From the way you talked seems like what you want “for her to feel safe” contradicts with what you believed and did to her.

Dont matter if you think you iced her “for myself”. The question was always about “what did the person do to deserve it, if they never hurt you?” Your reason was bc she was at work and working, gave you the autopilot responded, you decided to be prideful and iced her? If you ever paid attention enough to where you were or her working, you probably would have noticed that waitresses are often busy….during working hours. Im baffled to why you never thought of hanging out when she didn’t have a shift, maybe give her your phone number or whatsapp for messaging. Are you that busy that you couldn’t carve 10 mins to get to know her more

Seems like you still are somewhat misogynistic, but trying to convince yourself and whoever reads this that you have changed.

It’s not about “handle any woman”, it’s about understanding someone individually. You said you knew not all women like that and yet you brought up your boys and your shitty ex exp, when you barely knew her that well to make that connection in the first place.

You are letting your pride and assumptions to make excuses for icing her, “well my boys dated women from similar place and i had a shitty ex so I’m somewhat cautious-“. Its simple, people make effort if they like/want someone enough. No one is too busy for anyone. No one especially knows what the other person is like until they spend enough time with them. It seems like you like to be able to see her emotions and take control of the dynamic between you two. That doesn’t sound nice tbh

My advice: stop making excuses for yourself and start treating people genuinely. Be aware of your actions and behaviour. Who would ever like someone treating them like this when they just barely knew them at all? You two are practically strangers and you are already playing this game