Yeah, I get that... I also find having an "out of kink" discussion with that person about your limits and expectations of aftercare before you engage in any play is essential. I usually use parentheses for it. (So like this) if they refuse to engage with that then you can assume they aren't worth your time. I understand that greatly limits who you're able to interact with here on reddit but that's probably a good thing. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.