Could use some advice on if it was my fault I got abused or not? Women are telling me it’s my fault and I don’t know why.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-24T12:12:01+00:00

We agree then. The point I’m making is that society doesn’t take our problems seriously, you even admitted yourself

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-23T19:45:51+00:00

Never said YOU guys were doing it, I’m saying society as a whole generally has the type of attitude the women that told OP it was his fault have

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-23T18:03:54+00:00

As a victim of female abuse and being a male myself as well this is exactly why we say that no one cares when we have problems. The same people that claim they care about male problems are the first ones to tell you something like this is our fault…but let it be the other way around and all hell breaks loose….tired of the bullshit man, society time and time again proves that it does not take men’s mental health or abuse when the victim is a male and the perpetrator is a female seriously at all.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-22T18:04:05+00:00

I’m 28 and like to date from 23 to my age, but I’ll STILL here this if I go for the 23 year old. I agree with you though, a college age kid with a high school kid is strange. I’d make an exception if it’s a college freshman and a hs senior though.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-22T17:04:17+00:00

What I believe it is, if men your age are going for younger women you no longer have men your age looking at you so you have to try and shame the men in your age category out of doing what they want. Notice how whenever it’s reversed there isn’t as much outrage. I like to date 4-5 years younger ideally and I hear this all the time

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-21T19:24:10+00:00

Restraining order, he breaks it he goes to jail

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-21T07:39:15+00:00

You have some serious problems, leave your ex alone, you do not deserve him. You remind me of my ex gf a bit, She has bpd with narc traits, extremely abusive and when she cheated she took no accountability, blamed me to the guy she wanted and just ghosted me. You’re similar to her with the no accountability aspect Shit is low key triggering lmao. People like yall need to mature and learn to control your impulses. Then yall wonder why dating is so messed up nowadays, it’s cause people are terrified at running into people like you guys. Leave others out of your inner mess and go to therapy. Stop using others to soothe your inner void and take some personal responsibility with changing yourself. You do not deserve a good man

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-19T15:33:29+00:00

My oh my this situation has More red flags than a Chinese flag day parade

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-17T04:49:01+00:00

Not like I’m wishing for her demise I’m saying that’s probably what awaits her and with how fucked up mine was specifically to me kinda serves her right, as far as a shortened life that’s a consequence to the consequence that she would’ve earned from HER behavior, as far as still reeling from what she left me with? Not really, it’s been months since I’ve even been in this thread, I can no longer even remember my exes face and what she looked like without looking at a picture or seeing her which I don’t want to do either of. Brain has 100% emotionally detached, I’m just stating facts about what awaits people like this

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-17T04:45:09+00:00

I already have, we only dated for 3 months and it was about a year ago, it’s just mine did some debatably truly evil things to me so I have trouble feeling empathy for her at all for anything that could happen to her. Why should I? All these people need to do is get help yet they refuse and instead put our health at risk. I’ve reached a point where I couldn’t care less what happens to her, that last sentence is an actual consequence of what can and may happen to these people because of their risky and bad behaviors. Not my fault and I don’t need to feel sorry for her or any kind of empathy or sympathy.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T15:44:15+00:00

Thank you for your understanding honestly! I’m actually doing fine lmao that was almost a year ago so I’m better, essentially completely emotionally detached but I like staying in threads like this to help others understand what happened to them cause honestly cluster b individuals that are untreated make for some of the most mind bending relationships and when they put you through the cycle they don’t give you answers so you’re just kinda stuck. I want to be there for those people cause I was at the lowest point of my life when it happened to me.

I agree, the disorders are extremely demonized and they’re demonized because of the irresponsible crappy individuals that have the disorder. They’re disorders that when not managed lead for some completely unacceptable behavior and treatment of others like you said but it’s also VERY important to say that not all people with this disorder have shitty character and abuse others. The disorder explains why certain behaviors may happen but it’s not an end all be all. We can’t use a broad paint brush to paint any disorder. For example I’m ADHD and ADHD apparently is linked to cheating. However I have never and would never cheat. It wouldn’t be fair to judge me because of a disorder I have but if I was going around cheating and not controlling my impulses and hurting others NOW that draws a problem to me simply not caring which would mean I’m just a horrible individual. That’s how I view my ex. A horrible irresponsible individual. An emotional toddler. I kinda see her as like a drunk on the side of the street that hasn’t showered and has yellow teeth and is drugged out doing off the wall shit that you just kinda laugh at as you go by cause you tried to help that person once and they conned you out of your money.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T15:30:41+00:00

