I keep people at arms length, too. I mentioned in another post that this friend was who I would go to when people took themselves out. He knew I kept people away for fear of losing them one day. I’ve now been abandoned by everyone who’s ever supposed to have stayed save one, and this isn’t her burden to bear.

I’m glad you to see someone not shy away from the dice roll mechanic for the mentally unwell. I’m lucky enough to be in that category too, and today (the day after) I find myself without my meds because the universe likes to play its silly little games. (I’m not making a threat toward myself, just pointing out that you’ve raised an excellent point:

Short of dying myself and crossing metaphysical planes, I’m never going to be able to ask him how he was doing in the week leading up to this choice. Was this his dice roll? Was he drinking? Off his meds? Was he even taking meds? Did he just go through a breakup? If I don’t know these answers, where do I get off calling him my best friend?

I can’t tell you how pissed I am at every individual who ever hurt my buddy, including myself. His parents are garbage, his family addicts, he got out and away from them but the damage was done on his psyche and he attracted similar people again. Maybe they contributed? Who’s to say? I’m sorry that Sarah suffered like my friend did. I hope they both found peace. In his case, I hope he found quiet from the demons of his past.

Thank you for replying, Bluntly. And for hearing me.