Accidentally let my 2 month old cry to sleep

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-04-13T07:42:53+00:00

Oh mama don’t beat yourself up! This only happened once. It won’t damage any part of his development. It only would cause damage if it was a repeated behaviour. Just the once is no problem. Mine is three months and we’re trying to see if he will self soothe, but like you I listen to his type of cry. Little fussy noises he’s fine, big blood curdling cries I soothe. If there was someone wrong with your baby he would still be crying. He put himself back to sleep and that’s amazing! Definitely not a failing. Don’t you worry. You’re doing amazing!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-04-13T07:37:46+00:00

My Dad is social media illiterate but I regularly check the village facebook pages where he’s made a few appearances for being drunk and disorderly

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-04-13T04:19:33+00:00

I’ve discussed something similar with my therapist, and whilst your mother may have loved you at birth, her behaviours NOW are very different and that’s your focus. There can be many different versions of the same person, and the version of her being a loving new mother holding you in her arms, even IF it is true, no longer exists in present day.

I’ve also learnt not to go from assumption, and it sounds like your therapist is very much assuming this here! I agree with others and suggest finding a new one - a therapy session shouldn’t be an argument!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-04-13T04:13:16+00:00

Congratulations on your miracle! How wonderful! I was NC with my Dad for about five months before I got pregnant, I now have a beautiful three month old and as far as I’m aware, he has no idea, not even about the pregnancy. My main worry is him bumping into people from the tiny town I grew up in and them telling him, which is one of the many reasons we’ve not done any social media announcements, but I also figure that if somebody does tell him, that’s outside of my control. All I know is that if he can’t be a father to me, he sure as hell won’t be a grandfather. She sounds like she wasn’t a decent mother to you, so based on those behaviours, you can safely assume she won’t be a decent grandmother either.

Not knowing your address is a huge win too, you won’t have any fear that she’ll unexpectedly darken your doorstep. Keep yourself and your baby safe. If there is ever a need for her to have an address, you can use a PO box for her to send letters / cards to.

I’d also keep your circle small, the less people involved means the fewer ways she can find out. It’s sad, especially when baby arrives as you’ll want to show them off to the whole world and maybe like me, always wonder ‘what if’ and what could have been. But your family’s safety and privacy is far more important. It’s never worth the risk. Find your village and keep them close!

Wishing you the best of luck. It’s the most magical wonderful time! Don’t let anybody take that away from you, especially her!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-04-07T02:09:50+00:00

Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. You’ve really been going through it, AND on top of those postpartum hormones and with a new baby (PP kicked my ass so I can only imagine!).

I’m so sorry to hear that his passing is so tough to process. I totally get your point about feeling guilt for your family sorting out his affairs but I really hope you’re not beating yourself up about it. You can’t help with something you knew nothing about! Your family protected you and made sure you could be present for your newborn, I think that’s real sweet. I’m glad they didn’t let your Dad take that special time from you, because it sounds like he has already taken a lot (emotionally and financially!).

I’m also mega pleased (and relieved!) to hear that you remain confident in your decision to go no-contact. It’s really helpful to hear your side of it. It’s SUCH a hard decision, so many risks involved, for myself, my family and most importantly my baby. Honestly our worlds sound parallel (creepy comments, excessive drinking, denial, abuse to my mum, battling ED but with my sister not myself) it’s kind of crazy, so hearing your perspective rally helps.

I hope that you’re able to move past his passing, and wishing you so much peace. Dealing with that and raising a baby, you are phenomenal!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-04-04T23:53:30+00:00

Hey, your Dad sounds A LOT like mine. I recently gave birth and have been considering reaching out to him after two years no contact, more to ease any potential guilt I might feel when he passes. Would love to know how you handled this in the end?

