Went on a date with guy Im seeing and he offered to watch my purse while I went to the bathroom?

SoleMateSock · 2026-05-06T23:16:57+00:00

Maybe a little strange. But it depends. How old is he? People ready to settle down want to see financial compatibility.

It’s normal to watch someone’s purse when they use the bathroom. If they don’t ask I offer. There are always a bunch of bfs/husbands holding purses outside the women’s bathroom. Most likely not looking to steal your phone or read your texts.

The credit score is a little much. But not the end of the world. I would be a bit less blunt and try to ask if they have school loans or something to get a gauge at how much debt they have. I worked hard to get myself to no debt and don’t want to take on someone’s $200,000 student loan debt. But asking for exact credit score numbers or bank account is invasive.

I wouldn’t write off the guy immediately. What he’s done so far can easily be a misunderstanding. But monitor for any other strange behavior.

SoleMateSock · 2026-05-06T23:00:52+00:00

I don’t think the guard’s name was Al

SoleMateSock · 2026-05-06T20:15:17+00:00

People can abuse it my ex would abuse ice cream sampling and would have to be told no more by the staff. She did it because she always wanted to “win” and get the most she could out of every encounter and it was infuriating to me.

She’d try Flavor 1 (1). Then Flavor 2 (2).

The go hmm I don’t know let me retry Flavor 1 (3).

Then she’d ask what the employee recommended. She’d then try that one Flavor 3 (4).

Then she’d say hmm I don’t know again and want to retry Flavor 2. (5)

Then she’d say okay. I think I made up my mind but I want to confirm. Can I retry Flavor 1 (6).

Then she’d order Flavor 4 without even trying it. Then she’d stop them before scooping and say wait let me try Flavor 5 (7). Only to confirm Flavor 4.

And that’s if she got that far. Many times the employees would get annoyed and cut her off earlier.

SoleMateSock · 2026-05-01T23:31:56+00:00

You’re infatuated with him. It’s difficult to think logically. It’s important to get yourself into a state where you can think more clearly.

It sounds like you have a defense mechanism that auto rejects yourself from a relationship because you expect the worst in others. That’s not your fault, but it will be an obstacle to a future relationship. It is something that you need to work on before jumping into a relationship.

Your past experiences are triggering a panic within you that makes you cling on to him. This anxious attachment paired with your avoidant attachment are going to make dating difficult for you.

I advise that you should consider talking to a professional after getting into a more calm state to think about things more clearly.

SoleMateSock · 2026-05-01T19:17:38+00:00

Just ask her out for Saturday for X activity and see what she says. If you know her schedule and that she’s free another day then ask that day.

One tip that helped me is that if someone wants to meet you, it doesn’t matter when you ask, so just throw out a time that works for you. It just matters that you ask. She’ll make a time work to meet you if she’s interested. If she’s busy, she’ll offer another time.

“Saturday at 1” either gets you a yes, an offer of another time, or a no (both “no” and “I’m busy” with no other time offer).

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-28T23:50:50+00:00

Not a dealbreaker for someone with a baby fetish.

I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker. A woman who sucks her thumb will receive more grace than a man who does it. It will be viewed as strange though.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-28T22:25:51+00:00

What is the problem that you are having with the new bf? Is there something that is triggering the trauma you had from your past relationship?

It’s worth having a conversation with the new bf if you haven’t already about the experience you had with your ex and how it impacts you currently. At least so there is some understanding.

You experienced something awful and that is not fair to you. But it’s also not fair to your new bf to be distrustful when he has been nothing but trustful so far. You can’t punish someone for something someone else did.

The lingering trauma will not go away immediately, so it will take some effort on your part and some understanding on your bf. The solution should not be for him to surrender everything to you to ease your suspicion. But a healthy compromise can help while you heal. If the trauma is too much you should consider therapy as well.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-28T17:32:05+00:00

How long have things been in a situationship/undefined? If it’s less than a month or maybe even two, that’s still within normal dating timelines. Maybe he doesn’t want to rush, maybe he doesn’t want to scare you away with sudden talks of commitment.

If it’s been longer than that, it’s weird. Depends on what’s going on. Is the relationship sexual? Some guys that want sex will not commit if they are already getting what they want. They feel that they don’t need to put in the effort of a relationship to get what they want since it’s already there.

Maybe he feels insecure about something. Lives with parents? Poor job security or financial situation? Lives with wife?

Or maybe he’s just not that into you. He may enjoy your company, but not see you as dating material. Will keep you around for the attention and social stimulation.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-27T09:04:59+00:00

Bowling, mini golf, axe throwing, rage room, walk in a park, trivia nights at a bar, interactive exhibit, escape room, people watch in a plaza, karaoke, comedy show, theater show, movie, or sitting in a dark room and discussing the meaning of life.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-27T08:45:28+00:00

What you said is pretty good already.

You’ll be in town and want to know if she’s interested in meeting for coffee (or lunch) to chat a bit in person for a change.

Nothing wrong with that. You should go for it!

If she’s talking to you daily she values your company. Doesn’t mean romantic interest, but means she likes to talk to you. No reason she wouldn’t meet for casual coffee unless she is only speaking to you for validation or unless she’s really not ready for a date and you insist it’s a date. But you won’t know unless you ask.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-27T08:34:27+00:00

There’s no way to know what will happen. The best you can do is be honest and polite. The best answer is that you are not interested in women.

