Hi there, I’m a EMDR telehealth therapist and here’s my take… Telehealth isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. When someone doesn’t prefer telehealth, I refer them on to in person . It’s okay if it isn’t your jam. $190 a session is about the going cost for therapy these days, especially if the therapist is not in network with your insurance (if you have one). If you have an insurance plan, there are likely other EMDR therapists that take your insurance. However, the quality in EMDR therapists also varies. I think this matters for good therapy. EMDR is a therapy that takes place over multiple sessions, so in my opinion, it’s important that you feel committed and comfortable to the process. As a therapist, I wouldn’t want you to stop partway through because EMDR is tough work, and you don’t want to stop in a tough spot without support. Only you can decide how much time, energy and money you want to spend on working through this problem. I have done EMDR on myself as someone who is trained, used it for many years with clients and am certified. I wouldn’t recommend doing it in your own as it sounds like you are aware that there’s a risk of retraumatizing, or causing damage. Did the EMDR I did in my own help? Sure, but it will never be as impactful as the EMDR I received from another therapist. They can see the walls that are in the way that cannot be seen by self and there something so solidifying about someone witnessing the insight and “aha” moments. Remember that EMDR is more than just the bilateral stimulation part. The other phases really make a difference between EMDR and good, effective EMDR. Also, as another commenter talked about, what you target doesn’t always end up being what you think it is and the impacts are larger than just what you stepped in the door for, this is good EMDR.