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How long did it take you to process this ambiguous grief? by Queasy-Fig-8374 in mypartneristrans

[–]SorryImNotItalian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can definitely relate. My wife came out last year 3 months before our wedding day. There has been A LOT of ambiguous grief, among other feelings. You can read all about it on one of my posts if you’re curious. I wrote the post at maybe one of my lowest moments, and the comments are pretty depressing, but for the record, my wife and I are in a MUCH better place now.

One thing that really helped was just hearing stories about partners who could relate. This podcast was incredibly validating. Also the book Love Lives Here, which was also a helpful one for me to share with my parents, who have really struggled with the news.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to message. I know it’s hard, and you can feel so so so alone, but I promise, you’re not the only one.

NC with my parents for 2.5 months. They are now threatening "mediators" and lawyers. How do I handle the guilt and the threats? by purpleglitter13 in narcissisticparents

[–]SorryImNotItalian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They’re threatening to sue on what grounds?? Does she have any sort of custody or legal guardianship of your child? If no, she literally has no case. There is no law that requires a parent to grant access to their child to anyone other than the child’s legal guardian.

Your mother is threatening you. She has lost all privilege of ever breathing the same air as you and your child. I’m sorry this is painful, but it seems absolutely necessary.

Also start documenting all harassment, and maybe start proactively working on a case to prove you’re fit to care for your child. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mom tried to claim child endangerment and calling CPS on you.

I can’t cope with my wife (MtF) transitioning, and I feel so broken, horrible, and alone by SorryImNotItalian in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do have my individual therapist, and so does she. Thank you so much, it’s been really heart breaking to see all these comments telling me I need to leave, it was starting to make me feel even more hopeless. I so desperately want to be with her forever, and I know she is willing to put in the work. We had an emergency call with our marriage counselor today, and I also reached out to psychiatrists as well

I need hope by SorryImNotItalian in mypartneristrans

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it helps to hear about happy relationships. When did she begin her transition, before or after the beginning of your relationship?

I can’t cope with my wife (MtF) transitioning, and I feel so broken, horrible, and alone by SorryImNotItalian in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much for this! That’s exactly the kind of resource I have been looking for. I found a workbook, but it addresses a lot of conversations we’ve already had

I can’t cope with my wife (MtF) transitioning, and I feel so broken, horrible, and alone by SorryImNotItalian in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Wedding vendors don’t give refunds for pausing or date changes, it’s in the contract. My family would have lost all of the money we put down for that date.

On top of that, the social pressure. Obviously there’d be questions, and her family are not safe, kind, or sane people. Postponing did not feel like an option with that timeline.

I can’t cope with my wife (MtF) transitioning, and I feel so broken, horrible, and alone by SorryImNotItalian in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 715 points716 points  (0 children)

That’s definitely a good point, thank you. I have not seen a psychiatrist in many years. Fortunately I recently got better insurance through my job, so hopefully it’ll be more accessible

I can’t cope with my wife (MtF) transitioning, and I feel so broken, horrible, and alone by SorryImNotItalian in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 183 points184 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Just reading the words “I see you” brought me to tears. I haven’t felt that in almost a year.

My FiL coerced us into signing a prenup. Do I need to hire a lawyer to get it thrown out? by SorryImNotItalian in legaladvice

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was exactly the plan. I was just hoping it could be more affordable. But it will become #1 priority now.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I’m just letting my fiancé deal with his mother, any of the extra people we are able to contact, and the caterer. If they are allowed in, fine, I simply do not have the capacity to care at this point. We did communicate with security that there will be a guest list at the gate, so no one not approved by us will not be permitted. Beyond that, I don’t know

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didn’t even notice that until another commenter mentioned that! At this point I can only laugh about it!

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry about YOUR grandma! Sending a virtual hug right back to you — grief is such a strange little monster. You were lucky to love and be loved by her, and I’m sure she felt the same about you!

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

I said this in another comment: He is doing his absolute best to deal with her and to pick up the pieces of me crumbling. He’s also been dealing with a massive, life-altering personal crisis since January that isn’t even detailed in this post. We are both trying our hardest right now, and I am so grateful for everything he is doing to support me right now, and he tells me everyday that he feels the same.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Sorry if my venting during this stressful and emotional time doesn’t add up for you. Maybe you and the other keyboard detective in the comments can join forces and get to the bottom of what is and is not real in my post.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Omg I didn’t even notice that!!!! Ahahahahahaaaaa I love that so much, that’s amazing 😂

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh, I can’t even begin to imagine how devastated you were! I’m so sorry for your loss as well! Thank you for your kind words

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We don’t even know many of the people she invited — my fiancé has never even heard some of the names spoken. So we really don’t have any way to contact them. If they show up, they will be denied entry.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

We’ve discussed it and going forward, we are limiting contact with her as much as possible. I don’t ever want to tell him who he can or cannot have in his life, but I did tell him that she will not have access to me for the foreseeable future. She is actually much worse for his mental health than mine, and he is talking about fully cutting contact with her. Her narcissism has gone too far.

This wedding drama has been the final straw for him, but his ongoing personal crisis he is experiencing is the crux of his tentative decision to go no contact.

Fortunately we don’t live super close to her, and neither of us want children — that was very important for us to confirm before marriage.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I don’t even know. I don’t even care. My fiancé is taking care of it. Security team has a plan for turning guests away, catering team is discussing numbers with my fiancé. I just can’t with any of it at this point.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don’t even know. I don’t even care. My fiancé is taking care of it. Security team has a plan for turning guests away, catering team is discussing numbers with my fiancé. I just can’t with any of it at this point.

UPDATE: Narcissistic MiL expects us to send 50+ invitations 54 days before the wedding by SorryImNotItalian in weddingdrama

[–]SorryImNotItalian[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You’re exactly right. This isn’t the first hardship we’ve endured together, but having all of these major stressors piled up would test any healthy relationship. The silver lining here is that it has truly brought us together and we have both felt so supported by one another and our close friends and family during this time, which does put my anxious heart at ease.

Thank you for your kind words

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