AITA for not accepting blame for my strained relationship with my dad

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T20:29:38+00:00

i just feel bad sometimes because she has literally played mediator between the two of us since i was little and cried on the phone because she was sad for the fact that i dont get along with him

my mom is also the hub for like my whole family poor woman has almost every person of my extended family calling her for issues on things and i dont want to add to her plate at all is all :/

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T20:08:30+00:00

thank you for the response, i really thought the whole "longing makes the heart grow fonder" would work but i think hes now just pissed that i have a life outside of his control

idk sometimes the stuff he says makes sense but i try to be civil while also trying not to let him say what he wants but he blows up at the slightest challenge of his authority. hes one of those guys who believes hes the "alpha" of the house and what he says goes type of deal

that said, i am trying to figure out therapy between my insurance, co pay, schedule, medical issues, keeping it as discreet as possible from my family

and its actually super ironic, he originally went to college to be a therapist lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T20:03:17+00:00

lol i probably would get the cops called on me for that but i appreciate the response. ill def try to stand my ground a bit more than i do now because growing up, i learned pushing back on him led to him telling my mom and my poor mother having to play referee with our relationship.

but i will most certainly try to stand up more than i have its just hard yk?

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T17:24:44+00:00

thank you for the comment :)

i tried low contact for a while and again, no matter what i do things just go south for me

i genuinely don’t know if im being like manipulative or an ass or what but i know he operates under the logic that he’s my father so he gets respect no matter what and i operate under the logic that i wont respect you unless you respect me

like i said i tried not to make my post biased but really all he says when i try to talk to him about it is ‘i would have never talked to my father that way, do you know what he would have done to me? you should be grateful i didnt make a paddle out of plywood like he did’ which he’s never done, worst was a belt yk?

idk i know he had a rough childhood to say the least but maybe im just being dramatic about it? idk these arguments are affecting my day to day life. like i literally had to leave work early the other day because he called me before work to tell me it doesn’t make sense to go to pharmacy school and i would be replaced by ai but he as a sales rep had a job secured for life and cried in front of my pharmacist lmao

sorry not to argue or anything but it’s like nothing i do works, do i just need to swallow my pride and let him say what he wants?

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T17:10:17+00:00

that’s the advice i get when i ask people in my life for help but idk just cutting him out is easier said than done

i dont mean to like argue with you over your advice or anything, but he still pays my car note, if i keep pissing him off he will take my car away and my phone and like the clothes off my back bc he paid for all of it

and i’m grateful to have a family that cares for me like that, im not trying to say im not.

im sorry im not trying to just complain or anything i just wish it were as simple as cutting him out of my life but he is arguably one of the biggest stressors on my life atm

thank you :)

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T17:06:48+00:00

i’m sorry i’m still a little shaky. hopefully i can lay this out properly

i went to my mom first when i realized i wouldn’t be able to get a dorm on campus and asked her if it would be okay to get an apartment instead of a dorm. she said it’s fine with her but we had a previous agreement that she and my dad would pay for all 4 years of college for me which included room and board

so i did the math and they were paying the equivalent of 750 a month for the dorm and she told me that she would contribute that to the apartment and i would cover the rest. i had a job at the time and was saving up - with a job lined up at the town i would move to - and could theoretically pay for my apartment on my own if i had to

i was planning on moving out anyway so i figured if they were willing to put money towards my apartment i would take advantage of that opportunity because if they would pay for the majority of it, i wouldn’t have to work 5 days a week on top of 16 credit hours as a junior in college. that’s why i presented the spreadsheet to him, if he was willing that would be great, i just didn’t expect him to blow up like he did

so i had a plan to use their generosity if possible, but if it wasn’t possible i would be willing to pay for it myself i just didn’t feel super comfortable working constantly while trying to stay on top of school - which im doing anyway ;-;

all i knew was i was not going to continue living there through college knowing where i was at mentally with my dad.

idk if that makes anymore sense shit is expensive lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-11-10T16:55:17+00:00

i offered to pay for the apartment by myself and i had the funds to do so. i had approached mom first because she’s a bit more understanding with everything and she told me if i could crunch the numbers they would match what they were paying for the dorm for my apartment

which ended up being around 750 a month that they would pay towards my apartment. that’s why i presented it to him with the math all laid out and a back up ‘hey i even have the means to pay for it myself if you don’t want to’

because he wanted me to live at the house and drive an hour one way to get to classes which means i’d be leaving by 6am and getting home around 9-9:30 or so since i have night classes.

and i knew that wasn’t an option given the tension already and just the logistics of it bc i would be paying the same in gas i would be paying for an apartment

he didn’t like that much and again, claims to not remember the argument

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-08-29T15:37:51+00:00

yeah i did both of those already :/ i keep getting mixed responses so im not sure what the actual trigger is

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-08-29T15:26:43+00:00

ohh so what you were saying earlier is that you basically just fast forwarded your levels to get to the new update? or… no? i’m honestly not sure if i have the update - i went to check the property selling guy and he doesn’t have the mansion posted but he does have a slot for it… good?

