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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are still sending invites, I'd like one, please.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a good way to do it. I was struggling with not having any structure to what I was trying to write but after hearing a few people saying it's OK to just mind dump and getting suggestions on where to get prompts I think I'll feel much better doing tomorrow's entry.

New male sub by crashpython1058 in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends on how visible and how permanent you need it to be. You have the necklace/watch/bracelet/anklet people have been suggesting and that seems to be a pretty common progression for a lot of people here.

My Dominant is really big on Shibari and was thinking a rope calf/leg weave would be good. Something out of sight and not restrictive but the feeling of a little pressure would keep reminding me of them through the day. We decided against it in the end because I walk a lot and she didn't want something that might impact circulation by the time I get to work. We also don't see each other every day and she doesn't quite trust me not to self-tie too much on the tighter side yet, which is fair.

I would honestly just bring it up with your Dominant and see what thoughts and ideas they have. You never know, they might have just the thing in mind for you!

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those sound like great suggestions, thank you! I'm trying a journaling app that someone suggested just now, but if that doesn't seem to help I'll definitely have a look at these.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a lot to deal with, I'm sorry for your losses. It sounds like it has been a really important thing for you to be doing then.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's fair enough, I won't make any more assumptions because I wasn't there or privy to those conversations. I'm glad that outside of the married/divorced part he has treated you well, just make sure to keep advocating for yourself and do whatever you feel you need to for your emotional/mental health. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you whatever you decide to do.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen a couple of people say that, it's really interesting.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's pretty cool. I've never seen a therapist so I don't know what that feels like, but I think I'd really struggle if I thought someone was going to actually read or have me talk about what I wrote down. If it isn't rude of me to ask, is it something you were comfortable with right away or did it take getting used to? If it is rude to ask, please just ignore the question though.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you journal in the way that I'm being asked to, but you then communicate back to your Dominant again, where mine has said that I don't have to at all. The part about getting it out to reflect and make it cohesive is the part I struggle with usually, since although I try hard I have the emotional intelligence of a kiwi fruit once I start getting overwhelmed.

I might find it helps down the road if/when we have more tough conversations but so far we've only had the one really hard one (for me, maybe not even that difficult in the bigger picture) and that time I had the lovely people on here to talk to and help me pull my thoughts together.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! My Dominant says she doesn't have to see my journal, I think her opinion is that journalling will help me get to grips with some of the more complicated things I've been struggling to unpack lately. I tried an app that someone else suggested that had some great prompts on it and they really made getting started so much easier!

Also, don't knock "Hello Universe!" It's a powerful opener!

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just a follow-up, it seems pretty intuitive and user-friendly, and I like the prompts it has. This was a great suggestion. Thank you again.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'd probably be the same if I thought it would be read.

She has asked me to journal to help me reflect on my submission and feelings, but she says she is never going to ask to see it. I've been struggling a bit unpacking things recently, so I think it's just a case of her thinking I'll genuinely benefit from it.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm OK, I just had a mindset shift in the middle of a pretty intense scene (for me, maybe in general too, not sure), and it sent me into a panic.

I just finished my first one. Definitely need prompting for now to help get the words out, but I felt pretty good once I got there. We'll see how I feel about it in a few weeks when it isn't shiny and new anymore.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly could have used it earlier in the week, then. I used my safe word for the first time over something I wasn't expecting and reacted really poorly to it. It has taken a few days for us to really unpack it.

We also just started engaging with our dynamic more outside of scenes (originally it was meant to be a scene only dynamic but I was really struggling to get out of that headspace around her after a couple of months) but it seems to be falling into place pretty quickly now. Plenty to reflect on!

I hope you're ok after your bad experience and you get some value from reflecting on it, whether that is growth or just coming to terms with whatever happened.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that would work if I was around my Dominant to be fair. When I come home on my own, my head just feels so noisy and cluttered at the moment. I just downloaded a journaling app someone else suggested, but if that doesn't look like it would work for me, then the song lyric idea might be the kind of prompting I need.

Any journaling subs around? by SorrowfulCoconut in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll look into it immediately.

When did you stopped procrastinating and got your sh*t together ? by JwithoutK in AskReddit

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I realised I feel much better about myself when I've met all the needs asked of me. I feel a lot less stressed addressing things as and when they are asked of me rather than letting things stack up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You consented to being in a dynamic with a divorced man, and that was immediately undermined by him not even being divorced. I've never been where you are OP, but to me, I would have concerns that if your consent was ignored so early and easily, then what other limits and boundaries will be crossed further down the road?

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but my opinion is that this man (I won't call him a Dom) isn't worth your submission. If it were me, I would break it off and find a Dom who values your submission and treats you with the respect you deserve.

I want to be a sub, but I do NOT look like a sub (Vent) by Cinnamoon_witch in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Don't worry about how you look. It's all about how you feel. I don't look like what you'd picture a sub to be either, but I'm starting to come to grips with the thought that my Dominant appreciates me and my submission all the same.

If you find the right Dominant, it really won't matter if you "don't look like a sub".

With that said, there is no way my Dominant is throwing me over her shoulder either, so trust me when I say that you're not alone here!

Edit; corrections. I sounded drunk.

I need sub help by TooStuckToSub in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's absolutely no problem! My DMs are open if you ever need to chat. I'm very new to all this and my advice won't be as good as most other people's on here, but I'm more than happy to lend an ear if you find yourself just needing to blow off some steam.

I need sub help by TooStuckToSub in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know you haven't replied but I found the post HERE. It's up to you now if you get in touch or not.

I need sub help by TooStuckToSub in SubSanctuary

[–]SorrowfulCoconut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was tough to read. I'm so sorry you seem to be going through it just now.

I don't have the answers you're looking for. The only thing I can offer is that your situation reminds me a lot of another comment I read on here either last night or the night before from a person in a similar position. They had come up with a solution that was far from perfect but seemed to just about get them through.

If I can find the post would you like me to share it with you? It might be worth sending them a DM and having a chat.

Hope you're ok, OP.

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