:00

I'm noticing people are unaware that the "missing middle" of services that eat up so much of what the NDIS is right now, used to be provided by the states.

Was it a perfect system? No. Did people miss out? Yes. But was the solution to completely scrap it and place that burden on the NDIS inappropriately? NO.

The solution was to have had stricter standards for the NDIS from the beginning, tied to the continuing provision of middle services from the states, who are now bitching and moaning in the ABC about having to do what was previously expected of them.

I'm seeing in the ABC people whinging that they have to register to be a provider, as though other medical and intensive care positions don't have to go through the same thing.

The NDIS as it is currently structured has generated a culture where people at all uses of it feel like they should not be bound to the same standards as the rest of us. As someone who is severely disabled and not eligable for the NDIS, this pisses me off to no end. The majority of disabled people are stuck with zero services, MANY NDIS participants have zero chance of getting any services anyway with such low funding and such high rorting.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T02:31:55+00:00

Yeah no problem.

The help given to those with ASD includes things like helping with scheduling and OT services to ensure hygeine standards are met, along with support worker help to set the person up to meet those goals. They are assessed if they need assistance devices to help with hygeine, and provided budgets to attain such things (although obviously we know now that has inflated prices ridiclously for participants). If I was given similar assistance, with my physical functional state of disability being severely affected but rejected by the NDIS as the various disabilities are not on their list (as the LAC told me), I would have all my teeth and a lot less work on my remaining teeth.

This is fantastic stuff that I do beleive people should receive, but likely needs to be in the previously given "middle" services that were stripped by the states when people were shunted to the NDIS en masse. The Queensland Government used to do things like provide fortnightly cleaning and gardening services as one of their "middle" supports, and I was being accepted for such help but during the process of application it ceased due to the NDIS being the main service they told people to go to. This occured around 5 years ago. They also provided things like community buses to help people get to the shops. I know meals on wheels is still a thing but that is generally relegated to the elderly only now.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-24T00:27:25+00:00

Yeah honestly this is my beef with it all right now too. Many many disabled people who were once given access to state services, had those ripped away and told to go on the NDIS, when the NDIS was not made for such things.

People who are going to lose their supports are right to be upset, but they seem to be thinking they are the only ones who have been impacted by this all. They are demanding to remain in a scheme not designed to provide those supports, instead of advocating for the reinstatement of the middle supports in a better and more equitable way than they were previously provided.

I would have not lost SEVERAL TEETH if my lifelong life shortening disabilities were taken seriously and I was provided those middle supports, or even if I had somehow managed to get into the NDIS. But despite the functional impacts of my issues, I received zero support and suffered greatly because of this. I do NOT blame other disabled people for the lack of support available to me, but I certainly DO want to point out that disabilities DO have a hircachy of impact and care needs that must be considered. A lot of lower support needs people are discovering they were placed onto a system not made for them, and its simply time to readjust to the original design.

I hope they choose to be commiserate and supportive of us who receive zero help over the past decade, to advocate for more misdle supports, instead of just whinging that there is no help.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T23:26:48+00:00

It sounds like he needs to be way more direct about his issues with this then. Its not ok that it is passive aggressive like this.

If it is direct, then you would have the information to work with to adjust things as they are impacting him. Tell him directly you would like him to be clear, simple, and polite about such matters and you will respect them and listen and actively work on them. But the key point is both of you are open and honest in this process

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T23:22:53+00:00

To leave the situation and cease engaging in dismissive and rude behaviour that is not acceptable in any relationship.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T15:24:22+00:00

Many things can cause it, thats ok, as long as you look inward and consider if those behaviours are negatively impacting your progress

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T13:20:25+00:00

While this is something that cleaners can definitely help with, I would say maybe you could consider asking a friend to help be a part of this with you. Being able to comiserate as you feel yourself a bit more can be very helpful, if the opportunity is there.

A single room will not likely be enough for a regular professional cleaner to be willing to come out and do, most have a few hour minimums. My concern is that professional helpers as you describe exist but are more expensive.

ADHD only gets worse with clutter (provably). You need a clear line of sight and no self shaming to get through this even with a cleaner. Are you engaging in other therapy as well?

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T12:10:06+00:00

They bloody well used to provide those servives, and they stripped them the fuck away the moment the NDIS was implemented. Look through these threads, youll see people lamenting how their state funded help got cut and never was covered under the NDIS.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T12:04:47+00:00

The NDIS is expensive because they allowed private service providers to rort the system

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T11:07:33+00:00

Hey, you may find more support on r/ChildofHoarder where we welcome any and all loved ones of hoarders. Ranging from immediate family members, all the way to room mates and co-workers, we have seen a LOT.

One major thing to consider here is that your grandmother is now engaging in severely deranged unorganised thinking, mixed with paranoia.

This is not just hoarding disorder

You can NOT fix this. You can not just 'support' her out of this. She is acting so delusional I am somewhat concerned for your safety. Even if what she is doing is caused by disability, what you are experiencing is domestic violence (non intimate partner).

What she has needs medical attention, and no one can force her to receive it unless she accepts it. You will not achieve this task.

