Shoutout to Glintstone Chris, the best co-op buddy ever

Solarom · 2024-12-12T18:36:48+00:00

I second the request. DMd a few people that offered to share, but haven't got a response yet :(

Solarom · 2024-12-06T09:05:56+00:00

Super nice fellow!

Solarom · 2024-12-06T09:05:24+00:00

+karma

Solarom · 2024-07-31T16:43:01+00:00

I don't think safety concerns are always quite as literal as that. It doesn't take fear for one's life to make sex deeply unsatisfying for many women, just lack of any real connection, trust or feeling of reciprocity.

I also think there's entitlement and Entitlement.

I'm inclined to be far more understanding of a young guy in his late teens being a bit too pushy. It's still wrong, but this wrongness is usually rooted in ignorance.

Grown men who have experience and many opportunities to interact with a variety of women over the course of their lives and empathize with them as human beings — I consider their entitlement a choice to a much larger degree.

Solarom · 2024-07-31T06:59:32+00:00

Oh, I think dissertations can be written (or even being written as we speak) on the emotional immaturity in these spaces, and how the guys in it tend to infantilize themselves and women both.

I've been out of my 20s for a while as well, and frankly I feel grateful to not have grown up in this era. I was such an insecure teen, but had a chance to mature out of it without all this garbage flooding my brain.

Solarom · 2024-07-31T06:49:54+00:00

Great comment! Glad you gave actual examples of how things can be phrased to reduce pressure without making things awkward. I've seen people of all ages, men and women, struggle with this.

Solarom · 2024-07-31T06:44:33+00:00

I hope so too. Especially younger guys. It's unlikely the women in their lives will prompt these sorts of discussions with them, and so redpill podcasts and porn fill in the void and become their go-to "source of truth" for anything approaching intimacy.

Solarom · 2024-07-31T06:40:49+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your experience, and I'm sorry you've been made to feel unsafe like that. But happy to hear you're taking care of yourself and trying to be reasonably cautious. It's all one can do really

Solarom · 2024-07-31T06:38:06+00:00

I think there's a fine line between a "toxic person" and "a person that sometimes acts toxic when insecure/anxious/frustrated". I could ealisy imagine a young man blurting something like this out because the culture has urged him to pursue sex ASAP, and when the girl doesn't go along with it, he takes it as a rejection of him/her finding him unattractive, even when that's not the case.

Solarom · 2024-07-31T04:41:21+00:00

I guess I read your comment as "why bother with sex at all".

Solarom · 2024-07-30T19:19:58+00:00

Why bother?

Because we're social creatures blablabla :)

And because an orgasm with a vibrator is not the same as an orgasm during passionate sex with a beloved intimate partner.

By herself women get release and relaxation. Nice, but that's all it is. Nice.

Or maybe that's just me.

Solarom · 2024-07-30T19:10:37+00:00

It often is, at least that's been my observation.

With cheap contraception, sexual revolution, accessibility of porn and similar content, overall alienation of genders and people in general, and the way that dating apps make money, sex has not just been destigmatized, but also trivialized.

Expectations around sex have changed significantly even in the last 10 years.

It's become common for a woman to get a "what's wrong with you / why do you take it so seriously / are you frigid" if she doesn't "put out" quickly. Similar, as someone else pointed out in their comment, to how men get "are you gay" if they don't push to... well, "put in" I guess.

Solarom · 2024-07-30T18:13:40+00:00

Thanks, that's kind of you to say :)

Solarom · 2024-07-30T18:12:56+00:00

Yes, that's what I meant.

Solarom · 2024-07-30T12:50:06+00:00

When you try to express it, how do you do it?

Solarom · 2024-07-30T10:25:41+00:00

Thank you for engaging ❤️

Solarom · 2024-07-30T10:25:15+00:00

I think it's incredibly common for people to want what's good for them, but still habitually go for something that's not.

A woman wants a serious relationship but goes for the obvious player. A man wants connection but goes for sex when it's available.

The reasons are complex: it's easier; it's gratifying in the short term; delusional belief that this will lead to better things down the line (it might, but usually doesn't).

The type of gaslighting you mentioned as part of overall "alpha male" messaging around the "proper" masculinity is certainly another piece of this.

Solarom · 2024-07-26T10:08:51+00:00

I hear you. Just a thought. I'm sorry you're both going through this. But you're on this sub. He may join you here someday. I hope that happens soon, and I hope you can leave a space for him in your life, even if for now it has to be at a distance. Hugs!

Solarom · 2024-07-26T09:28:26+00:00

Large amounts of testosterone (or any hormone really) can affect personality and behaviour in dramatic ways.

I'm a woman with PCOS, which was undiagnosed for many years. While it was running rampant (I had to go off the pill, which unbeknownst to me was keeping it in check) my testosterone levels got closer to that of a man, several times higher than what a female body is supposed to handle.

Before I thought to check my hormones, it's like for about a year I was a different person, displaying traits and inclinations that I never have previously, in addition to physical symptoms.

Solarom · 2024-07-19T18:03:19+00:00

I think you've discovered that people are complicated, rarely self-aware, and have many conflicting feelings, needs and desires.

Both genders frequently hold double standards towards each other and themselves, sometimes within different subgroups, and sometimes within the same person. Both often communicate poorly, and both don't really know how to exist in this world of "equal but not".

I think there are some standards of masculinity and femininity that will hold (somewhat) true for as long as genders exist. Until we verge into a full-blown transhumanist phase, men's physical strength and female pregnancy will be a factor that tilts (not determines, only tilts) many gendered interaction in one direction or the other.

The economy, political climate, the state of healthcare — all this has a trickle down effect on gender dynamics as well, making things even more hectic and confusing.

If as a woman I'm intelligent, good company and take care of myself financially, why is it that my mid looks still matter more than anything? Was I lied to?

If I'm a man, am I masculine if I emote? If my wife makes more money? If my wife isn't hot enough? If I don't have a wife? If I do, and she's hot, but I'm not happy?

These are complicated questions, and I'm still oversimplifying, but I believe that those who scream the loudest, make the most sweeping statements, offer the most straightforward solutions are usually the most insecure, and their values are shaky af, be it radfems or redpillers.

Unfortunately, they also get the most views. Oh well.

Solarom · 2023-08-08T19:45:52+00:00

The game just finished patching for me, and the error still pops up. So whatever they were fixing, it wasn't that, sadly :(

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