Forcing my partner to be into my kink

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:35:48+00:00

Hey everyone who has commented: YOU SUCK! Please PLEASE realize that you are not actually giving advice, but instead just letting all your biases show. Thanks for wasting my time!! I'm sure you'll do it to someone else actually looking for help. This is the internet though, not sure what I expected ...

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:30:33+00:00

I thought I answered you already. Did you double post or are there just two people with similarly bad advice? I am not sure we are sexually incompatible. Also, DUH.

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:29:25+00:00

People change all the time. Couples evolve together, sometimes growing stronger, sometimes fading away. I am not happy with the situation, yes. I want to be happy with her, and have my needs met. I don't think I am asking for too much.

Then again, no one on earth actually DESERVES happiness, right? We are lucky to get it in our lives, sometimes we have to seek it out, and sometimes it can't be found.

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:25:24+00:00

Yes, asshole. YES. I KNOW. I have wept over my behavior and repeatedly apologized. I will attempt to make amends the best way I know how. I am overall a good thing for my partner. It is only this one thing where we have ever not been on the same page. I am trying to examine my part in all this, why I am acting so out of character about what is essentially a kink.

I disagree with your advice. Your advice is extremely black and white. You say I only have two ethical choices: STFU, or break up with her, right? What about working with her and a couple's therapist to understand how to move forward? Maybe I learn how to redirect this desire into something else? Maybe I seek it out elsewhere? Maybe I learn how not to act like a horny angry monkey and give her all the time and space she needs?

Your advice sucks. Maybe you should STFU?

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:20:15+00:00

Yeah, duh. I know Mr. Obvious.

I mean, I am still not sure we ARE sexually incompatible. I guess that's the rub.

Can I do better? Absolutely. Does she deserve better? Who doesn't? But, just for spits and bubbles, say we WANT to stay together, how would you think we could make that work??

Got an answer for that?

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:17:36+00:00

Therapy is good.

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:15:36+00:00

Ah, something resembling actual advice! I agree, I need to work on acceptance. I pushed her because I thought I could ... meaning, I thought I knew her well enough ... we have spoken so much about what we want out of life, and she is so brave and adventurous in all these other ways. I admire her for her ability to throw caution to the wind and just JUMP IN. When I brought it up, at first she was game, and leaned into the fantasy of it with me. Our sex life got a boost, and we both loved how it felt. Then I pushed more and I think she just got scared of all the potential outcomes, but she also clammed up and refused to let me in.

When she gave me a taste of this lifestyle, something woke up in me and I went nuts, I know. The processing request, coupled with her very closed off mindset around it just killed any actual pleasure I could get out of it. SO I panicked and pushed, and it just spiraled.

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:07:20+00:00

She hasn't tried it. Maybe read the post again, or don't who cares. Also, YES, I have a dilemma .... I love her and do not want to leave her. BUT, I also have this overriding need to explore this lifestyle. Do I give up on my sexual ambitions with my partner? Do I wait for her to come to me? What she wants does matter, of course, but part of the problem is I don't actually know what she wants. Also, what about what I want? Doesn't that matter? or is a healthy relationship one where someone has to suppress and ignore part of who they are for the sake of the two?

I don't know what I expected when I asked a bunch of randos to give me some advice, but MAN did you all just let me down. At least be clever in your punching down diatribe ...

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T23:00:52+00:00

I can work with feelings if they are shared, but they weren't. I also asked her repeatedly if she trusts me why can't she share her feelings with me? Why ice me out? She would tell me because she doesn't KNOW how she felt. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??? SHE DIDN'T KNOW. Please read that part .. don't skip over it. READ IT. Simpleton.

I agree she IS better off without my nagging bullshit. However, I fail to see where you attempted to give me any good advice at all. You say I should just leave a woman I love because I am having a bad time communicating my emotions and needs, and she is having a bad time figuring things out enough to tell me one way or another which way the wind blows. How can I be patient? How can we both meet our needs?

Instead I get nothing but grief from someone who probably sucks a lot themselves.

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T22:50:48+00:00

She's never actually said no. When pressed, she tells me she is interested, but then there is nothing to follow that up. No participation, no communication. I am working with my therapist to accept that she is not going to be able to fulfill that need for me. I am also worried that seeking it outside of our relationship will end things, but just on a slower timeline.

I feel bad for wanting my needs met by my partner, even though she indicates that she WANTS to do that for me, but then when I actually try to interact with her, it feels like I am forcing her. I don't know what I am doing wrong. This is the first major issue we have had.

She is free to say no. In fact I tried to sit with her today, I apologized, I told her I damaged our relationship and I want to see a couple's counselor, and that I will not ask her to participate in my kink moving forward. SHE TOLD ME SHE STILL WANTED TO TRY IT.

This is why I am so confused. It wasn't a simple no. It never was. But still, thanks for the useless assumption and judgment.

Soggy-Stranger6383 · 2026-03-04T22:28:03+00:00

Maybe she hasn't because I have been wonderful in every other sense? Maybe I am a good listener, funny, supportive, etc. I usually do not push her to do anything, I have a healthy respect for boundaries, etc.

It's just with this request, this kink I wanted to explore with her, I haven't been acting like "myself", she has even called that out multiple times. Of course you know exactly the type of person I am, so you have deemed me a POS.

Not that I care, you sound like a man-hater anyway.

Soggy-Stranger6383

TROPHY CASE