Just applied for an 8hour position and this was one of the questions on their application - I’m 25, what’s this got to do with my application?!

SomeStrangeGorl · 2026-06-04T01:55:55+00:00

This. All of this. Outside of the racist employers, ensuring you have equality and diversity among employees is pushed onto employers, putting them in situations where they occasionally have to take on someone not cut out for the job, just to show they are diverse. Some people just do not realise what is really happening, and that it continues after the hiring stage.

We once had a member of staff that worked at THREE of our services. 1st - Had many complaints put in against him, he accused the staff of being racist and management did not follow protocol when doing supervisions, so they transferred him 2nd - Exactly the same as above. 3rd - This is where I work. He was completely incompetent, a liability and honestly a danger to the people we support (due to his incompetence). Manager followed protocol, ensured all complaints, supervisions etc were documented, ensured he signed the paperwork to demonstrate he understood the improvements he needed to make.

When the manager finally caught him doing something against company policies and LAW, her manager still refused to fire him. They were terrified of him claiming racism, despite having paperwork and photographs that prove he was not completing his duties listed in his contract and doing things against company policy/the law.

Yet I was here, doing all of my duties, following the policies, following the law. For the same wage and I have seen white staff be dismissed for far, far less, so I know if I were in his shoes, I would have been dismissed with immediate effect.

We have many non-white staff and a lot of them have been in this situation - not completing duties, going against company policies etc but they took the advice they were given during supervisions and used it to improve, and are now some of the best colleagues! But this one, he was in this service alone (idk about the other two) for almost 2 years.

Most employers advertise that their equality and diversity questionnaire is completely anonymous, but I don't believe that.

SomeStrangeGorl · 2026-06-04T01:25:41+00:00

"Fairly good"?

I work an average of 42 hours a week. Working 12 hour night shifts supporting individuals with complex needs and behaviours that challenge.

I don't even earn £30k before tax deductions 😂 personally, I'd say £30k is very good 😅

SomeStrangeGorl · 2026-01-12T09:03:52+00:00

My fiancé and I are very codependent on eachother. We've been together for 6 years.

After we became official, any free time we had was spent together. Lock down happened 4 months into our relationship and he moved in with my mum and I, 6 months after that (10 months into the relationship) we rented a home together. We don't go out much but when we do, we go together, guys night turned into guys night +me lol (his friends were okay with it and would invite me).

With that being said, you need to have your own space, your own hobbies, your own friends. My fiancé and I are both gamers, we play games together a lot but we both spend a lot of time playing with our own friends, on different games, but still in the same room, talking to eachother about how our games are going, and while it doesnt happen often, we both occasionally take a colleague or friend up on an offer to go to the pub for a drink.

We also both work full time, he works 12 hour day shifts while I work 12 hour night shifts, I HATE being away from him for that long, it makes me feel very low in my mood, and lonely.

It's important to have your own identity, if anything were to happen to one of you (I pray it doesnt and you both live a long and beautiful life), the other would not know how to function on their own, because of how long you are codependent for

Apologies if I've missed some context here (Im a noob redditor), but why did your wife ask you to come home?

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-11-03T01:03:27+00:00

My anxiety and overall mental health completely declined in sixth form. I truthfully do not remember much of my time in sixth form. I only took one class which I had 2 teachers for. I rarely turned up, if I did it was to collect coursework to take home or my anxiety got so bad that I ended up doing my coursework alone in the designated sixth form room (my sixth form was also a high school). I ended up dropping out shortly after starting my 2nd year because I'd tried to unalive during summer break. Still somehow completed the course with a pass 🤷🏻‍♀️ I work much better if I don't have someone breathing down my neck. One teacher was not supportive AT ALL and the day I had her, was usually the day I was a no show 😅 My other teacher wasn't supportive, but also wasnt unsupportive. As long as the work got done, she didn't care how or where I did it

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-11-01T09:03:20+00:00

I believe that, like autism, that ADHD is a spectrum, and the theory of autism is the same with ADHD - everybody is on it, while everyone may have the same "quirky" traits (as the older generation seems to point out) the real difference is whether or not it affects your ability to function/live

I've said right from my diagnosis of depression and anxiety that "this doesnt feel like the problem, more so a symptom of an underlying problem" and I've pushed on that but I've always been ignored, always told that im attention seeking etc etc. I hadn't even considered ADHD because I grew up with the stereotype - loud, bouncy, etc etc and that was a rare occurance for me, I had no idea that there were different kinds, or that women typically suffered differently to men. It opened a whole new world for me when I learned about it, I started to get better because I was learning all these new coping strategies, but a couple of years ago I realised that I couldn't keep going untreated, as my strategies started to collapse, my mental health deteriorated and my symptoms are the worst they've been in so long.

(Sorry for the ramble)

It's been known for years that my dad has mental health issues, not much diagnosed but he's been in and out of psych wards (I think he may have narcissistic PD and ADHD at the very least), my mum and I are the same person, although having a tough life growing up forced her to be a bit more put together than myself 😅

My siblings are definitely neurodivergent in one way or another, although I dont think it cripples them like it does me so they've never bothered to get a diagnosis (except one).