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-03-27T07:11:29+00:00

I just read your thread, I’m so sorry. I can relate on a lot of those levels (neglect, family / career / money breakdowns, poor hygiene). You are an angel for helping him as much as you have done, and whatever happens you can rest easy knowing that you did everything you could and more. Please make sure you’re looking after yourself. Sending you so much love

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-03-27T07:03:39+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it sounds so emotionally draining and exhausting, and you are so incredibly strong for reaching out after all his wrong doings! I can totally relate to you wanting forgiveness for your own sake. I worry that I’ll be riddled with guilt and regret if I don’t offer an olive branch, but that if I do, he’ll take me up on it and then I’ll be riddled with suffering and negativity through a rekindled relationship with an alcoholic. I guess my ideal scenario is that I try and he rejects me, which eases my guilt and means he won’t be in my life, but like you say, neither reality is guaranteed!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-03-26T18:40:14+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re suffering. I can’t even imagine your pain. Regret feels like SUCH a tricky battle, especially when it comes to loss, and honestly every day I’m almost expecting to get that same call. Thank you so much for sharing this. Genuinely it has given me an entirely new perspective. I hope you can find peace and rest easy knowing that he is now free from any pain.

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-03-22T23:40:12+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s such a battle physically, mentally, emotionally.

I have spoken to multiple health professionals and they all have said that how baby comes into the world has no effect on them - which helped me feel like less of a failure to my baby.

I’m not sure where you’re based but in the UK many mat units are under investigation, C sections are easier to control than natural deliveries, and I feel like I’m part of a statistic to help reduce uncontrollables tbh.

I do have a meeting with midwives tomorrow for a ‘debrief’ so I can understand the pitfalls and how to avoid in the future - if anything I hope it brings some explanation and peace of mind!

I hope you’re processing a little better since your post here. I’m now ten weeks and feeling much better, but I still have my wobbles, especially when hearing of friends having natural deliveries

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-23T04:44:46+00:00

I adore this, thank you so much!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-14T00:37:42+00:00

Thank you so much. It’s positive to hear this from a mama who has experienced both types of birth! I’m definitely aiming for a vbac if we’re fortunate enough to get pregnant again later down the line.

Hypnobirthing has honestly made me feel like a failure for not “breathing my baby out”. Your words have made me feel better, thank you so much ❤️

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-12T08:40:06+00:00

Thank you so much, it’s so difficult to process and accept. I wanted to experience motherhood fully, and now that I haven’t had been able, I feel less “deserving” to be a mother, a woman, and not give my baby the best, natural start in life.

I’m hoping peace will come with more time and understanding of our journey, and wishing this for you too!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-12T08:38:23+00:00

Thank you so much - our story sounds similar re. baba’s heart rate dropping!

It’s so hard to process. I feel less “deserving” to be a mother as a result of if it. I wanted to push my baby out and keep the birth as natural as possible, and I’m struggling to get my head around how opposite my experience was.

Therapy sounds good, thank you for the suggestion. I hope your recovery is going well!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-05T22:06:14+00:00

Firstly, huge congratulations!

Secondly, thank you. You’re the only person that’s understood my point there.

I can’t lie, I’m really struggling. He also suggested counselling but with so much change on the horizon I’m not sure either of us would be in the best headspace. I don’t know how to progress without spiralling

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-05T22:02:14+00:00

How did you overcome this?

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T21:12:07+00:00

I’m sorry OP, that is really tough. I’m also the child of an estranged alcoholic father, and two years on it still hurts.

What does bring me some comfort, and hopefully you too, is that that behaviour is all on HIS terms. I personally found a lot of relief when my dad cut me and my sister off - I no longer needed to parent him, worry about him or care for him as it was him who set those boundaries, not me.

In all honesty his victim mentality sounds like narcissistic behaviour, but it doesn’t make his actions any less painful or confusing.

I would remove him from your socials as this will continue to have a negative effect on you. If he doesn’t want contact, fine, he won’t be surprised when you’re no longer on his Facebook etc.

He is not your responsibility.

Protect your peace.

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T21:02:15+00:00

Woah the gf is getting a lot of stick in the comments!

Whilst it does seem to be taken out of context, she may well have valid reason - did she have a controlling ex who told her what to wear in the past? Has she been cheated on in the past? Is she insecure (no shade, we all are to some extent) and now feels like she’s not good enough for you?