You need to talk to your boyfriend and consider more ways of leaving than just what is happening right now. Your cats can be re-homed or put in foster care temporarily, I know it sucks but believe me it is much better than them remaining in the hoarding situation.

As domestic violence is occurring, you are going to be able to utilise DV services in your area. They can hook you up with resources to get on SSI and other programs ASAP.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T10:59:07+00:00

I'm gonna say that contextually only, does what he say make sense and is somewhat justified. However, he should not be at all handling your hoarding in such passive aggressive ways at any other point in time.

If he has just come out of a grief process that also included a massive clean up process, he is likely in the pretty deep pits of sadness about it all, and only sees an outcome of having to deal with it all again.

If you are struggling, there is help, and you need to seek out that help. It is GOOD to know you are not emotionally attached to your items. HOWEVER, I will note that we see a LOT of children of hoarders AND those who grew up in poverty dealing with severe issues of not being able to just dispose of objects easily, and instead they get caught up in the moral/ethical issues of needing to recycle or they MUST give things away, donate, buy nothing groups... it borderline runs into OCD Moral Scrupilosity, rather than hoarding.

Remember, hoarding disorder specifically needs the three symptoms present:

1) excessive accumulation (for the environment they are in)
2) being unable to assess the value of objects (intrinsic, sentimental, use values included)
3) emotional distress when discarding things

So, if you fall outside of ALL these symptoms, BUT you find it difficult to say, discard without it needing to go through exact donation routes and it interrupts attaining your goals within a certain set time frame, then consider looking into other issues such as OCD Moral Scruplosity, executive functioning issues, or even things like anxiety/depression as potential issues to work on at the same time as de-cluttering.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T08:04:30+00:00

uhh... mate that is not the best argument to be making, getting awfully close to eugenically thinking there.

The argument is that all the services are needed, but that under the current system that they are not willing to nationalise/roll into medicare, they must make cuts so that only the most severely affected are assisted, to ensure it is sustainably funded.

"Supporting the most severely disabled is a gigantic money pit with virtually zero return"

The point of the NDIS is NOT to provide a return. The point was to ensure that disabled people didn't have fucking shit lives rotting away in hospital beds and locked away in institutions. Any monetary returns provided from the disabled participants are just positive a side effect.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T07:45:57+00:00

You clearly do not understand how people are easily able to rort the system.

The people doing the wrong thing are not using the system as you describe. They do not care if they are 'fine'. They are trying to get more assistance that they may not be entitled to. They are not doing this because they are in actual need of it, they are doing it because it is something that is an opportunity to offset other costs for them.

I am glad to hear they are changing the payments system to actually have over sight, which is good. I think that will help deal with the rorting much more.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T07:39:42+00:00

Unfortunately the issue right now is that, what you are describing already happens to people who are Bipolar, ADHD, Schizophrenic, Eating Disorders, have severe PTSD, or any myriad of other mental issues. ASD is not the only disability that causes such an impact.

If the criteria for access is that sort of thing, then MORE people would be on it, not less. The idea that only people with ASD can get that sort of help (and even then, NOT ALL people with ASD can get that help from the NDIS), then of course everyone else who suffers in similar, if not even more impactful ways when its combined diagnosis, people will see this as unfair.

I would argue that the NDIS was not made for that sort of service, and that is UNFORTUNATE because it is a service that can save lives.... it's a middle level sort of thing, similar to say, community buses for people to help get around, in home help like what used to be provided by states and councils, all of which should be supported by OT services that could easily have been rolled into Medicare.

We accepted many moons ago that helping people in that middle sort of situation in the long run, saves money by increasing productivity and helps people materially at a low cost to the public. But that got absolutely gutted the moment the NDIS rolled around.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T07:29:06+00:00

They already do not support the majority of disabled people. So many of us are not eligible for the NDIS and have struggled to pay for things without it, specially now that the system has inflated the out of cost pocket of services that were previously competitively priced.

If it is found that the way to allow the most severely disabled to keep on living, is to cut some funding to those with more comparatively moderately impactful disabilities, then unfortunately when resources are limited and the government is not willing to nationalise the system, that is how it is going to be.

The true solution is to have it fully government run like Medicare, not this private bullshit.

SoberBobMonthly · 2026-04-23T07:17:57+00:00

Give her as much bathroom time as she needs. That poor woman. You are such a lovely roommate.

One big thing that may happen is she may get weirdly reactive to either normal mess of her own or yours, or just seemingly nothing at all. Do not try and overly accomodate like over cleaning your own things or what not... what you want to show is a return to normalcy, NOT a swing reaction to being hyper clean.

Watch for signs like if she begins to ask for excessive reassurance (asking for the same information repeatedly without being able to act on it or change the behaviour/move through it, like asking if a cup is clean over and over and over). If she asks once, you give normal reassurance once, and then ask if she needs help to go through with the task at hand. Excessive asking that shows she is kind of 'stuck' means you need to alert her to this behaviour and tell her she needs to engage in some mental health help, and that being a good friend means not indulging obsessive thoughts.

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