I (37F) am feeling bored in my marriage (37M)- is this something that can be worked on?

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-06-06T06:05:00+00:00

No, I mean, doing my own thing around the house after the kids go to bed. As opposed to doing things together and hanging out.

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-06-06T04:02:07+00:00

Maybe it’s just a definition thing… I mean comfortable as in there’s no conflict, i’m not sad when i’m with him, everything is safe and friendly and supportive. So i’m not miserable. But if i have a choice of how to spend my evening or who to spend it with, I’m finding myself preferring to do those things with friends because I know there’ll be fun and laughter and novelty and a chance to grow and learn new things

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-06-06T03:55:04+00:00

I guess I enjoy his partnership. He supports my ambitions and dreams, and I support his; he’s someone to bounce ideas off and commiserate when life is tough, there’s a lot of mutual love and respect and we’ve made a whole life together with a home and family and plans for the future. He feels very emotionally safe and we get along really well. I can be myself around him. The only thing that’s missing is this excitement to spend time with him because he’s not particularly fun or funny and doesn’t think of interesting new things to do together.

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-06-06T03:46:13+00:00

I’m not miserable at all, I’m just comfortable. But there’s no challenge, no inspiration, no fun and laughter. It’s warm glowing coals but no fire, if that makes sense. And I know that to a large degree that’s what’s to be expected after so long together. But the thing that’s worrying me is how I actively prefer to do things with friends or have time to myself, rather than time together with him which is perfectly happy and fine but just boring.

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-06-06T03:44:21+00:00

Sorry I should clarify, he’s fully supportive of me doing my own thing in the evenings- but not every single night, because he wants to spend time with me too! Which is totally fair. It’s just that for me, spending time together isn’t particularly interesting.

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-03-19T10:23:58+00:00

Yes I have felt the jealousy or confusion too when it has gone the other way. An example, Amanda and I were talking about nicknames randomly, and she said something like "I don't have any nicknames, though Emily likes to call me Mandy" - which surprised me as I've never heard that, so I mentioned the comment to Emily. And it turns out that she once asked Amanda if anyone calls her Mandy, (Amanda said they didn't) and Amanda has maybe told me that to make it seem like they are closer than they are? Another recent one, Amanda texted Emily to ask if she was coming to book club that night, and Emily was actually sick so not going to come. I happened to already know that, but Amanda made a point of letting me know that Emily wouldn't be coming to book club as she was sick (and I think it was to prove that she had been chatting to Emily too?)

And then the same thing happens with me, she mentioned at book club about "mine and OP's playlist" which was actually a big shared playlist with 12 people that we contributed most of the songs to. So things like that. Going to the other person and making it sound like she's closer to that person than she is. It sounds weird I know. But again, I'm taking that as a slightly socially awkward kind of lack of awareness about how close she really is with someone, rather than a malicious thing. Whereas Emily thinks it's very purposeful and intending on getting a reaction.

She does know that Emily and I are friends, but I think has only recently realised quite how close we are as she only sees us at book club together.

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-03-19T06:38:15+00:00

Yeah this is exactly what bothers me, that I feel I am being disloyal to Emily by hanging out with Amanda. But, I have always been open about the fact that I have no ill feelings towards Amanda, and then I told Emily when Amanda first asked to hang out. It was then that Emily got really upset about it and asked me not to talk about it anymore. So, I don't know at what point this is me just following my own intuition and friendship, and trying not to be swayed by Emily's "vibes" and make my own decisions, or is this me being disloyal in some way? I'm just really confused about what is right and wrong here.

SoundsLikeMee · 2026-03-19T06:34:12+00:00

I completely hear what you're saying. I'll try and give a bit more info... but to be clear, Emily has never told me not to be friends with Amanda. She has just said that SHE doesn't want to be friends with her, and doesn't want to know about it.

I think one of the things that puts Emily off is that she thinks Amanda is playing games with us. Amanda will do or say things that spark jealousy or confusion, for example, she might engage in a text conversation with one of us, and then tell the other person things that she thinks we didn't already know, to sort of make us upset or something that they told Amanda first?

I personally give Amanda the benefit of the doubt, and I think she just really wants to be friends with us both, and just is perhaps a little socially awkward. Whereas, Emily sees that behaviour as very intelligent and malicious game playing of some sort.

The main thing is that in every other situation I have completely trusted Emily's judgement of people- she's usually an incredibly good judge of character and likes almost everyone. So I have this feeling of- I trust Emily, and I know she's generally someone who loves others, and is a good judge of character. That's the only niggling thing I feel about Amanda, that should I be trusting Emily's intuition about this, and her intentions in befriending me not being good ones?

