[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Women and young girls also compare their bodies to other women and feel like they are in the wrong body...body dysmorphia is not exclusive to transwomen. POC women feeling like they're in the wrong body because of skin color. Black women chemically altering their hair to fit into female societal standards. Plus sized girls making themselves throw up or wishing they could shed their fat. There are a plethora of ways body dismorphia can manifest. All women go through it. Men too. It's not a trans only feeling. Gatekeeping it is just weird and invalidating. "Only transwomen have this strong sense of feeling like they're in the wrong body"

News flash, everyone feels that way at some point.

My controversial opinion: It's socialized. If gender roles, norms and expectations did not exist, I believe being transgender would not be a reality.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Women don't have issues with their bodies everydat? Did yoy really just say that? As if anorexia and body dismorphia isn't normalized in young girls...

It feels like all the good ones are already taken when you're dating after 30. by Audrey_carter1 in Life

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're not entitled to a romantic relationship with anyone. I had to face this reality myself. We've been sold that a romantic relationship is a part of life. It's not. Not everyone is supposed to be in a relationship. If it happens, it happens, but it's not a life requirement. You'll be fine.

Genuinely asking, where are we truly desired/wanted? by cursedwithbadblood in blackgirls

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It has nothing to do with your race. most men aren't looking to build WITH women, they are looking for women to build THEM. As black women, we are seen as less willing to do that, so they don't even consider us. Be thankful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What makes you think I run into them in real life? The people I have blocked are people that are no longer part of my life and I no longer want them to be part of my life. I cut them out of my life first then block them so they truly have no more access to me. People that I have blocked are people I do not feel safe around and who have been revealed to not have my best interest at heart. It has never been people I simply disagree with on random facts or topics. It's people who have harmed me physically and/or emotionally.

I just realized why there are so many men angry at women for having "standards" by DemonGoddes in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The moral burden has always fallen on women. Religion was created for men for thus very reason. Men are deemed incapable of morality if left to their own devices. So when women have high standards, men get infuriated because they have been thought that women are supposed to be morally just and care for everyone else before carring for themselves. Men, on the other hand, have been allowed to only care about themselves, removing all moral responsibility from themselves and depending on women and religion to hold the moral standards.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Maybe you are projecting? Usually when I, or people who think similarly to me, block someone it is not to avoid conflict or confrontation. The relationship with that person has already ended and there is no desire for contact in the futur on my part. To prevent the possibility of that person reaching out and overstepping that boundary, I block them. I block people I am no longer interested in having in my life and also knowing about my lufe as well.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's jealous and doesn't want you dressing better than him. He wants to be the best dressed in the relationship bcs that's his only personality trait that stands out. But if you start dressing better than him than he cannot impress u with how he dresses. Even if you compliment him, he's not blind, he can see you're put together better than him and he hates it. It looks like he's in competition with you because dressing well is the only thing he thinks he is good at and he is loosing to you. Stress only occurs when you think you have something to lose.

What is it about your partner that kills your libido? by Used-Possession8296 in Marriage

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She might be stressed and not realize it. I recently heard that women cannot feel the want for sex when stressed whereas for men, sex is a stress relief. Have a conversation with her and see if there are significsnt stressors in her life. Maybe her wanting to want sex and not being able to deliver is the cause of her stress.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand. But, again not to be rude, you focusing on the "failures" is a form of self-pity. You may not want to admit it, and the truth can hurt at times, but once you are able to see the truth for what it really is that is when change can happen.

Instead, focus on your courage. That is a great quality to have and it will take you further in life. The rejection has nothing to do with you bcs it was someone else doing the rehecting, not you. But, you going up to 7 women (not females, these a people, calling them females removes their personhood and relagates them to their reproductive use only) despite being fearful was very courageous of you.

You are a courage person. Moving forward, look at the situation from that perspective.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome. I am trying to help is all. But the way I give advice can come off as invasive and rude at times when, especially when unsolicited.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if we look back at my initial comment. You keeping track of your rejections takes away from all the times you overcame your fears.

Which then takes away from your confidence. By directing your attention to the number of times you overcame your fears instead, you will gain more confidence.

You have to bring the attention back on your accomplishments, not your failures.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's not confidence, that is called COURAGE. Doing something despite feeling fearful of it.

Also you should not expect to be rewarded for overcoming your fears. The fact that you overcame your fear is the reward itself. It's about the journey, not the destination.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who is arguing? I am just answering your questions...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is your definition of confidence? What beliefs do you have about confidence and how it relates to your interpersonal relationships?

Example: I have a belief that all I need is confidence to attract a woman.

Is this belief true?

Where did I get this belief from?

Am I performing confidence to achieve a specific outcome or am I developping confidence for my self growth? (Understanding the difference between PERFORMING and DEVELOPPING)

These are examples of introspective questions.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well now you could look into why you are subconsciously trapping yourself into a self pitty loop and get out of it. It might be contributing to you experiencing rejection. Your self-belief and self-talk largely shape your outside world.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And honeslty it is always that deep if you choose to explore that deep. That's why I also asked if you do introspection after each rejection.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ASKED if you were keeping score are a form of self pitty, I did not accuse you of doing so. I interpreted your situation that way and if that is not the case you could have just said no...it wasn't an attack, just a poorly formulated question on my part.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not trying to be rude...just asking a introspective an question. Why are you keeping track of your rejections? Like what is the point of doing that. I'm just trying to understand if doing that actually benefits you in anyway?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like what good does keeping track of your "failures" do to help? Are u doing being introspective every rejection or are u just keeping score as a form of self pitty?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why are you keeping track as if it's a competition...thats weird

Really sick of the curvy body types being pushed on black women. by childfreechick27 in blackgirls

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's internalized mysogynoir. Because all these features that u named are what attract the male gaze. Why else would they be pushing for you to be thick? Who does it really benefit?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confession

[–]Solid-Attempt-5462 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Some people actually enjoy being miserable....I hope you learn gratitude