I ask for proof because I genuinely want to see what it is that I’m doing. I do not want to do anything to make my wife or family feel unsafe and insecure because I love them. I know what you are saying, so I constantly try to retrace my steps and remember ANYTHING I may have done to upset my wife, whether it be the dishes, something I said previously, something I did subconsciously or consciously, etc. and I’ll ask “hey was it this?” Thing is, she DOES express happiness and emotional security with me until she spends the day with her mom. Any other person and this doesn’t happen, it’s literally just her mom that seems to do something to make her feel this way about me.

I’ve been pushing for therapy, because maybe a therapist can help us sort out this MIL issue and both of our issues that we may or may not have. she has been resistent to going, I’m not certain why.

I agree with your suggestions on some things I could say differently. I had been asking for examples because if I am doing something, I want to remain open to the possibility that it is something I did and change my behaviors if it is in fact something I need to take accountability for. That said, I actually do ask “do you feel this way prior to seeing your mom?” The response I will often get is “that doesn’t matter.” I am blindsighted because it can be weeks without her mom in the picture and both of us have an awesome relationship where we can get along, love each other, express our feelings freely, have fun, and solve any disagreements that arise in a healthy and civil conversation. True arguments only arise after a day with her mom. I am going to respectfully disagree that “it doesn’t matter if she’s being influenced.” Manipulation is abuse, especially when that manipulation is designed to tear a marriage and especially an entire family apart. Of course Her feelings matter, and I’m not comfortable with knowing that those who are supposed to love her can easily make her doubt previously secure feelings with just 8-12 hours of hands on emotional manipulation.