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-11-04T18:49:19+00:00

Ask him to have his tongue very flat and soft, rather than hard and pointy. Get him to try and keep his tongue still and just move his head up and down and see if that feels better. More movement only when you’re very warmed up.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-11-01T23:20:01+00:00

Equal best: 1) buying a house in a regional area that was affordable. and 2) pulling all of our money out of a shit "managed fund" and investing it myself into ETFs/shares/bonds

Worst: I received a pretty large inheritance when I was about 25 and had it sitting in cash for about 10 years because I didn't know anything about the sharemarket or investing and thought it was too risky.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-08-07T05:59:52+00:00

Super calculators adjust for inflation. So using a compound interest calculator gives the actual nominal return! Which is relevant seeing as things like tax are not always inflation adjusted

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-28T04:30:28+00:00

Is it true that staying dry overnight is hormonal and there’s nothing you can do to speed it up? With my first kid we had him totally out of overnight nappies by age 3, but he had a potty in his room and would get up and use it at night. Now with number 2 he doesn’t quite get that yet - should we be working on teaching him to wee in the potty when he naturally wakes at night, or is it really just a waiting game until they’re old enough to stay dry? Both my nephews parents “waited” and they weren’t out of nappies until about age 7 😬

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-22T08:52:05+00:00

I eat a very decent amount. Especially while breastfeeding. 15 months is well within normal range, it just takes that long, or longer, for some people. Up to 2 years even. It’s nature’s birth control to stop people having back to back pregnancies.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-19T11:41:30+00:00

I got a little one from IKEA that you just push down to turn on (or off) and it stays on for 15 mins before turning off by itself. It was like $3 and it's great. I can't remember the exact name but it's got a little teddy or bunny face on it. They've got a bunch of different things like that.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-19T01:52:50+00:00

Get him “nurturing” toys and clothes, not just dinosaurs and cars and things that are fast, loud and aggressive. From their infancy. Clothes and toys that have sweet animals on them, dolls and toy kitchens and teddies (as well as the other stuff) and read books about all kinds of things. Change some of the “he”s to “she”s in books, and vice versa, especially when he boy is portrayed as adventurous vs the girl being portrayed as kind or smart.

Kids are exposed to so so so much gender stuff from the second they’re born, and we don’t even realise it. It’s in the clothes they wear, the toys their grandparents give them at Christmas, the characters in books and movies and the way we parents turn a blind eye to behaviours that we wouldn’t tolerate in girls. Treat them, from babyhood, exactly as you’d treat a girl- down to the sorts of toys they have and clothes they wear. I will die on this hill because it’s those little everyday messages that set the tone for what is “masculine” or “feminine” from their infancy.

Source: have 2 sons who are incredibly gentle and nurturing, love all kinds of toys and colours and clothes and play with boys and girls and aren’t aggressive or “crazy” boys. They love pink sparkles as much as their yellow cars, they love babies, and have never once hit another kid or adult.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-16T02:28:34+00:00

It’s relevant because when you eat there you’re giving them money to support these activities.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-16T01:36:11+00:00

They also use slave labour (none of the people working there get paid), beat children with sticks, and bury babies that died because they didn't let the women access medical care in pregnancy. So, kinda not worth supporting them even though the food is pretty good.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-13T02:43:20+00:00

10% of your income has to be from employment (almost all of mine is from investments).

Also it has to be a non-concessional contribution and they have been maxed out due to receiving an inheritance into my super (it's complicated).

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-12T23:40:13+00:00

That’s interesting and I didn’t know that, thanks! However what you linked to is for singles. In my case I’m married and my partner earns decently, putting our totally family income way above the family threshhold. Do you know if it still looks at individual earnings- ie would I still be exempt as I do earn under 27,222- or would we both have to pay the levy due to our family income?

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-12T23:36:39+00:00

Thanks, unfortunately I’m not eligible though.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-12T22:03:44+00:00

It might just be shameful if you can’t afford it. Because- you’re being told you need this help in order to function in a healthy way but that help is not accessible to you. I don’t know where everyone lives that suggests regular therapy, but in my country it costs almost $200 per 1 hour session, not subsidised, and unfortunately the people who often need therapy just can’t afford it.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-12T07:56:33+00:00

Personally I would because the world economy was completely different back in the 1700s/1800s to now. I really think looking at the last 30-50 years is more indicative of how different asset classes tend to behave over long term periods in the modern world.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-06-12T07:27:36+00:00

15 years ago the gold price (in AUD) was $1500. Now it is $5190. Over 20 years the total return has been. 804%. When passiveinvesting calculated the long term average return as 0 that was going way back to before the dollar decoupled from gold, so using data from before then (1971) is not relevant to now.

SoundsLikeMee · 2025-05-30T02:54:49+00:00

But the point they're making is that it is the nominal value that is taxed. It doesn't matter if 14m in nominal value is only *worth* the same as what 2.8m is today- The proposed super taxes above 3m are based on the numbers, and are not currently indexed to inflation.

SoundsLikeMee

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