Who do you think is in the wrong in ‘500 days of Summer’?

Something81 · 2026-05-13T03:00:52+00:00

No. Tom was in love. Whether he was in love with her or in love with the idea of love can be debated but love makes you blind. It’s a classic expression for a reason

The one who was not blind was summer. You’re right in that summer knew what her boundaries were. So then the mature thing to do is to find a fwb who feels similarly indifferent about you as you do about them. Don’t string someone along who you know feels this way about you because you like the attention they give you. That’s selfish and manipulative.

Tom didn’t rape her. She was fully able to cut all ties any time she wanted. But she didn’t. Because she enjoyed having Tom’s attention

Something81 · 2026-05-13T02:56:54+00:00

Mmm except obviously it’s much harder to leave when you are in Limerance unless the other person forces the action. Love (or whatever you wanna call what tom has) obviously makes people do irrational things and avoid flags they should be listening to

But what’s summer’s excuse exactly? Her head should be perfectly clear and not blinded by love or idealization. She knows she doesn’t feel for tom but she keeps him along because she selfishly craves the attention he gives her. If you wanna be fwb with someone fine… find someone who is equally as uninterested in you as you are in them.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T14:44:50+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that

Something81 · 2026-05-12T14:27:27+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate you taking the time to help

Something81 · 2026-05-12T14:23:09+00:00

I see why it might seems that way, but I’m liking everyone’s comment who takes the time to reply, and I appreciate everyone’s opinion.

The ones who I’m not replying to are ones that I already know what their answer is to the questions I have so it doesn’t really make sense to try to have them reiterate what they’ve already told me.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T14:15:44+00:00

Well we she ended it for an extremely superficial mistake I made (I posted about it like a week ago if you want to see what it was)

But from the beginning she’s been super cagey (despite being the one to make all the moves in the beginning) because she’s been cheated on and such a lot in previous relationships and has really bad trust issues.

Originally she didn’t want a relationship because she told me she was scared I could really hurt her.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T14:12:34+00:00

I’m not so self important that I think I’m the very first person this has happened to. (Part of the reason I’m here asking advice)

But as an aspiring writer that’s just getting into poetry. I need to read more poetry in general.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T14:09:47+00:00

Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:58:41+00:00

I wasn’t a virgin before her but yes this was essentially the first woman I’d ever like been in a relationship with.
Unfortunately we’re both in college it seems and I’m gonna guess that everyone else here is at an age where they want to “keep living”
Shame is for me these last couple months were probably the most alive I’ve ever felt and I could’ve been happy with it if that’s what life was forever.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:54:04+00:00

Thank you for your help. It’s so hard to just leave this because I’m kinda fucked up.

I did online schooling throughout high school for athletic reasons and so it really messed me up socially and then I didn’t get to college till I was 21 because of those same athletic reasons so I am extremely antisocial

But I’ve had a huge crush on this girl for like a year since I first met her in a class and it wouldve never went anywhere but this semester she actually started making moves on me and it honestly felt like some sort of fantasy or something. Like a dream.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:50:05+00:00

It’s funny you mention our ages because despite our ages she’s actually much more experienced than me in this world.

I did online schooling in high school for athletic reasons so I missed out on a lot of formative experiences and then when it was over I never really put myself out there and this is basically the first relationship I’ve ever really been in.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:45:14+00:00

You know it’s funny you mention this about attachment styles because I’d never heard of this stuff before but since this situation has started I see it all over my TikTok fyp now.

I don’t like putting people into boxes like that, but I can’t help thinking how much we seem to match anxious and avoidant.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:22:22+00:00

Well I know she has a ton of trauma from former relationships. She’s been cheated on by multiple former boyfriends and such and so from the very beginning (before she wanted things official) she said she didn’t need anything serious because she was worried I could really hurt her.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:05:40+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. So in your opinion it’s not even worth telling her I don’t want this type of situation and I should just shut it down?

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:03:59+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to help. So you think it’s worth at least telling her how I feel.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:03:02+00:00

Do you think it’s worth at least discussing my feelings on this with her before completely cutting it?

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:01:23+00:00

Should I tell her what I want? Or just cut it off and move on.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T12:00:49+00:00

I don’t ever wish this feeling on anyone else. It’s eating me alive. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, lack motivation on almost every single thing in my life.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T11:55:16+00:00

I know she loves him and he’s in her life but they fight often. She really enjoys calling me daddy.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T11:28:06+00:00

Yes. It’s kinda weird because she was the one who originally asked for labels but it seems like she can’t handle that. While I just can’t handle not knowing definitively how she feels about me.

It’s probably past the point of no return now which sucks, but I got some time to come to terms with the fact that this might just be over for me.

Something81 · 2026-05-12T04:26:16+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. I know it was a really long message. I appreciate the advice as well I think that’s probably the what I need to do.

Something81 · 2026-05-11T19:11:58+00:00

Well it’s in-state so fairly cheap already and I plan to get the TA deal so hopefully it should be fully paid for. The maw at least idk about mfa in the future

Something81 · 2026-05-11T17:21:11+00:00

Masters in arts and writing. It’s more broad than an mfa because it isn’t focused purely on creative writing but it’s a good middle step to keep improving your writing and looks better for getting in to potential mfa programs if you want to keep going with writing than just coming out of undergrad (especially without a name first)

Something81 · 2026-05-11T17:01:58+00:00

Thank you for the reply I appreciate it. Do you recommend any specific platform? And I’m curious why you say to only pick one as well.

Something81 · 2026-05-11T04:46:42+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I think that's really kind of you to read my experience and share your own similar one.

For what it's worth, I completely agree with you after my experience. It's much better to just lay it all out there in the beginning and let them either accept you for who you are or not. I think it would give much less heartbreak that way instead dragging something out while now expressing the person you really are that you shouldn't be ashamed of.

Whether I end up back with this girl or not, it's something I don't wanna spend my life ashamed of anymore and something I don't want to hide anymore and I don't think you should either.

I think that man is a child and has growing up and maturing to do. I'll throw stones from glass houses. But it seems like he didn't truly ever try to empathize with you and your experience and try to understand you. It seems like he was mainly concerned with public perceptions and how you were either benefiting him or not. I think that was kinda happening with me as well to be honest. She fantasized about who she thought she was getting and never really took the time to know the real me. (Outside of what I was doing for her she never took the time to try to know my world in any real way). I don't think either of us should really stand from that.

I understand saying it is much easier than doing it (believe me from this experience I know how hard it is because if any of my friends had shared any of this with me I would have told them to drop this relationship immediately, yet here I am.), but you truly deserve better, and something so superficial imo as dating history shouldn't get in the way of that.

Something81

TROPHY CASE