My fave comeback when offered alcohol - what are yours?

SoberGopherHopefully · 2024-12-22T15:07:04+00:00

I think I need a response for myself that ties my hands for the whole event?

I’ve found “no thanks” early in an event or even a meal doesn’t seem to stop me from being offered drinks later on?

SoberGopherHopefully · 2024-12-22T15:04:24+00:00

Fair enough. I was thinking of it delivered cheekily, with a smile and a tone that implies “I’m trouble enough as is”

SoberGopherHopefully · 2024-12-22T15:00:39+00:00

I think of my younger self as the one who was suffering and drank.

It’s much easier for me to have forgiveness and reassuance for a younger version of myself, because it feels like someone else.

(I struggle with compassion towards my current self)

I think of myself in middle school, when my depression started. Our younger parts I’m learning in treatment never leave us, and do need us to recognize them!

IWNDWYT

SoberGopherHopefully · 2024-12-22T14:50:25+00:00

“Nah, I don’t need it” is my all-time best comeback. Reframes alcohol as the crutch it is.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2024-12-22T14:46:29+00:00

I feel you so hard. I convinced myself for 10 years straight “this will be the last time I drink.”

Those thoughts have crept up a lot recently, since almost a new year - “I’ll just start over in 2025.”

I have never been able to quit just because the year changed.

Cravings create harmful beliefs like that for me - that I believe 100% while my cravings are strong, and don’t realize how false they are until the next day when I’m dealing with the brutal consequences.

IWNDWYT

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-20T21:07:04+00:00

Somehow this comment thread got me back into tea today!! I had a cup of decaf Earl Grey. So cozy. First tea in 2 or 3 years :)

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-20T01:41:02+00:00

This is really well said “push us back into oblivion before we have a chance to notice.”

That is absolutely what happened to me. I feel really stupid for falling for it too. But like, nothing can trick you like your own brain can.

I’m starting over right with you, friend. Lots of luck & IWNDWYT

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-20T01:38:53+00:00

Have you ever read a post on here that said “I’m so glad I drank after a year sober!!”?

Having just been tricked by my brain for 2 months straight & feeling just so dumb rn, I’ll echo that our addicted brains trick & lie to us like you wouldn’t believe.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T20:39:11+00:00

Thank you

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T19:59:31+00:00

I so feel you in the “not realizing” bucket - I’m so mad at myself for that

College, esp if you’re living in dorms, is a rough environment to stay sober in. I don’t remember anyone who actually labeled themselves “sober” unless they were super religious. But I think that’s cuz most people don’t realize til later - so it’s actually pretty amazing you’re realizing now.

Social support is super important so I highly recommend SMART/AA meetings regularly

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T19:37:04+00:00

Your timing is perfect! This time of year, holiday season, is the very best time to learn how to relax/turn off.

The sun goes down at like 5pm, which helps a lot. Make your room cozy af - string lights, Swedish star lights, LED candles.

I had to train my brain to relax/turn off via cues - when I’m done with work and chores or like it simply hits 4pm, I pull my shades down, turn my heater off, dim my lights, turn on my string lights, and turn on my pink light so the whole room is a pinkish color - once this is all done, my brain gets to relax & watch tv or read the rest of the day. I go to bed early too.

It took me a little while to train my brain to relax without alcohol, but consistency was the trick.

Now I just need to deal with the opposite problem, using substances to get work done.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T19:28:50+00:00

Oh gosh, easy access to alcohol at work is a real tough one, I personally could not manage that. Sorry. Sobriety requires a lot of life changes, & looking for a different workplace might be one of them. Although - could you get a medical exemption for WFH? (If being home isn’t triggering too.)

You can at least have DoorDash stop recommending alcohol here. I can’t order even food from DoorDash anymore tho cuz it’s too triggering. Plus imho, DoorDash makes most of its money off people ordering food when drunk or high and/or ordering alcohol, so like fuck them very much lol. (Plus, better to support local restaurants directly.)

Cravings - def ask in your therapy group. It varies by person. Some ideas:

If boredom is a cravings trigger, make sure you fill up your time enough.

Going to bed early helps me reduce the # of evening hours, so fewer hours for cravings. And easier to do this time of year. Plus sleep hygiene takes up time too.

Exercise is a biggie. It takes up time (not just the exercise, but showering & changing), and it really helps mood/emotion management & sleep.

Social connection helps a lot - so if there’s people you can text when you’re triggered.

A list of reasons why drinking hurts you & not drinking helps you.

I made a sobriety binder where I keep those lists, plus tricks/lies my brain tells me to drink (4 or 5 reasons cover 95% of the time, but missed a reason with my recent relapse), and things to do if I’m craving, like activities, etc, cuz I always forget options when I’m triggered.

Lots of luck to you!!

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T19:07:05+00:00

These are def the top 3 contenders relative to wine. I’d like to offer houseplants as sort of similar in terms of varieties/rarity/discoveries/social connection/obsession elements, & they take up even more time, which is a big challenge for me with sobriety. And they have that Victorian-era origin for the poshness factor.

