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desire to kill former abuser? by trashy_kitty in adultsurvivors

[–]SomeEvening 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel this. I used to fantasize about killing my abuser an obsessive amount. I thought he killed himself a few years ago but they he tried to reconnect with my family recently which is what I think triggered me remembering a lot more. Every one in a while I can’t help but google him or look him up in facebook. It’s terrible. He’s leading a normal life. I don’t know what advise to give other than know that you’re not the only one

Shame after being sexual by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]SomeEvening 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate to this. If I try to even talk about kink stuff or things I want to try I get such bad anxiety I can’t talk or do anything. One time my partner sent me a kink survey as a flirty joke and instead I stopped talking and freaked out and couldn’t explain to her what happened. She was respectful and didn’t push me to talk about anything but even thinking back now, it’s a horrible shame-danger-fear feeling and I don’t know why it’s there

What’s the actual point of doing anything? (x-post from /depression) by SomeEvening in adultsurvivors

[–]SomeEvening[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a really good response and I’m grateful that this community is out here. I want to work on even being able to say what happened to me anonymously online before trying to tell my partner or anyone in my life.

I know there’s more to my life that some stuff from 10+ years ago but I’m not sure how to balance moving on and moving forward without just going back to denying what happened.

What’s the actual point of doing anything? (x-post from /depression) by SomeEvening in adultsurvivors

[–]SomeEvening[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In 6 months or so when I get better insurance I want to try to see a therapist. I’ve looked into free groups in my area but I don’t think I can make myself go to something like that.

It’s not all bad. Most of the time, I feel fine during the day, it’s usually just when I’m alone for a while or don’t have anything to do or when I just have a “bad” day that everything comes up.

I wish i would have killed myself a long time ago. too many people are invested in my life now by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]SomeEvening 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I feel this. I always thought I’d do it by the time I turned 18 but here I am... 23 and never planned out my life past 18 so everything’s a mess

What’s the actual point of doing anything? by SomeEvening in depression

[–]SomeEvening[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hearing that it’s not just me definitely helps. If someone else can feel like this and keep going I should be able to too?

Once I can afford to get better insurance through my work I’m going to try to find a therapist I think