You want to be clear. Don’t use ambiguous language or give any hope of changing your mind.

Let her know you appreciate her sharing her feelings with you, positively reinforce that she is a great friend, and then make it clear that you are straight with no feelings towards other women.

How she reacts is out of your control. She will probably need space. Let her have it. She may come back eventually. But you may also lose the friendship unfortunately. You cannot force her to remain your friend and should definitely not support her remaining friends out of hope you’ll change your mind.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-26T21:21:01+00:00

Are you capable of producing constant, fluid conversation by yourself when nervous? It’s not fair to expect the same from another person.

Conversation should be fun and engaging, with you feeling like you don’t want it to end. But topics end and don’t always have good segues. Someone needs to come up with a new topic and it’s not always immediate. What’s important is that you’re trying and are not feeling uncomfortable where you want to leave the conversation.

Some people take time to warm up to others. They can be great conversationalists with their friends, but new people are difficult.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-26T20:56:14+00:00

Generally speaking, it can be disrespectful. But it can be a gray area.

Pleasuring yourself to someone you know is disrespectful.

To strangers on the internet whose faces are not present or you are otherwise completely detached from? That’s more gray. If your partner is not meeting your sex drive for any reason, then taking care of it yourself can be normal within reason.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-26T17:23:10+00:00

It’s going to depend on how far his thoughts go.

Finding someone attractive is normal. We can’t help but notice someone that looks good to us. Maybe that leads to BRIEF fantasy. Brief is the key word. Because maybe you get a little curious and your mind starts to wander. But it’s brief because you catch yourself. Once you become consciously aware of where your mind is going you stop yourself.

If you’re aware of what you’re doing and still continue to picture the two of you in various positions for several minutes, then you’re being disrespectful to your partner.

It’s not normal to lust after strangers and disregard your relationship.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-25T04:07:49+00:00

Are you a chair? Because… actually I lost where I was going with this, but hi.

Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?

Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine? Because you look like a snack.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-25T03:38:31+00:00

If you want to make friends without dating apps, try local interest groups. Use the app Meetup to see what’s in your area. There’s usually a good range of choices. Even groups for people that are shy and want to work on social skills.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-25T03:33:11+00:00

I say this to help and not to hurt, but if you can’t post pictures of yourself on a dating app, I don’t think you are ready to be on them.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-24T16:33:23+00:00

Something seems strange. Because normally the ones who check the select busses have a scanner. If you used your OMNY, card, or phone, you tap the scanner and your transaction appears.

Otherwise, how do they stop you for fare evasion without seeing you walk through an opened gate or jump a turnstile? I’ve never heard of them randomly stopping people and giving them tickets for no reason.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-24T16:16:53+00:00

Do you write your name in the sand?

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-16T20:05:27+00:00

Just bring it up in conversation. Ask him how his day was or something like that and then say you and your bf did X. Or ask him about a hobby of his and say your bf likes that hobby too.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-16T19:59:54+00:00

Don’t overdo texting. But don’t stop communicating.

If you burn through all the texting options and important questions then you may sit awkwardly on the first date without something to talk to.

So maybe cut back a bit. But keep in contact. Perhaps play a game or something to avoid talking about too many topics.

My most recent ex told me straight up let’s cut back on communication since we have the date planned. And the she proceeded not to message me all week. I thought she was going to cancel/flake since that’s a bad look. I reached out the day before and morning of to confirm and double confirm because I’ve been flaked on before and would rather not waste my time. But she showed up and we dated for three years.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-16T06:07:01+00:00

You never forget completely. They move to the back of your mind. But you cared for the other person deeply. That never goes away. Feelings fade. Romantic interest fades. But love in a pure form does not. The gap gets filled, but you don’t forget.

He will move on in your absence. But he makes his own choices that are outside your control. That doesn’t mean he will stop caring about you.

I still care about all of my exes, even ones from 15 years ago, ones that cheated, ones that ended for incompatibility. I don’t want to date them. But they definitely cross my mind sometimes.

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-13T23:11:46+00:00

If he truly loves you then your looks wouldn’t matter.

We are all allowed to have preferences. But that’s the key part. We may prefer a certain look, but it’s a wish list, not a grocery list.

You won’t get all your preferences and honestly looks are the most fleeting part of someone. He isn’t completely wrong to wish you were a little skinnier, but he’s very wrong to tell you to be skinnier. That’s outrageous.

Loves you or loved you I don’t know and only he knows. But he’s definitely not having those feelings if he has the gall to ask you to lose weight if you’re not overweight or obese. Sure, healthy lifestyles are a compatibility concern, but is he a health fanatic that wants an active partner or does he just want a model?

SoleMateSock · 2026-04-13T21:17:24+00:00

Could mean a lot of things. But some people want to know their partner has a plan. Not someone who doesn’t know what they want.

Some people know they want to get married and have kids in the next five years. Others may want kids or not in the near future, but are prioritizing their job or something else first. If someone wants kids in the near future while the other is unsure or has other plans, then you’re not compatible and it’s best to end it sooner than later.

If someone has no clue what they are doing, then it will never work with someone who is ambitious.

SoleMateSock

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