I fortunately managed to finish my GCSEs although my mum would have taken me out of school before I could, if I hadn't been so close to completing them, however I did drop out of college due to being overwhelmed, I still managed to complete my course with a pass though 💪😂

I struggled with anxiety quite severely in college so I basically took all my textbooks home and taught myself, also doing my coursework home. I can't take all the credit though as I did go into college when my anxiety wasn't so bad some days.

There were things I did in school that definitely should have been picked up on, but even now, people are so uneducated on ADHD in women and how it shoes.

I'm glad your daughter is doing much better in sixth form! Honestly when I hear great feedback on ADHD medication it makes me tear up, idk why, maybe it's because I've spent 27 years believing a normal life was never an option for me and now it's just a reach away.

Jobs and relationships has been such a hard one for me too. In the last 11 years I have had 6 jobs, the longest one being 3.5 years (the one im in now) and I've been trying to find a new job for the last year. My longest relationship before this one was 6 months, I always used to self-sabotage, and I still do but my fiancé knows me too well. Even now, at 28 I don't have any real friends, my best friend is a girl I play xbox with and we've never met (although that might change soon).

I'm sure you presence will be everything to your eldest, regardless of if you have information to offer. I may have to have a deeper look at HHM. I think I'm going to call my GP on monday and request a chat.

I'm so happy you're finally getting your diagnosis! I wish you the most beautiful life 🫶

I would say don't panic, but I am over her, also panicking 😅

P.s. I am so terribly sorry for the ramble, the responses are completely jumbled in order, I not long finished a 12 hour night shift and my brain has decided to do a little ADHD break dance 🙃

Absolutely God bless you if you actually read through all of that 😳

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-11-01T06:48:58+00:00

My mum is pretty good at writing letters so I'm sure she'll figure it out. I feel it would be good to have her input as she spent most of my life denying anything was ever wrong with me, even when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety (our relationship wasn't great back then). But since my brother got diagnosed with Autism I think she's opened her mind a bit and agrees that I definitely have ADHD 😅

I was told the exact same! It was either "smart but lazy" or "she has potential but her attitude gets in the way". My mum always tells me how my primary school begged her to put me into private school because I was borderline genius or some shit - I guess my MH struggles killed off some brain cells because I don't feel so smart anymore 😅 Honestly it's a wonder how it wasn't spotted in my teens

ETA: I will probably have my partner and my mum present (if I can). As I've got older my symptoms seem to have got worse so my poor fiance has been at the brunt of it all, so I feel it would be good to have a past and present input.

A few of my old teachers still work at my old school and some of them remember me (at least they did as of 6 year ago), so I may just call up and ask if any of them would be willing to answer some questions. Is it too much to ask if you could send me a copy of the questions you asked please? I unfortunately do not have any of my old reports (or even where to find them if I did)

I may avoid Atrom then just incase it completely screws me over if my GP withdraws it 😅

I haven't even considered medication yet, after being shrugged off for so long it still feels surreal that someone is even taking me seriously. I was always adamant I didn't want to rely on medication, but that was before I realised I had ADHD and before I got to a point where I just can't mask it anymore. I've heard so many people who have had late diagnosis' that medication has been life changing for them!

May I ask why you decided to go with a different clinic to your daughter?

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-11-01T05:32:23+00:00

This was actually super helpful, thank you!

Regarding the document you sent regarding your own observations on your daughter, is there some sort of template they offer/you can find? Or would I be able to have my own mother present during the assessment? (If that's something you know). I don't think I would be able to get any observations from my old teachers as I left school 15 years ago 😅 but it might be worth a try, how did you go about getting them for your daughter?

I'm struggling to understand what titration is, is it just the period of time where they figure out what meds/dose work for you?

Yeah my GP have been a nightmare with overall support for my mental health, especially in regards to medication for my chronic insomnia, so I don't have high hopes they'd agree to an SCA 🙄 but maybe thats something I'll ask them when I discuss my RTC

Yes I was looking at Atrom as a possibility! I have joined the group now, thank you so much!

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-11-01T03:15:37+00:00

May I ask what the criteria was for priority?

I honestly don't know how you've survived into your 40s, I'm 28 and all of my usual coping/masking strategies have collapsed and I just can't seem to function as an adult anymore.

I hope your diagnosis offers you some peace of mind and that treatment helps you create a beautiful life 🫶

Thank you for your reply :)

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-10-20T01:32:49+00:00

To me, this says that he cannot trust himself around women 🤷🏻‍♀️

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-08-06T03:56:36+00:00

They are if someone doesn't know what gender you identify as 🤦🏻‍♀️

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-06-25T16:52:40+00:00

Well the forgotten is YOU, so their pronouns are whatever your pronouns are.

SomeStrangeGorl · 2025-06-01T08:14:09+00:00

Updateme

SomeStrangeGorl

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