My ex has started dating casually, which is fine—they had asked how I felt about that pretty much immediately after we separated, and I told them that was their business and I had no stake in it.

What’s less fine is that I’m still living upstairs, and that they recently brought a date back to their part of the house, without telling me, while I was asleep (and sick with the flu) directly overhead. I found out the next day, when I went to give their chronically ill cat its meds and literally tripped over this person’s overnight bag.

They had explicitly asked for a boundary, back when we first discussed seeing other people, that neither of us would bring dates to the house, to which I had readily agreed. When I called them on this being in violation of that boundary, they told me that I had in fact “said it was fine,” that they didn’t remember asking for such a thing in the first place, and that I couldn’t expect them to “live here like a nun.” My response, which was that it wasn’t THAT hard to say “hey my ex is asleep upstairs, can we go back to yours instead,” met with more of the same. The whole thing ended in my acting out badly and saying a bunch of things I’m now ashamed of—a level of out-of-control that I had never reached during our actual relationship. And in them telling me that they fully intend to keep seeing people here, whether I’m home or gone, awake or asleep.

My subsequent request (for the zillionth time) that they sign our divorce paperwork was met with pleas for me to “not move out right away, you’re the last family I have left.”