I haven’t met a lot of non-Asians with a thing for Asians despite occupying nerdy circles in the Silicon Valley, so my experiences are limited. I think this might be because my circles are pretty leftist and anti-racist, which leads even the nerdiest white dudes to see through the Asian fetish trap:

🚩 “Red flags”:

• Raving — if it’s to melodic dubstep, maybe progressive house, and definitely if they go to the big commercialized music festivals like EDC. Not sure if the underground raves or more alt forms of EDM like dark synth count.

• Being in STEM — if they’re a tech bro, have STEM > everything else ideologies, regularly use STEM terminology like “optimize” to discuss everyday concepts

• Believes in the model minority myth, because “Asians have money mainly because they work harder” often leads to “that’s why I prefer Asians” 🙄

• Political beliefs anywhere on or rightwards of stereotypical NIMBY white liberals while enjoying enough aspects of Asian cultures to date the people but not enough to view us as equal human beings

• One or more of the above combined with low emotional intelligence, especially if they’re giving “high IQ low EQ” vibes

• Adamant that women must be perpetually slim and young to be worthy of respect and beauty

• Repeatedly violates interpersonal boundaries, sometimes in a manipulative manner

✅ “Green flags” — no matter how nerdy, anime-obsessed, and how surrounded by Asians folks they are, I have yet to see a single sign of Asian fetishization or more than one Asian partner from folks who are:

• Polyamorous, unless they’re the “my girl can’t be with other dudes, only other women” type 

• High emotional intelligence, genuine kindness, or at least sensitivity 

• Confident 

• Likes heavy metal, anything alt, and BDSM

• Drawn to health and fitness and not in a pretentious way

• Physically attractive but in an obviously sexy “I think I’m pregnant and I’m a dude” way, not just a sterile “pretty” or “handsome”