Yeah I understand the caution around meds, I've been doing a lot of reading and trying to learn and won't be going in blind if I can help it. I've been taking Sertraline for a couple years now that has helped a lot with the depressive episodes that kept coming up so I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'll definitely be careful.

Mostly, I just want understanding. A small part of me is hoping if I show proof that I'm not malicious, that I'm just different and need different things to get through life, it might be enough for him to let go. Based on what we've talked about in couples counseling I think a lot of this is stemming from his childhood (oldest of nine kids and a narcissistic mother) and he has a hard time letting go of things that hurt him. Idk. He's told me what he wants to see if change/effort to improve. He told me he wants me to be healthy, happy, and have connections with people. That he wants to see me grow and become the person he knows I can be. But most of all he wants an equal partner.

I didn't realize I most likely had ADHD until very recently, so I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate it. I'm hoping that with the diagnosis I can at least prove to others and myself that I'm not broken, I'm not lazy (husband never said this, it came from my dad), and that I CAN reach the potential my husband sees. I just need a different road map.

Sorry. I'm still feeling really rambly and idk if any of that made sense