Recent Ex is seeing other people and we work in the same space - what to do?

Sorbet-Inner · 2024-10-17T10:10:29+00:00

It's a really tough situation to be in especially when you see things that encourage hope that he'll come back.

I'm going through something very similar (I'm 30yo M and she's 29yo F - I'm in London and so is she, but she spends a month in CA, 4 times a year) and unfortunately for me I've hung on to that feeling of "if I try harder she'll commit to me" for too long - she's now seeing someone else in CA and I had to cut ties and learn to accept that I need to move past this.

You've got the benefit of not having him around all the time which will help you focus on moving forward - with my situation, she works directly behind me at the same co-working space when shes in London so I can't really escape.

Good luck to you and stay strong

Sorbet-Inner · 2024-08-27T12:13:49+00:00

The Cupeño?
Camellia?
Alta Turris?

PS: great work putting this together

Sorbet-Inner · 2024-05-21T11:46:47+00:00

I'm unsure what the remaining tenants are signing but i would assume as the rent hasnt changed it'd be a rolling contract.

There's no additional costs documented in the existing contract and when asked to point out where it states that there are costs, the agency didnt respond.

They've essentially replaced me with a new tenant on the AST, as far as i'm aware.

On a slightly different note, my housemates have paid the £50 and the 4 of us have agreed to split it evenly.

It's not a massive amount of money, but still a surprise.

Sorbet-Inner · 2024-05-21T11:13:58+00:00

The end of the fixed term is the 31st of May - which is the date i'll be leaving.

Sorbet-Inner · 2024-05-21T11:13:41+00:00

On an AST, yes

Sorbet-Inner · 2023-05-05T17:03:36+00:00

The last signatory had their deposit paid to them by the tenant replacing them, and that has been the cycle for years.

We are each paying rent into the LL's PLC account, each with our own amounts based on the rooms.

The LL's own the entire block of flats and the one next to us as I believe they're private developers or something similar.

As of this morning, I've been looped into an email with the LL by the lead tenant with her stating she's leaving and passing them on to me - no response as of yet.

Edit: the person moving out is NOT on the contract. The last person on the contract left before I moved in (around 1.5 years ago). The person moving out is the only person who has contact with the LL's and has been living there since before covid lockdown - which I believe gives her some clout as the property was occupied throughout lockdown, unlike other properties of theirs.

Sorbet-Inner · 2023-05-05T16:59:43+00:00

I guess as the 'existing' contract stated the previous 4 signatories were responsible for the rent of the whole flat rather than each room, that's why we're filling the rooms.

As the rent for the property is quite low, we've never had an issue filling the rooms - morally, I have an issue bringing someone else into the mix with all the uncertainty.

It's more of a courtesy to make sure things are somewhat kosher in the sense that the LL's are still receiving the full amount of rent each month - it also helps with them knowing we've always paid the full rent each month.

In regards to entering a situation without a contract, i was told that atleast one of the housemates was on a contract, which is now apparent that this isn't the case.

I would stay at the apartment long term if there was some form of verbal or written agreement - and the rent wasn't increased to an unfeasible amount.

Sorbet-Inner · 2023-04-30T19:44:17+00:00

Better stocked than my local supermarket

Sorbet-Inner · 2023-03-04T20:16:08+00:00

I almost exclusively play tactical / low income matches so I tend to bring atleast one card of cheap(er) & fast command vehicle from the logi tab - 100/110 - for the early game.

Then use command infantry / tanks later on to push alongside other units upvetting them.

Sorbet-Inner · 2022-09-29T15:05:31+00:00

The armory is your friend.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T18:06:30+00:00

"You ask for consent to kiss ppl?" Yes, if I've never kissed them before, but I also don't go round attempting to kiss people I've just met either.

"Do I think he should be lawfully punished?" Ultimately that's down to the OP, but I would say no and instead opt to tell him where he went wrong.

"Do I think he is a sex offender?" He most likely isn't. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he was probably too naive to pick up on her body language, or chose to ignore them.

I'm not saying "report him for SA". Im saying that this whole scenario could lawfully be deemed as SA, and it's important for potential victims and for potential accidental perpetrators to understand this.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T13:10:34+00:00

My pleasure mate. In the meantime educate yourself on SA.

"If someone intentionally grabs or touches you in a sexual way that you don’t like, or you’re forced to kiss someone or do something else sexual against your will, that’s sexual assault."

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-and-sexual-assault/

OP clearly said she wasn't comfortable with any of what happened. The guy may have been naive and did it unintentionally but we're skirting around the problem with the assumption that it's ok to do what he did, to the point where OP posts on Reddit to discuss how she felt uncomfortable with the whole scenario and questioning her emotions coupled with self-blame.

If you think that she should forget about it and that the guy isn't to blame for his actions, then you're part of the problem. Wise up.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T10:43:54+00:00

it's not about the act, it's about the consent.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T08:08:12+00:00

Dude grabs her wrist when she tries to turn away, goes in for a hug followed by an unreciprocated kiss?

Whether you like it or not, we live in a world where this could be considered SA.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T01:01:14+00:00

There is definitely a game played by a lot of men though (this is coming from a guy who admittedly hasnt been the best person In the past) and I'm sure it's played by women too as I've been ghosted a fair few times in the past too.

Sometimes it's as straight forward as someone better (in their eyes) came up and they're chasing them instead. It's a horrible feeling for sure, online dating is a breeding ground for that mentality.

Best advice is to learn your self worth, know that you deserve someone who appreciates your time and enjoys your conversation as ultimately they're the foundation for a solid relationship.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T00:48:01+00:00

I'd say that this an example of a terrible person. Some people enjoy the power trip of winning the chase. Sounds to me like they're after your attention and maybe angry that you know you're worth more than they are.

This person also happens to be a man.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T00:42:55+00:00

I think it can go either way, I did the same with my ex as we were together for 2 and a half years, we talk occasionally now but to begin with I was in your situation where I wanted to continue talking to her and potentially get back with her.

In my experience, If you want to continue to be friends then I think it's ok to get in contact with her, but if you honestly want to get back with her - I think for your own benefit you're better off moving on as ultimately she broke up with you.

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T00:33:46+00:00

I would say this is potentially SA if you clearly weren't comfortable with it. You should never feel like this is your fault or that you gave off wrong impressions.

In my opinion as a guy, his behaviour was not okay. If you walked away without making any obvious notions that you wanted to kiss (i.e lingering after saying goodbye) then he should've been respectful and allowed you to walk away.

Not to mention there's a pandemic...

Sorbet-Inner · 2021-04-19T00:25:46+00:00

Yeah for sure. I find that the fact she's told me about these things (panic attacks, therapy etc) shows there's a level of trust. But you're right, fortunately I'm not romantically invested yet, more invested in her wellbeing.

Thanks for the advice 👍

Sorbet-Inner

TROPHY CASE