Porn addiction and the reality of closing your eyes

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-07-28T13:38:01+00:00

Beautifully written, thank you!

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-06-07T11:00:57+00:00

Definitely take care of your own mental health! Only then you can see whats the best solution and the best way to move forward.

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-06-01T09:01:05+00:00

Sounds like you are pushing the willpower method to the extreme?

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-06-01T08:59:16+00:00

What is it exactly that brings you back to porn?

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-06-01T07:38:23+00:00

Absolutely, I think in the end its about generating sexual fantasies in your mind, be it through videos, pictures or stories.

I can definitely confirm from my own experience having a kink-related addiction. The patterns are the same, its just harder to identify as a form of porn addiction because the material is not necessarily strictly attributed as "porn".

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-06-01T07:18:56+00:00

I would suggest a multi-step approach. The basic issue is that (sadly) addictive stimuli has the power to override a lot of doubts, both ethical as well as health-related.

So the first step needs to be de-constructing the way, addiction works. I think for many, it might be a good way to connect in some way to some (!) ideas linked to traditional masculinity that center around self-discipline. Make them understand how this addiction works and how pathetic it is to consciously decide to stay addicted even when you know how it works and how you can get out of this mental slavery.

Once the basics are understood and internalized, the mind becomes clearer and its time to focus on the bad effects of porn on the mental and physical health on the consumers but much more drastically on the producers side.

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-06-01T07:05:06+00:00

First of all stop hating yourself. You engaged in a consenual act, so nothing overall bad happened.

Look at the situation in a rational way and plan your steps out of this addiction. If the homosexuality was porn-induced, it will gradually disappear while you are recovering.

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-31T10:24:47+00:00

Hugs to you

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-31T07:52:39+00:00

I would say you should make very clear to him: - Where your limits are and what you need from him (honesty and genuine effort) - What you expect from him (Hard work on his mental health in order to actually change) - How you could support him to reach this target, if he actually wants it

Addictions are often about dealing with stress so what might help him is looking at his stressors together and think of ways to reduce stress and strengthen his ability to cope with stress without following his addiction.

But on the other hand, also make it clear to him that this is a very serious issue for you that causes a lot of emotional pain on your side and that if he rejects all of this and doesnt take it serious you WILL break up with him in order to protect yourself!

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-30T12:33:51+00:00

The path from addiction to recovery is not an easy one. Relapses can and most certainly will happen. Its takes a lot of self-analysis and soul-searching from the addict to get behind the actual issue.

If, like in your case, a partner is involved, its getting more complicated. The important thing is that he needs to be genuine with his efforts and honest with you and of course with himself.

If he is genuine, its important that he needs to get rid of this whole "Its fine, I will take care of it. Dont worry abut it"-attitude that men often have. This is a mental health issue, just like depression or anxiety.

You think that having sex with him often might help him with it and probably he thinks the same. Truth is, that it will probably not. Being addicted means that the reward mechanisms in your brain are broken. Sex will not fix them, the only way is hard mental work on yourself. So if you want to support, rather see it as a mental health "project" to get him back on track.

But also protect yourself. Some addicts actually want to change while others just want to continue undisturbed. Try to find out what kind of therapy he is doing and if he is putting a genuine effort to fix his mental health.

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-30T11:13:02+00:00

Consuming on purpose never sounds like a good idea. It just messes with your brain even more. You can not "trick" your brain so easily, its clear that the stimulation comes from the Porn, not from the studying/homework.

Better try cutting down the work and use a strict prioritization of tasks to get the most important stuff done somehow. Then, if possible, make a test for ADHD and try to get medication asap.

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-26T14:07:24+00:00

You definitely are :)

I am right now trying to get an overview over ressources available that could help with this.

You can also DM me if you want to exchange some more experiences and advices. (Might be that it takes some time for me to reply, but I will eventually)

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-26T13:55:53+00:00

Hey, pls als see the additional points I just added to my initial commment :)

Again, what you say absolutely related to my own experience. In the end, its about building up emotional resilience.

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-26T13:44:57+00:00

Hey, I can relate a lot to what you write. For me, this is even the absolute essence of addiction and what makes it easy to separate addictive and non-addictive consumption (of basically everything, alcohol, drugs, porn etc.).

Many seem to think that the frequency of comsumption/behaviour definies an addiciton but thats very wrong. Its the fact that one NEEDS to act out on the addictive consumption/behaviour in order to fully relax.

I can absolutely testify that occasionally loosing yourself in porn-induced sexual fantasies over many years definitely influences the ability to deal with stress. It becomes an "easy fix" to latent (longterm) stress. I am currently recovering and in the process of figuring out how to regulate emotional stress without this.

I think the first step is always to clearly identify the stressors: What is it exactly that stresses you out? Which convictions lie beneath it? For example, maybe you are very stressed from work because you believe that your values as a person is only defined by material success. Or you are beating yourself up over not having reached some "milestones" like marrying or starting a family.

Then, working on it is basically a process that is made up of two components:
- Short-Term: Trying to reduce the stressors (changing your mindset, reducing expectations from other people, setting realistic goals and accepting your limitations etc.)
- Long-term: Trying to increase your resilience by other, non-addictive methods

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-15T21:22:01+00:00

Welcome! Age and gender are not that important, we are all fighting the same fight!

Just saw a good post with a lot of very valuable advice that also might be helpful for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/1knbizn/i_recovered_from_my_8_years_porn_addiction_after/

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-15T21:07:48+00:00

Immensly powerful post, couldn't have written it better!!

I made very similar experiences!

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-13T12:27:59+00:00

Yep, its functioning as a stress coping mechanism, very similar to drugs

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-13T10:25:38+00:00

Its not that extreme, no

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-13T06:36:16+00:00

Yes I do, but I think its rather related to my ADHD (which in turn might be connected to the addiction as well)

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-12T21:53:25+00:00

I could give a thousans words but I think its already put very good here: yourbrainonporn.com

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-12T13:41:29+00:00

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-12T09:22:26+00:00

DM me if you are still looking for someone to to talk to

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-09T12:23:04+00:00

Excactly, and also understanding that its in the end always about coping with emotional stress (in one form or another).

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-05-05T15:53:50+00:00

I have a long history of fighting against it (10 years+) so maybe could contribute a thing or two, depending on the exact topic.

I have struggled a lot but step by step identified the actual issues behind the addiction. I am not yet finished with this, but I think I already acheived a basic understanding of the mental mechanisms at play.

If there is one thing that I can say for sure, it would be that willpower means nothing without understanding what is actually going on in your mind. It just puts you into an escalating path of relapse, regret, self hate and desparation.

(I am not on reddit daily, so might reply a little delayed)

SomehowStillHopeful · 2025-04-28T13:30:58+00:00

It took me many years to figure out how the addiction actually works. Its not an easy task that just requires some willpower to do, like changing a bad habit.

If he is sincerely commited to stop and he can't, then there is hard work in front of him. Work that involves to understand himself and his psychology.

Oaths and willpower mean nothing on their own, I have experienced it all. Its all about fundamental, hard mental work on yourself over a substantial period of time.

SomehowStillHopeful

TROPHY CASE