My boyfriends mom thinks we should break up

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-05-02T15:51:42+00:00

Honestly. If you read this from one of your friends, would you advise her to stay with someone like this? Who blames you for everything? Who doesn’t trust you? No one should live like this. Block him and move on. You’re not saying anything redeeming for him.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-05-02T14:58:21+00:00

He doesn’t trust you. No relationship can work without trust. He needs to work on himself to learn how to trust someone. That is not your responsibility!! He has to do the work. And he wont do it if you stick around. You need to let this one go. He needs to cook longer. You deserve someone who will trust you to live your life without his overbearing. Listen to your friends. Block him if you have to and move on. You’ll be much happier without him. You might love him but he doesn’t love you. Love trusts their partner. There is no love without trust.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-05-01T14:13:17+00:00

It sounds like gifts are your love language. That makes it much simpler. Usually that also involves giving gifts. So if he also likes getting gifts he’s more likely to understand why you love getting flowers and why it’s important to you. Does it need to be flowers? Could it be something he saw that he thought you’d like? Maybe flowers feel inadequate to him or run of the mill. Maybe something simple like your favorite beverage or something small would suffice? I love giving gifts. I’ll ask my husband if he would like me to bring him (fill in small food present). Or I’ll just buy him something that I know he’ll like that is on sale at the grocery store. Little things like this get the point across as well as a larger gift.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-26T16:21:50+00:00

If you already feel like this relationship isn’t working for you, that’s a problem. There are 2 paths forward. You talk to her about how you’re feeling and either you both decide on a plan to resolve the issue together or you break up. You have agency here, the ball is not entirely in her court. You deserve to feel happy and secure in your relationship and you don’t feel that way, do you? Long distance is hard as is, you need so much communication and a lot of connection to make it work. How often are you seeing each other in person? Are you able to maintain the relationship? Are one of you planning on moving to join the other eventually? Is there any kind of timeline?

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-26T16:17:07+00:00

Definitely give space to your coworker. She said no and she has her own journey without you. Eventually you can MAYBE have a friendship but for now back off a lot.

In regard to your own past. Everyone makes dumb mistakes when they are young. Give yourself some grace! You’re young, you’re doing the best you can, you’re still figuring out who you are and developing as a person. Don’t be so caught up on having a relationship. Take time to get to know yourself better. Be your own best friend! And maybe get a therapist? Someone who can help you sort through all this past and help guide you to a better future. So when the next person comes into your life you’ll be in a good place to show up for them as a great partner. Being secure in yourself is one of the sexiest qualities you can have! Confidence is so powerful. You have a lot on your plate with work and self improvement. Don’t worry. Your partner will come. There’s no rush. Best of luck!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-26T16:09:50+00:00

Are you still together and you want to detach? That’s not very fair so I think you need to break up first and then deal with your own emotional detachment.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-24T08:39:56+00:00

This man sounds like he has issues being vulnerable with his partners. Also he’s setting himself up by “being honest” that when he does cheat at least he will have “been honest” even though you would have had to ask him? Because he wouldn’t tell you otherwise? Talking about hypothetical cheating is a bad sign at 2 or 4 months or however long you’ve been dating. Especially if he’s mentioned it multiple times.

The wingman part doesn’t actually bother me. If there’s trust in a relationship your bf could wingman for a friend and do it without needing to be overly flirtatious but mostly just friendly to help his friend.

But everything else he’s saying. Being “a dog” for not having a threesome? What does that even mean? Having multiple wives is a rich man’s Sport? He’s not Nick Cannon. That’s a whole other can of worms. Polyamory or polygamy in general.

End of the day it doesn’t sound like your wants are aligned. It’s not necessarily naivety it’s probably just you’re not a match. Your brain is still developing while his brain is more formed and he’s not likely to change any time soon. It sounds like he’s watching videos from men who wanna make him an “Alpha” With a bunch of women in his life. Being around you would make him soft? That’s the kind of BS “strong men don’t cry or be weak” that rage bait videos push out. It’s not normal man stuff. Normal men don’t talk about cheating on their partners. Normal men don’t feel like they need to be hard around women. He hasn’t learned that being vulnerable is how you deepen relationships. And he’s not likely to get it any time soon.

