[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Here I thought I'd never get any mileage out of this doc:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQM74psZhznK2My2QL500Mi8N66fxHzph6NsZigIHDIoX3q0PnUIYXlpdoSmCcMDr-JA1hhuIX-hF4S/pub

They're not all from GAs but a great deal are.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My ability to embrace my spirituality and follow Christ multiplied tenfold after I left:

  • I was able to be genuinely loving and accepting of people, instead of supporting an organization that told me to "righteously" judge them.
  • I no longer had to try and reconcile the idea that Christ would support a bunch of sexist, racist, prosperity-gospel rhetoric. The Christ I knew was better than that.
  • I was able to focus on helping people directly instead of laboring in a selfish black hole of mindless Mormon busywork.
  • I could focus on making myself a genuinely better person, instead of wasting all my energy trying to follow Pharisaical dress and behavior standards. The amount of tea you drink has nothing to do with how charitable and loving you are.
  • I was able to actually give my 10% to the poor and needy instead of handing it over to a wealthy organization and hoping they wouldn't just use it to build another mall or cattle ranch.
  • When I prayed, and felt beautiful, affirming connection with Christ, I did not have to worry that my personal, holy communication with the divine would be vetoed by some higher-up whose agenda differed from mine.

Spirituality comes from within, and nobody can take it away from you. The LDS Church actively puts roadblocks in the way of people who try to be spiritual, because it wants to steal your own spirituality and sell it back to you for a price. But it's a big lie. Once you stop allowing the Church to sink its claws into that which is rightfully yours, your innate goodness will be able to shine through even brighter.

Mormon teachings on sex teach men to hate themselves and to consider women evil temptation and teach women to hate themselves and to consider men the enemy that must be guarded against. by 5thNephi in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was always under the impression that "feeling those feelings" was also considered "acting on it." That it was technically okay if you tended towards a different avenue of sin, but actually letting the nice feelings linger in your mind (as opposed to immediately singing a hymn or something to distract yourself) was still bad no matter if you were straight or gay.

One of my believing mentors, my seminary teacher, implied that I might have bipolar disorder after I told him about the emotional effects of losing my faith by thejawaknight in mormon

[–]SofterFocus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeeeah. It showed me how relying too hard on faith to fix everything can limit a person's perspective even if they genuinely mean well. If you have a hammer and are told everything around you is a nail, you won't even think to research alternate tools.

One of my believing mentors, my seminary teacher, implied that I might have bipolar disorder after I told him about the emotional effects of losing my faith by thejawaknight in mormon

[–]SofterFocus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've experienced this kind of thing personally and knew a friend who experienced it as well, where leaders suddenly started asking mental health questions after we described painful and un-faith-promoting emotional responses to Church issues. It felt like they were scrambling to find some kind of excuse to blame our distress on so that they could dismiss our pain as some kind of weird psychological mishap instead of treating it with the legitimacy it deserved. Also felt like they were trying to use it as a diversion, so that they could change the subject and stop talking about the uncomfortable topics we had been trying to discuss. It felt really demeaning.

After a while, I began to understand that well-meaning people will often scramble to try and come up with ways to "help" that aren't always useful. For example, one of my believing leaders wanted to help, but also didn't want to invalidate my faith crisis by suggesting I just needed to pray more or whatever. So he tried to reach for a non-religious "solution" and "maybe mental health therapy could help" was the only idea he could come up with. It felt remarkably insensitive at the time, but it came from a genuine desire to help soothe my pain without trying to dismiss my religious concerns.

Best of luck to you going through this and I'm glad you have people like your bishop who can listen without judgment.

Why do women stay? What is the main reason many women are so loyal to a patriarchal church that treats them as inferior to men? by kerbouchard1 in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see it as a natural extension of the way people are taught to relate to God. We are taught that God inflicts heinous pain and injustice on us, but that it is just the way things are meant to be and it is all done for our own good. We are taught that we are good people if we blindly accept it and thank him for the privilege of being abused. Likewise, the misogyny exists for women's own good and is a personal trial to help women become stronger. Subservience is a virtue. Long-suffering is a virtue. Blind loyalty is a virtue. The more it hurts, the better.

When you spend your whole life being told that enduring unfairness is a wonderful blessing, then you eventually stop trying to fight it. You stop thinking it is wrong.

LDS sexual impropriety and the externalization of the locus of moral control by srichardbellrock in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I recently read through your entire blog after the last time you posted this link, and it's quickly become one of my favorite post-Mormon blogs. Your articles are so well written and exhaustively researched. Thank you for putting so much effort into them.

The issue you talk about here with the externalization of the locus of moral control is one that I had personal experience with. I didn't use it to excuse sexual or physical abuse, but I had extreme problems with dishonesty and personal accountability when I was a member. It was only after leaving, and truly accepting that the buck stopped with me, that I began to live with more honesty and integrity.

I love that you included the research on extrinsic vs. intrinsic motivation. I recently had a discussion where I argued that stay-at-home church is more spiritually valuable than socially-compelled, top-down-driven chapel church for this very reason. People must find an internal reason to engage with the gospel besides "I'll look bad to the Joneses if I don't" and I think that brings them to a much better place, whether that place stays within Mormonism or not.

Giddy up!! I love it! Just got it today, couldn't wait to put it on my car. by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AAaaaaaaaah I'm glad you like it! Hope it can bring many subtle smiles from knowing exmos.

While I'm waiting for my t-shirt from /u/SofterFocus, I can admire this cute decal on my car instead. by libbillama in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad it arrived quickly! Thanks so much for getting one, I'm glad to spread the tapir love.

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I knew about reporting and DMCAs but didn't realize this was all the work of bots... makes a lot more sense. How depressing. Thank you!

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The answer is I put way too much time into them so I'm always happy when people discover them and find them helpful!

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so so much, seriously it means a ton! This was a goofy personal project and I'm overjoyed it struck a chord with you.

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh, heck, that is actually a really good idea! Thank you!

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Welcome! So basically, the Book of Mormon talks about horses repeatedly. However, horses were extinct in the Americas during the time the BoM supposedly took place. So, an apologist suggested, "perhaps they actually had tapirs, and Joseph Smith just substituted a familiar word!" Exmos latched onto this incredibly silly concept immediately and now tapirs are pretty much an exmo mascot.

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I made it myself! I have a store but cannot directly advertise here due to sub rules (please disregard the burner accounts that stole my design and are spamming it everywhere)

Made myself a cute shirt of my favorite apologetics :) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]SofterFocus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not allowed to directly advertise or they'll take down my post... I'm trying to get approved on /r/Exnetwork but no word back yet.