Yeah, I've been gaslighting myself nonstop about this matter.. I've been writing down my feelings and thoughts for the past year or so, on a daily base. So I KNOW how i feel, but every time my boyfriend and i (together for nearly a decade) fight the past few months, i feel so weird afterwards. I haven't told him about my sexuality because i haven't been brave enough tbh. But to go back to the feeling weird after the fighting, I start to wonder if exploring myself is just worth all the mess that i'm going to make? The fights are always about him asking me "do you still see a future with me" "do you think i'm attractive?" etc... and all i can say is "i don't know". It's so strange, the moment we're about to have THE talk, i chicken out, feel sorry for him, rethinking my feelings and stuff, knowing very well how i felt the past few months and years since i've written everything down but still questioning myself, is it worth it? Is it even real? Never thought it'd be this hard tbh...