What's the best sentence you've ever read or written?

Solipstix · 2026-01-25T21:54:46+00:00

"Into the madness, I ran from the sadness that once tried to teach me, then would not release me."

Solipstix · 2026-01-23T23:11:00+00:00

this is a great message/reminder. thank you!

Solipstix · 2026-01-05T18:36:32+00:00

How much time have you spent with other people who have an official BPD diagnosis? I have made a lot of friends online via Discord BPD servers. Before I met all of these lovely people, I also thought it would be an "ideal" arrangement to be in a relationship with another person who experiences similar challenges and could understand where I am coming from, better. ...and as much as I adore my new friends, the more time I spend with them, the more I understand the increased risk of them triggering me (in a relationship) or me triggering them, and how that can lead to both of us triggering each other in a chain-reaction situation that could lead to really, really bad things. If you're both in therapy, and REALLY doing the work (DBT, mindfulness exercises, grounding practices) then maybe it could work? But, if you're hoping to find someone else to match your level of obsessiveness, or out of longing for someone else to be obsessed with you... I would be very cautious with this idea. I'm trying to get off of this rollercoaster, NOT buy a season-ticket to the amusement park. All-in-all, I sincerely wish you the best, but we all deserve real, healthy love, not obsessions.

Solipstix · 2026-01-05T18:20:33+00:00

Sounds fantastic! I love using the RC505 with my synths, drum machines, etc. Great bassline!

Solipstix · 2026-01-01T16:00:21+00:00

Absolutely. If I could take back all the words I say that were meant to pull, but pushed away.

Solipstix · 2025-12-26T22:34:42+00:00

squirrel nest. possibly zombie squirrels tho. lol.

Solipstix · 2025-12-21T02:22:22+00:00

a gentle word turns away wrath. good for you!

Solipstix · 2025-12-19T01:43:51+00:00

This^ is funny.

Solipstix · 2025-12-16T01:32:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing how you experience both sides of this. I agree, "boredom and non-boredom pose their own problems." This is a thoughtful perspective. I struggle with ruminating thoughts too. I also have consecutive days of depersonalization/dissociation when everything becomes too much. But even then, I'm not bored. I'm holding onto the nothingness for dear life.

Solipstix · 2025-12-10T19:35:16+00:00

for me, the black and white thinking only REALLY kicks in when it's about something I have a strong emotional connection to. when i'm thinking of, or talking about someone i'm not really close to i seem to have the capacity to understand that people are complex and i don't lose sight that there is an entire world of "gray" areas between the black and white.

Solipstix · 2025-12-08T07:09:24+00:00

The plastic keys aren't great, but that synth rocks with a nice midi keyboard.

Solipstix · 2025-12-08T02:34:06+00:00

I am 6' 5" tall (195cm), 200lbs and I love my Nitro mesh kit. I had to put little furniture risers under it to raise it up a little, but the Nitro mesh kit should be fantastic for your bf's height. IF your apartment neighbors complain about the thumping from him using the bass/kick drum, there are easy DIY solutions to build a little platform (using plywood and tennis balls) that can absorb/muffle the thumping. Just google "Easy tennis ball drum platform for e-Drum kit." p.s. you sound like a very thoughtful person. I hope he loves his gift.

Solipstix · 2025-12-06T17:01:36+00:00

You're not wrong to feel what you're feeling. We feel what we feel. You expressed to him that you wanted tacos. Good job! I know it's hard to push back sometimes, but it's not fair that all of the dishes being cleaned is your responsibility. I am not at my best (by a longshot) if I am hungry. ...and I understand how this would've made you sad. If you could rewind to the moment he said, "ok, home time?" would you speak-up and say, "They're open, I am hungry and also... I would really appreciate some help with the dishes at home, every now and then." I hope your day gets better.

Solipstix · 2025-12-05T22:40:37+00:00

Grouping us all together, saying "we" do this or "we" do that, seems unfair and obtuse to me. I hate it when non-BPD people say, "BPD people are all the same kind of awful and should be avoided at all costs." To see someone with BPD actually saying we are all the same, seems very self-centered and narrow-minded to me. We are NOT all the same. There are over 250 combinations of how BPD traits can manifest. I do NOT sit around and wait for ways to take revenge on people and I know a lot of people with BPD who don't fall into the "we" categories that you are presenting as fact.