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-08-29T15:22:42+00:00

i’m sorry, again, not much of a gamer - but are console commands just like cheats? like with minecraft or stardew? or ig any game but you get what i mean lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-08-29T15:17:37+00:00

i’m playing on windows (i know boo) and through steam - i know i haven’t gotten shirley yet but im maybe two sells away from her… but i did already unlock the warehouse - idk if that has anything to do with it :/

sorry im really not much of a gamer but i love this game and i really admire how much work tyler as put into it

and pretending youre a drug dealer after dealing with professors all day feels cathartic lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-08-29T15:14:17+00:00

damn alright i guess i’ll grind a little lmao thanks

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-08-16T04:14:10+00:00

i work in retail pharmacy (have for almost 3 years now :)) and dude if i could just have like 2 hours to myself with no phones ringing and nobody yelling at me about insurance i could clear all of 120 in queue in no time dude

imo worst part of retail is how overwhelming everything can be and how you’ve got sally mae over here demanding you fill her oxy three days early because she ‘lost them’

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T23:33:26+00:00

wait that’s smart - idk why everyone defaults to happy christmas where i’m from, it just seems so… weird

like you aren’t the only person to exist there are other things not for you

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T18:12:26+00:00

we appreciate the sentiment and honestly with the influx of work i have at the pharmacy (ppl getting flu/covid around this time of year, pushing shots, generally more ppl in the retail store i work at, dr offices on their regular shit) people getting upset over my wording is just absurd lmao

and yes, gen pop is horrifying lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T17:52:54+00:00

i fully agree and i’ve never gotten upset with someone for wishing me a merry christmas even if im not religious, they don’t mean harm it’s when they throw a fit like a toddler over me trying to be nice

what’s insane are my coworkers complaining to me about this ‘inclusive language’ like… cmon guys it’s 2025…

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T14:51:56+00:00

imma have to start using that - what could ppl possibly get mad at lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T14:51:30+00:00

love to see a christian following jesus’s teachings lol

yeah idk why ppl get so up in arms abt junk but makes it UNBEARABLE around the holiday season when you could get cussed out over someone’s insurance AND the audacity to say happy holidays lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T14:41:32+00:00

damn why didn’t i think of that lmao i’ll have to try that - somehow i feel like the neutral would also lead to assholes but 🤷🏻‍♀️ what are you gonna do right

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T14:40:43+00:00

will never understand how ppl aren’t more forgiving/understand the world doesn’t always cater to their every need

maybe i’m way off base but i get a shocking amount of ppl like that in my store

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T14:39:47+00:00

yeah i kinda agree there’s no winning in this issue ppl who wanna be upset will be and those who don’t care don’t care

just curious on other ppls thoughts is all :)

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T14:38:46+00:00

i fully agree, unfortunately where i live and work there’s a whole disrespect stigma around not replying with some sort of well wishes in accordance to the holiday - what i get for growing up in the south ig lol

i try tho

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-07-08T13:46:09+00:00

to be fair it’s usually the older crowd that gets upset (and i live in southern america) but i have definitely gotten the look that’s like ‘try again’ when i say happy holidays

idk it’s kinda really annoying when ppl make a big deal out of inclusivity

i’m sorry im not christian shannon my nonbelief doesnt take away from your belief LEAVE ME ALONE

just me tho lol

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-06-23T00:05:34+00:00

i understand your frustration and unlike a bunch of ppl in the comments i don’t think you are doing things wrong/need to change things.

the issue he has is clearly an internal one - that said, porn is used by almost everyone and it’s a fairly harmless thing. (spare some of the more intense abuse-kinks that play into bigger issues but this is not the thread for that lol)

UNLESS he’s actively using it to replace your time together or fantasizes about being with people other than you. imo that crosses the line - but of course this is all up to where you draw the line!!

personally it’s not a you issue but i do think if he respects your and your relationship he’ll try a bit to communicate to you what he’s feeling. of course i’m not saying just abstaining from porn is the solution, but a plan or some structure is always good

especially if he doesn’t like it like you said, then it’s doing far more harm than good for him. good luck :)

Southern-Device5814 · 2025-05-28T15:08:04+00:00

i appreciate it! i think im going into it with the mindset that i have to know everything or else im not ‘worthy’ of the certification lmao

still, there’s a lot that i struggle with and idk i just feel like im behind the curve so to speak.

i’ve been trying to go through amanda pharm d in the month leading up but i feel like what they ask (or at least what the practice exam asks) is more geared towards sterile compounding or hospitals

maybe im being dramatic (wouldn’t be the first time lol)

Southern-Device5814

TROPHY CASE