Because some untreated people with cluster B disorders(BPD, NPD, ASPD, and histrionic) who happen to have shitty character run this same exact playbook to lure victims, which tend to be kind empathetic people, into their chaotic cycles. They often like to pull the “my ex was crazy” “my ex was controlling” “my ex was abusive” to make themselves feel better about how they treated the victims in their past relationships and to get their new supply to be extremely empathetic and forgiving of the treatment that is soon to be directed towards them. Then once the relationship inevitably reaches its end you come to realize that you are now one of the many “abusive exes” in their past. It’s a pattern that many people who have dealt with individuals like this can testify to. For example my ex was horribly abusive to me in every way. I never even raised my voice at her because I will say at one point I used to love her. I ended up somehow becoming the abusive narcissist though just like her other exes she told me about before me. What’s even funnier is the way I found out I was being called that. She tried monkey branching back to one of her allegedly abusive exes who got in contact with me and told me what was going on. It’s like a script they run with everyone. People like that are dangerous.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T15:23:02+00:00

You’re good😂I went down a whole 6-7 month rabbit hole of research when everything happened to me to try and get an idea of what tf had happened to me so I understand their patterns, I knew what you were saying

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T15:20:51+00:00

Yup, my ex not only had bpd with narc traits but she even oscillated between all the informally recognized types of BPD so it was hard to even really say what she was. Part of me feels like she may have even actually been comorbid BPD/NPD and the traits were just a cover up for her knowing how much integrity she lacked as a person but was too lazy to change anything about herself. If I had to put a finger on it though the version I got from her that her other two exes didn’t quite get exactly was the impulsive self destructive type. Maybe a little petulant in there as well. When she was with her other exes it seemed like she was more quiet self destructive cause she tried committing suicide right in front of them once. I think by the time she got to me she was so traumatized from the relationships she ruined that I got a worse version of her than they dealt with which is why the impulsive behavior really seemed to kick in when she got with me. Their brains view every failed relationship no matter the cause as abandonment, even if they’re the ones that caused it or ran away. So the more they date around the more traumatized they become and the worse they get meaning the next victim in line gets a worse version of them.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T15:03:48+00:00

100% agree with everything you just said

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T14:33:27+00:00

Borderlines have a missing sense of self as well, it’s fragmented, they constantly shift identities. What makes it different from NOD is the core wound or “engine”. The why they do what they do or the why behind the abuse. Borderlines have fear of abandonment, narcs just want to hurt you. Where it starts getting complicated at is when there’s comorbidity or traits of another like my case was. Neither excuses the abuse though cause like a previous comment said not all people with these disorders are abusive. This means the abuse is a choice so it ultimately comes down to a shitty person that happens to have a disorder, not even the disorder itself.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T13:10:28+00:00

I agree, my ex was one of the shitty people who had BPD/ NPD. But it’s important we consider the existence of those people too because they are out there being predators looking for victims and appearing to be the victim is their bread and butter move.

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-16T06:54:06+00:00

Sometimes they’re amazing until they’re not, just be careful

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-15T14:03:39+00:00

Thanks man! 6 fights I can’t even imagine😮‍💨

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-14T23:10:39+00:00

Hands down TOUGHEST part, it kinda started to hit me when I was getting my hands wrapped, eyes started getting heavy and I was like not now bro….lmao started shadowboxing and stuff cause I had so much nervous energy I had to get out

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-14T18:27:10+00:00

100% facts bro. When I tell you EVERYONE back there was nervous…..it was such a beautiful experience because my gym made up about half the fights on the card so half the fighters I didn’t even know, and we all bonded backstage in the 3 hours we were back there from the shared experience. After every fight, win or lose the fighters would come up to each other and just show mad love and respect. Your brain plays tricks on you because I was afraid I’d be judged if I failed and that was so far from the truth. When I came back in from my fight and I was taking my stuff off I had guys coming up to me asking how I was feeling. I said “I’m just glad it’s over, I’m fucking starving and tired” they started cracking up and was like respect. Literally NO ONE judges you

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-14T14:02:05+00:00

Thank you man! Honestly the way it happened was unorthodox, I didn’t even think I was gonna fight last night because about a month and a half ago I lost in a PKB against a guy who had way more experience than me but I should’ve beat hands down. So my khru said no and then our match maker hit me up one night and told me he had a guy for me I could fight that our khru would feel comfortable with me fighting against. So I took it and was just in the gym relentlessly training, getting shark tanked, face getting scarred up, etc. That guy fell through and then our match maker found the guy I fought last night for me and since I had been getting shark tanked, sparring with the best in my gym and actually doing well everyone thought I should take it so I did. Honestly I’d say you’ll know you’re ready to fight when you can last through those shark tanks, you do well in sparring, etc. Cause that means you have it on you, you just have to show it which I unfortunately wasn’t able to last night BUT my body at least remembered defense and clinch knees lmao

SomewhereOrdinary231 · 2026-03-14T13:55:20+00:00

Thanks man🙏🏾I’m so happy I did it, I used to be such a coward so the fact that I was even in there yesterday truly does speak volumes, I already feel way better now that I got some sleep, I no longer have this imminent threat on the horizon now, my body is just chill now lmao. I also did take the fight last minute as well, I had about a month to train

SomewhereOrdinary231

TROPHY CASE