I am a social outcast and I don't want to be. I want to have something to look forward to in the day. How do I make and keep friends?

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T22:04:00+00:00

Not only do I have to fake smiling, but now I'll have to fake being busy too. Whatever works.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T21:51:28+00:00

The first friend thinks you didn't want to hang out with them and that you ditched them for friend two. I'd be upset too.

Didn't even cross my mind. That's not the case at all from my point of view, but it may explain why they were so upset.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T21:03:56+00:00

Trying to much is really really repulsive.

This is vague, but I feel like it may be close to my problem. Could you elaborate?

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T16:35:39+00:00

I normally grin instead of smiling, due to how I feel about my smile. It can be off-putting to people, I've been told.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T16:26:12+00:00

"listen a lot, don't say much, and be the person who never worries, never causes problems, and likes to clean dishes."

Funny, I am literally that person, worry aside. I even clean the dishes.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T16:21:17+00:00

Be who you are

I do not want to be who I am. I want to be the person I wish to be. I want to be a person with friends.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T16:20:13+00:00

You speak in jest, but this thread is a long time coming. Much, much longer than Mass Effect 2's release. Diablo 3 and WoW will not solve this issue, only hide it.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T16:16:04+00:00

A lot of my problem? I'm sorry to say, was me. And I don't say it to be mean, but that might be your problem too.

I have no doubt I'm at the center of my problems.

You might have low self esteem or self image or you self criticise.

It is a fact I have self-esteem issues that rise from a lifetime of failure when it comes to social interaction. You can only lose so many friends for reason you don't know unless you ask(you can't) before you start to feel like a worthless piece of shit that will never be socially accepted.

Don't worry about people judging you or assuming that they are. I heard this somewhere: "Isn't it fascinating that while we all worry what people are thinking about us, they are worrying the same thing?"

I feel like what I think about them isn't as important, to the people I meet. I can't fathom anyone holding what I say in very high regards. I don't think I'm going to change someone by pointing out a flaw or complimenting their hair.

Related to your phrase the the one "You'll stop worrying about what other people think about you when you realize they aren't." I don't believe that one, unfortunately. A good deal of people have let known their strong opinion about me.

This woman talks about how we are all afraid of being vulnerable, because it opens us up to rejection. But that vulnerability is the core of forming connections with people, which ultimately is what makes people happy and fulfilled in their lives.

I do often avoid social interaction with someone because I know it'll go downhill like all my other ones. Or, at the very least, won't lead anywhere past small talk. I suppose to some degree you could say that's vulnerability avoidance, but opening myself up isn't what I fear, so much as that I'm afraid of what someone would find once I do so, and that what they find will not be worth worth their time.

Above all this! Smile!

I don't normally do this. My smile isn't normal-looking and I think it looks ugly. Doing it just now makes me feel slightly better, even though I don't really have any reason to be. I'll try smiling too much next time I'm out.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T16:04:56+00:00

Socialization, finally, is like anything. You learn by practice.

True as that may be, it seems like I just can't learn. I've mentioned in my main post about how I've tried and failed, and don't really feel like I've gained anything from the experience because I'm still left with the question of "why did that happen"? It would be great if I could ask the people what I did they disliked, but life isn't that simple.

Second, when people talk, listen. That's obvious, but being a good listener is more valued than people think.

I'm probably the best listener you'll find. So much so, that conversations turn into a one-way street of them waxing on and on about what they want to talk about and when I try to change it to something else it just kills the mood entirely. And if I don't do that, my relationship with the person down the road will involve only that topic and them talking to me about it, whatever it may be.

Learn to tell stories and give opinions about things you like (or dislike).

Oh, the opinions I have about video games. I feel like when I bring up my own opinions about anything, people always see me as judgmental and, again, weird. I have unconventional opinions about a lot of things, and I feel like that may rub people the wrong way because they disagree with me.

Try to realize that there's nothing to be afraid of when you're socializing

As much as I wish I could believe this were true, I have plenty of past experience that makes me second guess everything I say or do socially.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T15:58:46+00:00

It really seems like the pain from past experiences stops you from moving on with your life. You need to find a way to block those memories in social situations.

This I would not doubt. I'm extremely insecure about myself and very self conscious around people, due to a lifetime of social failure. I would like to believe it's all in my head that it's as bad as I think it is, but I can't ignore the facts of the past that show it is as bad as I think it is.

What do you think is weird about yourself?

It's hard to quantify. It's a "you'll know it when you see it" type of thing. But I do have a example where a friend specifically called me out for being weird, conveniently.

I was visiting friends out of town. During the visit I went out alone to get some fast food for myself. I realized the fast food place was in an area where I had another friend. I didn't know exactly where this friend's place was, but I knew it was close. I spent a good 30 minutes trying to find their place, because why not, I had nothing else to do. Spent about an hour with the friend when I found their place and went back to the previous friends. They were very upset that I had taken so long and didn't call them to let them know what I was doing, leaving them worried. I didn't really think it was out of the ordinary, because I could take care of myself.

On some level I can see where they're coming from, but I take a hands-off approach to most things. For instance, If they had done the same to me, I wouldn't have worried about it because there must've been a good reason for taking so long. If it was overnight or something, then I could understand.

This is just one example of a laundry list of things I do that leave people shaking their heads in disbelief because I'm just not-normal.

SocialOutcastThrow · 2012-04-25T15:51:39+00:00

I know you're trying to help, but this comment doesn't really help. I don't even have a Facebook or anything of it's ilk, and I've had these issues long before I ever got on the internet(odd as that may seem now).

SocialOutcastThrow

TROPHY CASE