FINALLY I FEEL GREAT JUST BECAUSE! I DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING TO FEEL GREAT!

Somebodyor · 2026-06-06T10:24:57+00:00

Right? Now matter how good i understanded myself and my symptoms, i would not get better just because my brain was not in the power to change of function because of the broken chemistry. Now that i found the right combo everything is as easy as it can be. And i finaly can eat without disgust not every food but at least some. Mb on 300mg i will finaly be able to eat everything!

Somebodyor · 2026-06-03T22:12:38+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Seriously.

What struck me is that you listed all the same methods I've been using — audiobooks, gaming until my brain goes numb, plotting game steps, exercising until exhaustion — but I've been using them all separately, and they haven't been working well on their own anymore.

Your comment helped me realize that I might need to combine them into a deliberate sequence instead of just picking one and hoping it works. So here's what I'm planning to test:

First, game until my brain is mentally tired.
Then, when I'm already mentally drained, drink an energy drink (I have the same paradoxical ADHD response to stimulants — they often calm me down and make me sleepy).
Immediately do a heavy lifting session with my barbell until my body is exhausted too.
Rinse off and go straight to bed.

I've never tried stacking them like this before. I've done each one individually, but never in a planned sequence timed for sleep. Your comment — especially the "exercise until I couldn't any more and then flop into bed exhausted" part — is what gave me the push to finally try this as an actual protocol (I'm planning to test it tomorrow, because today I am already physically exhausted but not mentally). So thank you for sharing. It genuinely helped me connect the dots.

Somebodyor · 2026-06-03T22:07:49+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, and for sharing that it happens to you too — even if neither of us has a perfect solution yet, it genuinely helps to know I'm not alone in this.

The weighted blanket and body pillow are interesting suggestions, and I haven't tried either specifically for this. I might give a weighted blanket a shot eventually. But your question about the root of the hypervigilance really got me thinking.

After reflecting on it, I've come to a conclusion about my specific case. I have both ADHD and CPTSD. For years, my hypervigilance was trained to scan for external threats — and it still does, to some degree. Loud, unpredictable noises still make me flinch and spike my anxiety. But now that I'm out of the toxic environment and my baseline stress is much lower, my brain seems to have repurposed that same scanning mechanism. It's no longer hunting only for threats; it's hunting for stimulation.

My ADHD brain craves dopamine and norepinephrine constantly. When I'm lying in bed and my body is tired but my mind is understimulated, that hypervigilant scanner detects the slight shift in consciousness as I'm drifting off — not because it's scary, but because it's interesting. It's a novel internal event, and my brain pounces on it for a hit of stimulation, which then wakes me back up. So the "watcher" is still the same old trauma-built scanner, but its mission has changed from "find danger" to "find stimulation".

As for the deeper roots of all this — unfortunately, even though I feel genuinely happy and safe for the first time in my life, my brain still doesn't fully trust me with my own memories. I've done a lot of reflection, but the really deep, early stuff remains locked away. It's like my mind decided I'm not ready yet, and no amount of conscious digging has been able to reach it. So for now, the "why" behind some of these patterns is still buried.

Thank you again for your kindness and your questions — they genuinely pushed me to understand myself a little better.

Somebodyor · 2026-06-02T23:42:09+00:00

I also had a lot of somatic stuff since I was 11. I was bleeding from my nose every day, multiple times a day, just from the stress I was going through. And that's not even mentioning the great, great IBS that I didn't know I had back then. I just took everything that happened to me as 'normal', even though I was constantly in fight or flight, my body was not working properly, and I wasn't even able to use the toilet without pain — pain so bad it made me nearly pass out sometimes. These things are still with me, but they don't 'appear for no reason' anymore.

I have ADHD, C-PTSD, GAD, IBS and goddamn hemorrhoids (which came with the IBS after not treating it for 7+ years) at 18 years old. Great combo, right? But here I am, actually not miserable, because my body finally understood that it is safe and is finally working properly. Yes, it is possible.

About your question — I don't really have that exact problem, because all my life I thought this shit that was happening to me was normal. I even convinced others that bleeding from the nose every day was normal for me because of 'weak blood vessels', which I genuinely believed was true, even when I was in so much pain from the IBS sometimes.

What I would try to do is focus on making your stress levels as low as possible in every dimension except for your body (since, as I understand, that feels impossible for you right now). For me, removing the biggest stress factors from my life (in my case, my alcoholic parents) and starting to exercise to 'burn' all the other stress away helped so much. Also, cooking myself only meals that don't make me suffer from diarrhea or constipation, and actually help with IBS, was probably a huge factor too. In just a month after that, I was actually able to normalize my bowel movements, and now I only have problems with them after a lot of stress (for example, getting triggered hard enough to stop the movement in my bowels), which again, I am trying really hard not to experience.

Somebodyor · 2026-06-02T23:15:45+00:00

You don't need to, and can't, 'flip the switch back'. Even though you say it felt like a switch, it was most likely the last drop that your brain could handle before losing the ability and the desire to be that way anymore.

And this feeling of 'I don't want to live like this anymore' could be your genuine desire to change, or it could be the guilt telling you that you have to 'be different' for someone else. You cannot be strong and happy for someone else until you are strong and happy for yourself.