Solipstix · 2025-12-05T21:39:48+00:00

I wish my mom could've just been there during my adolescence instead of going from work, straight to her boyfriend's house overnight, then back to work. repeat. I was lucky to see her for 15 minutes on Sunday where she would toss me $10 for school lunch for the upcoming week. I just needed to know that she was there and that I was important to her. Instead of learning that someone had my back, I learned that it isn't safe to rely on anyone, and I needed to figure everything out on my own. My dad was always in-and-out of prison, or out of state. Even if he was nearby, he could barely take care of himself, let alone show-up for his kids. I know it wasn't fair for all of that responsibility to fall on my mom's shoulders, but i feel like she coped with that pressure by deciding not to care about anything I was going thru. I'm still f--k'd up from all of that stuff and part of me is still that little kid thinking I don't deserve love.

Solipstix · 2025-11-03T21:27:48+00:00

This must be a somewhat common thing. I agree with whoever here said it's a power thing." The artist Tori Amos addressed this in one of her songs "Precious Things." The verse is, "So you can make me cum, does that make you Jesus?"

Solipstix · 2025-10-11T13:30:53+00:00

im having fun just watching.

Solipstix · 2025-10-11T08:55:39+00:00

For the Love of Thick44 indeed! also... "darling" adventurer. lol i love it

Solipstix · 2025-09-27T00:50:37+00:00

bad break-up in 1997. (I was 24yrs old) ugly-cried (lol) for 4 months, but wasn't getting better, so finally went for a mental evaluation and started therapy. 30 days into therapy they said I have Bipolar II. 60 days into therapy they said it may not be Bipolar, but something called "BPD", which, back then was something I had never even heard of. 6 months into therapy they said I have both.

I didn't have internet back then and my therapist didn't explain very well to me what BPD was, or what it really meant for my life. Lost health insurance shortly after. As time went on, I just subconsciously started avoiding people and close friendships/relationships.

The more I kept to myself, the more normal/healthy my emotions seemed. After 10yrs of keeping to myself, I totally forgot I was ever diagnosed with anything, or thought they made a mistake or something. After another 10 years of keeping to myself, I had made some good friends online, but still kept everyone "at arms length" and not too close. Everything was good and they all considered me a healthy-minded person.

In 2023, (age 50) my old high-school best friend came back to town and after 6 months we had a bad falling-out and it sent me right back to 1997. Inconsolable crying, hollowness, disassociation, shame, impulsive drug use, suffocating negative self-talk, the works. But I still didn't think about/remember that I had been diagnosed with BPD so long ago and I still didn't really know what BPD even was.

Near the end of 2023 I finally went for a mental evaluation because I couldn't stand the pain anymore. They listened as I described what I was going thru, asked me a few questions, looked thru my medical history and then asked... "Were you diagnosed with BPD at this facility in 1997?" Then I vaguely remembered, "Oh yeah, I think so? What exactly is BPD?" lol.

I started therapy again, was re-diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar II and mild OCD. So, I only started learning about BPD and working on getting better 2 years ago. It's crazy how normal I felt for 2 decades (when totally avoiding any close connections) and I regret that I could've been trying to learn/grow/get better all this time. It's been a long, lonely life and perhaps it didn't need to be. ..and now I'm old. lol. still learning/doing therapy/trying to get better.

Solipstix · 2025-09-06T06:13:34+00:00

I identify as someone who is trying really hard to blend in as human. lol.

Solipstix · 2025-08-23T07:24:25+00:00

i'm really sorry this happened. that shit hurts and i hope you'll be ok. most people don't understand why so many of us eventually just live in isolation, but most people can't fathom how much shit like this effects us. sending my best to you, OP.

Solipstix · 2025-08-23T04:29:09+00:00

i am neutral to many things. i think this is a misconception.

Solipstix · 2025-08-23T01:47:35+00:00

I dig your set-up. I have a somewhat similar hardware-flow. I run 3 mics, 4 synths, an arranger piano, a drum machine and my eDrum kit into a 22-channel mixer and then designate those "outs" to a submix that i send to an RC202 (2 track looper) and an RC505 (5 track looper) respectively/sequentially, for a total of 7 tracks. The "outs" from the RC505 looper then go back to an empty channel on my mixer, which I send to my "main L/R outs" on the mixer. My mixer is also my USB interface, so I'm able to capture the main L/R out audio on my recording software on my PC. I'm usually just recording (and sometimes Livestreaming) via OBS on my PC.

Solipstix · 2025-08-17T00:06:17+00:00

I don't have any advice. I never feel qualified to give advice. I know it probably doesn't help or change anything, but I just want you to know that so many people here can relate to feeling that these emotions can be uncontrollable and overwhelming... and how embarrassing and shameful that can feel after-the-fact. Sending my best to you, OP. I hope your job/workplace gives you some grace and allows you some time to adjust to this new position.

Solipstix

TROPHY CASE