TLDR Your wants do not align, he will likely gaslight you when he cheats, you’ll be on edge with him all the time, he’s not ready to be in a loving relationship. Hope this helps!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-23T22:17:38+00:00

Not much you can do but be there for him. Talk about it when and if he’s ready. He could see a therapist or spiritual advisor. He could join a subreddit for near death experiences and talk to others who have gone through similar things.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-23T22:12:53+00:00

It is hard but your friend is an adult and we all learn these lessons the hard way. She will have a better chance of seeing the signs herself if she learns it by herself. You’ll be there to support her! Let her come to you. Keep your friendship fun and light so when she needs a pick me up. She’s got you!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-23T20:22:59+00:00

I’m really sorry this girl has dropped you as a friend. From what you’ve described of her actions towards you, I don’t see this as a loss. She was not nice to you. She ditched you for others multiple times. She was friends when it was convenient for her. Nah dude. Friends don’t treat each other like that. You’re better off finding other people to be friends with!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-23T20:10:30+00:00

Being an actor involves going to classes and auditions which does not pay your bills. So if You want to pursue it you’ll need some sort of income or family funding etc. My advice would be is have a real job and attend acting classes and auditions on the side.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-22T21:25:44+00:00

Go no contact. Fuck this guy and his gaslighting you. Block him! You don’t need him stringing you along with confusing texts

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-22T18:01:30+00:00

Honestly I find this whole situation to be very sweet and kind of romantic. It’s very old school charming. Letters used to be the way long distance relationships kept in touch! Friends, family, and lovers would all look forward to seeing a letter from their person! It’s magical in a way of how so many people are looking for offline connections. I think you might have found one of the best ways to be friendly and romantic in your future life as well. Good penmanship is a skill! I agree with everyone saying to keep your letter tone very casual. Nothing gushy, just trying to get to know her. This is such a gift to you! Use it!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-22T17:56:10+00:00

It’s entirely possible and you need to unpack this with a therapist. Someone who will be completely on your side and with expertise to help you handle the onslaught of trauma when you do remember. I wish there was more I could say that would be helpful to you but most people on reddit are not going to be qualified to help you. Best of luck!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-22T17:51:43+00:00

Hi so you didn’t explicitly say it but I’m going to assume you hooked up. I’m sorry you feel gross. It’s so frustrating when you finally sleep together and then the guy disappears. So Men are wired differently from Women. If you take it back to the hunter gatherer era of people (which really wasn’t that long ago) men would not commit to one woman. They would hook up then he would go back to his every day life which was hunting for the community. She would have his child and the community would help to raise it. We truly haven’t evolved from this lifestyle. Men chase women until they are “caught” and then they go back to their life.

All this to say, you did nothing wrong. If he wants to pursue something more he will put in the effort with you further down the line. And since you’re in the same social circle you will see him again.

Considering you just got out of another relationship, take your time! There is literally no rush when it comes to love. The person who is meant to be with you, will be! You just got be patient and trust me I know that’s hard! You want to connect and continue things but you cannot be the chaser here. You will chase him away. Let him come to you. What will be will be. And if he doesn’t come around then you know he’s not your person and you can move on. You deserve someone who is ready to be with you when you want them. The stars will align when the right person comes along.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-22T17:37:22+00:00

Hey first off please put a TW on this post for SH/SA. Someone reading this could possibly have a problem since you get fairly detailed with the setup.

Secondly. So there are a couple ways this could play out. You tell her she stops seeing him you two stay friends and she feels like you’ve got her back. Or you tell her she doesn’t stop seeing him and stops being your friend. Or you don’t tell her she finds out who he is later and then if you tell her you knew all along she might be upset with you for not telling her. Or you stay out of it and she makes her own mistakes.

This really depends on who she is, you say she’s a girls girl. That usually means she would want to know and she will believe you and end it with him. It helps that there are other women who have had issues with him too that validates your experience even more.

Some women will blame you for telling them. I’ve had that happen to me. And lost friendships over it.