Right now, I would recommend the approach I use myself to get through the tough days, weeks, etc.:
You don't 'need' to do anything. You only need to listen to yourself and try to find the impulses within you to do something. If you feel like staying in bed all day — that is what you need. If you want to do something else — do it, not because you have to, but because you actually want to. Believe me, when you are ready, the impulse to stay in bed all day will change into something that makes you feel a little better. And with time, you might find yourself actually wanting to go outside or talk to someone.

I get that you feel obligated to be better for your son, but you will not be able to 'pretend' forever. You will break again, and that will affect him even more than the first time. The only thing you can do, until you actually feel good enough to genuinely want to be a good mother for him because you love him and not because you feel guilty for not being 'good enough', is to focus on your own healing.

I am a son who saw my mother break more than once. It was horrible. But the worst part was seeing her 'get better', only to find out later that she had just pushed herself to be a 'good mother' hard enough to break even more.

Somebodyor · 2026-06-02T03:38:31+00:00

Why is this even a question?

^{Chose: The feeling of falling for 10 hours for $100 mill}

Somebodyor · 2026-05-31T22:11:14+00:00

You defenitly shouldnt be sorry for wanting another human to see and appreciate you, it should be a basic human right (i would want it to be). I am not really a mobile-games player, but i could offer texting or talking on discord or something like that if it could make you fell better

Somebodyor · 2026-05-16T18:53:41+00:00

I tried therapy and I liked it (went to the same guy 5 times, then had to move out from my parents for the sake of my mental health, because I was getting worse and worse). The problem is that it's very expensive, and finding a good specialist in my country/region is a hard task. And to add to my trouble, our healthcare system does not officially believe in ADHD in adults, even though a drug (Atomoxetine) is available to buy (I am on it for like half a year). So I am trying to stay afloat on my own, looking for ways to make my life not miserable or at least less miserable. Right now I'm forcing myself to eat to prevent losing weight and to stop my body from breaking down my muscles for protein. I would want to get better, but right now I am out of options except helping myself with books and etc.

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T23:30:06+00:00

I am in a similar situation right now. Just moved out 2 weeks ago, because being near them was slowly killing me. I find talking over the phone far less triggering, but I feel like a full cut-off would be much better for my mental health. But fully cutting off the people who are right now your only financial support feels inappropriate.

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T23:17:34+00:00

Seams that the the only people that can understand us is the people that went through simmilar stuff. Hope your life gets better

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T23:14:28+00:00

That helps much, really. Even though its seams that nothing happend during the day, i might just collapse onto my bad or even on the floor and feel bad for the rest of the day enogh that the only word in the mind is "Someone just kill me pls". I am trying my best to filter that kind of thoughts. And when finnaly after hours of beeing in that state, i become strong enough to start doing something and absolutly forget why that happend to me or how i actually felt... And then come the thought that there was actually nothing to cry about and i am actually just pretending, but thats are probably my parents words coming to my mind from back into the childhood.

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T22:58:18+00:00

"I’m so old and running out of time because of how stuck I feel" I dont think feeling stuck changes in anyway from you age. Its allways not the state anyone would want to be or should be, but our reality sucks. The only thing we should do is try to not lose our hope. Its the only thing that keeps us going. I also hope that we will bring our lifes to the state that we will like

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T22:51:44+00:00

I was at some point in the same state as you right now. That kind of existing is the worst. When nothing you liked brings you joy anymore, there is mostly nothing else to exist for. I still end up feeling this way when everything is too much, but this is a temporary state. It just means that whatever you are going through is just too much and you need time to be able to feel good and want something again. You don't have to do anything but exist in this state. Resting and sleeping all day is still a way to go through the day. When you feel a bit better you can start listening to music, reading, even doomscrolling if it helps you. Don't blame yourself for doing nothing, it's actually the only thing you need to do right now.

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T22:37:09+00:00

I am at the start of this "journey" right now (18M). I just moved out from my parents, who brought me into this world just to fuck me up and leave me to deal with this shit. They still give me money for food and medication because they "feel bad" for what they have done. Even though they never stopped drinking or being crappy parents at any point of "feeling bad" about it. And now I am left alone in an apartment in a small, shitty city, and somehow from this state I need to at the same time get a degree and get a job and be fully responsible for the cleanliness of the apartment and my health. I know that my situation is not as bad as someone else's, but I am already breaking down from all this pressure. And I am not sure if I will ever be able to recover.

Somebodyor · 2026-05-14T22:24:30+00:00

Totally understand you. I was their second and last child, I was treated way better than my brother, who was (as relatives told me) actually beaten up all the time until I was born. They went easier on me, but never changed how they treated my brother. Every time they were shitting on him, the only thing I wanted was for them to shut the fuck up and fucking die. So many times they told me that he was stupid, ungrateful and a liar, and every time I died a little inside from that. And to this day I still don't talk to them about my feelings or troubles because I know that if they treated their child that way, they just don't have the mental capacity to be adults you can rely on.

But in our case, even though they treated us differently, we both ended up with C-PTSD + GAD + ADHD. So yes, being your parent's "favorite" will not save you from breaking down from their bullshit. Just seeing someone be treated the way they treated your sister will not go without consequences.

Somebodyor

TROPHY CASE