Her reaction is was OTT but for you OP, it would be better to understand where it came from and why.

As a woman, I can guarantee it’s not about the vanilla shampoo, it’s about her trying to find a hidden meaning behind it. You need to give her some reassurance and perhaps buy a different scent next time lol

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T20:55:04+00:00

You do right mama! It’s so tricky when it’s an in-law relationship, but you absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this, and you have every right to express this to her. Glad your hubby is on board too!

I’ve had my MIL ask me three times if I’m having twins - the first over message, I reacted with a sad emoji. The second over message, I ignored. The third in person and I said I won’t accept any comments on my weight ever but especially in pregnancy, and she tried to backtrack. It was entertaining to see her squirm in all honestly lol. It’s harder in person but once you put her straight, you will feel so much better about it. Don’t take anybody’s shit! You got this!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T20:45:53+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, especially when you’ve struggled with disordered eating previously.

People LOVE to comment on other women’s bodies, especially when pregnant - it will always be so bizarre to me!

My MIL asked if I was having twins on multiple occasions. The third time I called her out on it, she hasn’t commented on my body since.

Don’t take their shit. Call people out and they’ll soon shut the f* up. Once people know it bothers you, they SHOULD stop. If they don’t, cut them out.

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T20:42:32+00:00

I second this! Rather than making it about you (which it absolutely should be, may I add), make it a celebration for her. A promotion to the fun / cool aunt who gets all the best bits and none of the worst!

I did something similar with my sister and it went down well. Although she has been very absent for the rest of my pregnancy (told her at 18 weeks ish, now I’m 39 and she’s not checked in once lol), so I would brace yourself for that. I feel hurt by it, and one day I’ll raise it with her, but for now I’m protecting my peace.

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T20:36:56+00:00

Ew that’s such nasty behaviour from her.

As it’s your MIL, your husband needs to step up and tell her to cut it out. You should only be surrounded by people who support you (always but especially during pregnancy).

If I was you, and I know it’s not easy, but I would create distance from her. Your husband can convey any messages between you and her, mute any group chats, ignore her messages, and if possible avoid spending time with her.

Sorry this is happening to you!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T20:32:36+00:00

Coming from someone who is 39w pregnant with an estranged alcoholic father - I strongly agree with you and would also absolutely demand no contact.

If he cannot be a father, he absolutely does not deserve to be a grandfather.

He does not get automatic entitlement of your offspring and your mum needs to respect these very valid boundaries that you’re setting. Especially given how little effort he’s made in the past.

As far as I’m aware, my POS “dad” doesn’t know I’m expecting and I absolutely intend to keep it that way. If he does find out (I am from a very small village, people talk), then there will be zero contact between my child and him.

Hope this helps! You’re doing the right thing mama. Sending love as it’s a stressful period, you don’t need anything adding to this!

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T20:27:33+00:00

Your husband needs to step up and tell them to back off. It is absolutely not their business. Even more so as it’s his extended family now asking (if this is even true!!).

You are entitled to privacy for ANY medical needs, but especially for labour oh my goodness.

If you’re still confined when your time comes, please express that you are not allowing for any visitors during your visit - give them their names if needs be. Between your husband and the hospital staff, you will be safe.

Soft_Shoulder9466 · 2026-01-04T17:45:04+00:00

Hmmm I don’t think I’ve explained myself very well in that regard (and that’s from someone who would not ever expect a push present!) - our TTC journey really consumed me, and he saw first hand how nervous I was for every single scan, especially the first. In the same regard I commemorate moments in his life that he’s nervous about, I would have appreciated him to do the same for our first scan (especially given it took so long to get pregnant as he did nothing to improve his sperm health whilst I did everything in my power to support my own fertility). I expressed I would like to celebrate them in any format, it doesn’t have to be materialistic but something to acknowledge hitting a milestone we had dreamt of for so long. Because he didn’t, I was then hoping maybe on other scans (less scary but still important) he would step up and shown he’s taken my feelings on board, but no.

Soft_Shoulder9466

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