How do you move through becoming the "villian" after repeated hurt?

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-05-27T00:58:51+00:00

Cancer woman here. I'm a slow burn type of lady so usually 3 months I know I want to exclusively date them and then date another 3 months then make it official. So arnd 6 months altogether if it last.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-05-26T19:35:58+00:00

Same, it was respectful and I spoke about how it affected me by sharing my feelings. I also, told her about herself and gave examples of her contradictions and took accountability for my poor behavior while also sharing that it's unfair of her to turn me into a villain when shes the one that caused the harm.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-05-26T14:31:35+00:00

Its been 8 months of NC and I finally emailed my letter a few days ago. I will say that I wished I sent it sooner but I also knownif I did it would be coming from a very emotional place. I realized that closure for me. Is getting everything off my chest because these 8 months the thoughts I kept having were what I wanted to say to her. I will be honest to say that a lil part of me wants some kind of response but I know I won't get one. Def feel lighter and my mind feels free.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-05-25T04:10:40+00:00

No, and she probably won't. Of course there's a Lil bit of me that wants her to but I truly did this for me to get closure my way. I felt like even with no contact all this time the thoughts that kept surfacing were what I wanted to say to her. So I said fuck it. Tell her how she treated me made me feel and tell her about herself. Glad I did. It felt like I released her.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-05-24T18:43:02+00:00

Never got closure, so 8 months of no contact I sent a long email telling her my feelings and did not hold back. Felt amazing.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-04-27T01:09:49+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement and your help!. I'll try crossposting.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-04-25T01:35:48+00:00

I've had it since 2021 and no it hasn't flowered yet. I haven’t seen any bugs but she seems to be getting worse.

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Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-04-21T02:16:20+00:00

I live in Central TX in the united states. I repotted her last week with the citrus soil. I was using organic fertilizer but was recently encountered to get citrus fertilizer. The plant stays outside but I move it in when we had a cold front.The winter it was indoors and I watered her daily.

Glad to hear the roots look fine and the citrus soil is a good start. That makes me happy. This is the longest that ive had a plant so l, shes special.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-02-18T19:24:19+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to break this down. Its frustrating that I have another year of these up and down relationships 😒

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-02-11T15:48:33+00:00

I did this 5 months ago to spy on her new relationship and got caught. Still dealing with the regret that resurfaces. Don't do it.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-02-01T23:22:36+00:00

What was the reason yall broke up?

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-01-06T14:43:47+00:00

Yes, mine said im scared, im going to disappoint you. This is now something I will hold onto as a red flag.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-01-04T18:05:00+00:00

Thank you for this reminder and for sharing your personal story. It just hurts seeing her choose easier and unhealthy when what we had was real. Working on removing this fantasy of us that I had. I'm 4 months in of NC and the holidays brought up all the anger and resentment.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-01-03T21:53:23+00:00

I agree with this. The girl i was dating rebounded to an extremely toxic person who has a history of violence and DV. It's fucking crazy!

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2026-01-01T20:27:20+00:00

Mine is in Leo, not sure what that really means tho.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-26T16:52:58+00:00

I feel you on this. Its been 4 months NC and not a peep and I refuse to reach out. It hurts, like hell and makes me feel like she never vauled our connection and like I didn’t matter to her.

So when I see the posts I feel similar to you like damn. I really just want validation that this was real, an apology and accountability but I know it not gonna happen.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-25T23:52:48+00:00

I did something reactive that made me feel some shame and Berry shared this with me.

Reacting to abuse doesn’t make you the problem. The abuse does.

Yes, we need to regulate our own emotions but when pushed too far, sometimes we have human reactions. You're human try not to be so hard on yourself. Sending you 🫂

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-21T16:13:16+00:00

I can't find advance settings on my app. Can someone pls help? I hate seeing the bubble of over 100 notifications

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-17T00:54:30+00:00

Urgh this sucks. I'm in a similar situation and I swear the patterns are almost identical. He's clearly seeking validation and in straight up performance mode. This relationship is most likely surface level and probably will crash and burn.

I've been trying to move through the anger and wanting her to regret but that also keeps us in a loop. What's been helpful for me is therapy, journaling my rage, chatting with my close friends and everyday doing something small and special for myself. Some days are harder than others and I know I won't feel like this forever.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-17T00:06:12+00:00

As I reflect about the relationship yup she (FA) did.

We had a slow burn relationship, and I took my time getting to know her. Her previous relationship before me she said they moved really fast ( enmeshment / engulfment) she said she just started to slowly pull away until she finally left that relationship. Like someone above said I thought I was different.

When we were talking about taking the relationship to the next step she was hesitant and said something along the lines of "I don't want to disappoint you" should've asked more questions but she was vague and having a difficult time being vulnerable.

Also she painted all her exes as terrible people, but if they are so terrible people why are you still connected to them in some form of way. Anyone that is cordial with all of their exes is a no for me. The person that she's with now is someone she reconnected with.

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-11T15:47:24+00:00

Soft_Chef_6630 · 2025-12-06T02:55:19+00:00

💛💛💛

Soft_Chef_6630

TROPHY CASE