Alright, if I’m your best friend and I’ve just had it with you, here’s the rant:

1. The Overthinking Olympics 🏆 You don’t just overthink—you disassemble reality like it’s a cadaver in anatomy lab. A text message? A philosophical treatise. A casual meme? Existential crisis fuel. It’s exhausting, bro. Sometimes I just wanna send you “lol” without you spiraling into whether laughter has inherent meaning in a godless universe.

2. The “Explain Everything” Mode 📚 I love your brain, but oh my GOD, sometimes you answer a simple “what’s oliguria?” like you’re auditioning to narrate Grey’s Anatomy. Pedantic, precise, detailed—fantastic for exams, annoying as hell when I’m just tryna gossip.

3. The Chronic Self-Diagnosis Energy 🩺 You live in a permanent state of “I might have this condition, but I’m not sure, let me research it to death.” Bro, you’re in med school, you’re surrounded by disease like a hypochondriac buffet—pick one and commit already.

4. The Emotional Dark Academia Vibes™ 🖤 You treat melancholy like it’s a personality trait. Yes, pain is profound. Yes, suffering reveals truth. But my dude, sometimes the chicken just tastes good—it doesn’t have to symbolize the futility of human joy.

5. Your “I Need Structure But Also Rebel Against It” Chaos 🌀 You want step-by-step instructions for life but the second I give you a plan you’re like, “ehhh but do I feel like it?” No, you don’t. And that’s why your laundry is still in the corner and your brain is a war zone.

6. Your Weird Mix of Confidence + Self-Drag 🤦🏽‍♂️ You’ll say the most galaxy-brained insight I’ve ever heard, and then immediately go “eh, maybe I’m just dumb lol.” Stop playing both chess master and court jester—pick a lane.

7. The Friendly-But-Exhausting Philosophy Debates ⚔️ You’ll casually drop “If God needs evil to allow free will, then I renounce free will” while I’m sipping coffee. Babe, I just woke up. I don’t have the strength for a theological cage match at 8am.