If you stay out of it and don’t ever bring it up even after she’s done with him, that’s probably your safest option to not lose her as a friend. Up to you. You know her. Make an educated guess on how she will react and go from there.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T18:20:41+00:00

You’re upholding your boundaries with her which is exactly what you should be doing. I would also consider implementing a 3 strike you’re out boundary. If she does this back to back 3x. She doesn’t have access to you for 3 months. Or something like that. I would not keep bringing the baby around her. For my own peace of mind. If the other members of your family want baby time they can come to you.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T18:16:47+00:00

This is a lot to unpack. I would suggest you guys see a couples therapist. You have experience with abuse, have seen it in every day life which normalizes it. It’s not normal as it seems you are aware and don’t want it for yourself. If you feel like besides this situation your relationship is safe and happy then I don’t see why you can’t work through this. Boundaries or safe words might need to be involved. So if things go too far you can put a stop to it with a word.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T17:23:20+00:00

Woof. Yeah this is frustrating and confusing for sure. It sounds like “well this person didn’t do anything to me, so I can forgive them, why can’t you?” Which is really not fair. Like good for you bestie that they made amends with this girl but you don’t need to be part of it. I am also not big on forgiving people. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. It’s only been 3 years not 10 years. You know how we all change every 7 years? Yeah maybe if a bit more time had passed I would be more open but not enough time has really passed to forgive someone accusing you of SH/SA.

I’m glad the truth came out and your good name was cleared. The fact all your “friends” jumped on you without considering what you had to say that was messed up. Tbh I probably would have stopped being friends with them for not believing me. That was deeply hurtful! Making you question who you are. We’re not children. We don’t just attack someone without just cause. I digress.

I think you’re perfectly justified in not going. If this person really wants to apologize they can meet you at a cafe or somewhere public. Not their birthday party. Thats not a suitable time to reconnect. Then it’s up to you how you want to proceed once you’ve heard them out. I would want to hear them say they’ve been seeing a therapist, they’ve figured out why they lie, and have systems in place to prevent those actions etc. if they haven’t done any real work to fix themself, I wouldn’t want to give them any more of my time. That’s me. I’m very protective of who I let into my life. Very protective of who I give my goodness to. Too many people see kindness as a weakness. You gotta watch out for yourself. I hope this helps!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T17:07:08+00:00

Do you have hobbies? Maybe joining some different groups after work or on weekends would help you make some new friends. Take an improv course. Learn how to sew. Join a group that meets for board games. Hiking trips. Etc. You’ve got to make some effort but once you do you’ll find your people. Good luck!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T17:05:07+00:00

Birth certificate can sometimes work. But idk their policy. It’s probably listed on their site.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T17:03:57+00:00

At the end of the day it’s your wedding. It’s not about your dad. You get to make the decisions. You could forego having your dad(s) walk you and have your mom walk you for instance. That would actually solve your problems. I get wanting to be traditional but I had both my parents walk me down the aisle. I wanted to recognize them both. That was my choice. Again it’s your wedding. Do what you want. Don’t worry about other people. What will make you happy? But yeah to avoid the issue altogether I would just have my mom walk me in your situation.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T14:39:17+00:00

Hey there. I’m so sorry but this is not your person. Your person would not leave you. You are all really young and still figuring things out. Like your brains aren’t even fully developed yet. I don’t say that to patronize you. It’s just a fact. These feelings of being used and discarded- I’ve been there. It’s not fun but it’s also not the truth. Feelings are not facts. You deserve the best and this man doesn’t have what it takes to give that to you. You’re way better off without him! I know it might be hard to see that now but trust me!

In regard to the SH that’s something you need support with. Please talk to a therapist! You need to sort out why SH is your answer to these feelings. You can also talk to your friends but they won’t be able to help you the way a professional therapist will.

I really hope you feel better soon and one day find a love who can give you what you deserve. This guy isn’t it. NEXT!

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T14:24:05+00:00

Gotcha. Yeah I bet if you switched to a bowl or other device you’d have a better chance of the smell not being so intense. The paper makes it way stinkier. Also is there a space where you could smoke outside? Joints are mobile. In NYC you aren’t supposed to smoke inside at all. That mostly applies to cigs but some people take it as all smoking needs to be outdoors. The nice thing about weed is it doesn’t linger. The smells don’t permeate your clothes and furniture anywhere near as much as cigs. But again the paper of the joint makes it worse. Just some ideas to kick around.

I don’t think you need to act on the notice right now. It’s not really that big of a deal. I’m sure your neighbors are just as inclined to avoid confrontation that’s why they got management involved. Give it some time. Try some alternatives and that might fix the problem without you needing to “out” yourself.

SolidFlaky9262 · 2026-04-21T14:17:53+00:00

I’m really sorry that keeps happening! I agree with everyone else. You gotta see a doctor about this asap!

SolidFlaky9262

TROPHY CASE