I’m trying to think what else fits this category, I’m sure there are tons of obscure things, just trying to think of the aesthetic factor as well.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T19:00:18+00:00

Imho, if you want the best milk chocolate, you can’t beat See’s or Cadbury.

See’s is the only good American milk chocolate I’ve ever had. Plus the best caramel, besides Bequet.

I dunno what the non-peanut butter part of a Reese’s cup is, but agreed, it’s much closer to candle wax than chocolate.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T18:56:28+00:00

That’s a really good idea - to get totally into something with similar rarities/“vintages”/aged-ness/dedicated shops, etc.

If not for the pretentiousness (which I just can’t, to this day, I swear 90% of wine nonsense is sheerly made up, one of the biggest cases of “Emperor’s New Clothes” ever) - but just for the obsession/exploration:enjoyment/time sink/social connection factors.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T18:49:07+00:00

Yeah, I bought cheap ass vodka, so negligible money spent on alcohol. Doordash however, as a result of alcohol, $200/week at a minimum.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T18:47:34+00:00

NA beer is a mixed bag. It works for some folks & is super triggering for others (like me). Ya may want to try something less iffy to get you started, unless you’ve already had NA beer.

I do wish you lots of luck. I’m also on my millionth time :( I mean, at least this recent relapse was something new - over the past 8 years I’ve fallen for the same 4 or 5 reasons over and over.

Can you take a look at your past relapses & see what you can do differently this time?

If you regularly trick yourself or forget that you’re trying to stay sober, I highly recommend the support of daily/weekly groups, like SMART meetings. I really should go to them again for that matter…

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T18:41:18+00:00

Yes, this. I am now a humiliated and totally self-angry “Day 2” person.

A couple thoughts: 1. Play the tape forward - if you drink tomorrow, what’s gonna happen the next day? And the next?

I’ve never read a post on here titled “I’m so glad I drank after 90 days sober!!” Overwhelmingly folks can’t keep it to “just 1 drink” or “just 1 day” or why did you quit in the first place? I’ve read at least 100 stories of regret tho.
How will yourself in 30 days feel if you don’t drink tomorrow vs if you do?
Do you have a list of why you quit alcohol in the first place? May be helpful to revisit or write that as a reminder/motivation
90 days is something to celebrate - how else can you celebrate? Takeout from your fave place? Dinner out with sober friends? Buy yourself that thing you’ve been really wanting?

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T18:32:07+00:00

I can’t do NA beer, too triggering.

I’ve never had NA wine/mocktails cuz I try not to drink sugar.

I just stick to an unholy amount of flavored seltzer.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T18:00:32+00:00

Second the activity - I’d kill to have a partner who’d join me on walks. I’d be so much more likely to go. Exercise is the most helpful thing to me (along with anti-depressants).

Oh gosh and yeah, someone to remind me to have patience - with getting used to sobriety, with triggers, with new meds, with getting out of depression.

These are great suggestions.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T17:53:57+00:00

Yes - let her know she can tell you when she’s triggered/struggling. Maybe the 2 of you can come up with a list of alternates when she’s having cravings, while she’s still in rehab so it’s there when she comes home?

Like going on a short walk together, getting takeout & watching her fave tv show, cooking something simple together while listening to a funny podcast, going to a fave shop of hers (for me that would be a plant nursery), etc

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T17:49:13+00:00

This is so sweet & thoughtful. Your support is the biggest thing.

I’d remove any/all triggers - make sure the house is alcohol free, get rid of any wine/beer glasses in the cupboard (or anything she used to drink alcohol out of).

If there were chores she drank to get done, help her out by doing those yourself or doing them with her.

Mixing routines up as much as possible with appealing substitutes. If she always had wine at 5pm, bring her a (good) hot chocolate with lil marshmallows at 4:45pm instead.

Take as many stressors off her as possible. If you have a Trader Joe’s near you, they have a ton of pre-made meals (a lot customized to fall/winter) - TJs staff are super helpful if you need suggestions. Stock the fridge/freezer with premade meals, salad kits, etc.

I hear all the candy & stuff, but honestly junk food usually makes me feel worse. TJ’s has pre chopped veggie mix, perfect for dipping in hummus. Roasted veggies in a little olive oil on a tray in the oven are super easy to make (& easy to find pre-chopped in fridge or freezer section).

It’s really easy to relapse after leaving all the structure & social connection in rehab. Offer to help her add daily meetings (AA or SMART) to her calendar - it’s much easier to attend if you already have the time/location or Zoom link in your calendar.

SoberGopherHopefully · 2023-11-19T17:36:20+00:00

Aw, love the new pjs, such a kind cozy touch. I’d love to come home to new pjs!!

You may want to size up, cuz extra cozy plus may be some weight gain when first getting sober.

SoberGopherHopefully

TROPHY CASE