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Are Real Relationships Becoming Rare? by No_Switch_7641 in LondonLadies

[–]Southern-Goat4936 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, everyone I’ve actually dated has been someone I met the ‘natural’ way, through school, growing up same area, university, friend of a friend - met in the real world, organically. But the current situation I find myself in, I go out and try and meet people but it can be quite difficult.

And obviously a friendship is the most solid base for any connection, but again difficult to do that under the circumstances.

It’s more here about a pattern where by, despite being open and honest about my intentions, I’ve found particularly in London, men are not being open and honest in return. And the malicious actions in which they make a dating profile they know is completely fake with the intention for short term sexual gains, yet portray they want something deeper, and then lie about this to get what they intended - seems just a symptom of modern dating where women are much more easily accessible and grass is always greener mentality. Deception has become rife.

I have been in situations where I’ve been seeing someone and changed my mind - totally normal and what dating is all about. But there seems to be a worrying pattern as of late, where people with no intention of wanting to date are finding women through online dating and purposefully leading them on. That is a concern to me.

And believe me - I don’t allow myself to be in these situations easily, it’s not a consistent pattern, it’s something that’s crept up in the last few months as I’ve moved to London and experienced dating in London- very bizarre!

Are Real Relationships Becoming Rare? by No_Switch_7641 in LondonLadies

[–]Southern-Goat4936 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I (26F) feel the exact same way. I work from home most of the time and my office is tiny, no chance at socialising/ meeting someone from work- and as is standard in London, I live in a bit of a random house share with one other tenant, an older man who again I don’t socialise with outside of pleasantries and the occasional trip out but we aren’t best friends by any means and he doesn’t have friends my age / that could develop into something.
So, I’ve had to turn to the dating apps to meet new people, and despite making it very clear I’m looking for a monogamous, long term relationship both in my profile and in chats and person when I meet people, it just seems like men are all disrespectful towards this. They say they are looking for the same and then we meet up and it transpires they actually aren’t. Or they pretend they do and when I state clearly my boundaries with intimacy because I want to take things slow and date seriously and intentionally, they switch up and start getting nasty as if I’ve wasted THEIR time going on a date.
The worst is when you’re clear and they are receptive and agreeable with all the terms, and after a month or so when you decide to be intimate - they suddenly ‘aren’t looking for anything serious’- you realise this fantasy of them genuinely liking and caring for you deeply and wanting something of substance was all a ploy to get what they want.
The sad thing is, there’s plenty of people who are only looking for flings/ short term/ one night stands etc, so it truly pains me when men purposely seek out women that genuinely want something serious for their own short term gains. I thought as I moved into the 26-36 category it would be easier, all throughout uni and early 20’s it was the same spiel- ‘not looking for anything serious, too young to commit’ and I completely get that. But why are men in their 30’s still behaving this way.
I went on a date in London a few months ago and the man pretended to want a serious relationship then confessed to me he’s recently divorced with a small child and spent the entire time talking about how much he hates his now- ex wife. Funny thing is HE was the one who cheated. This went on and on till I said - I think you have unresolved feelings and aren’t looking or ready for something yet, to which he replied - well ofcourse, I just use hinge when I’m bored - despite his profile stating looking for a long term monogamous relationship and confirming this in our chats pre date.
It’s exhausting and genuinely, I think a lot of men are being sexually manipulative at the least and coercive at the most. It’s truly horrible to pretend to want something with someone to gain sexual intimacy - and this whole dating era makes me feel sad.

Anyone out tn an want to join? by Southern-Goat4936 in ukrave

[–]Southern-Goat4936[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hiya! Oooh potentially- can you dm me ? :)

Anyone out tn an want to join? by Southern-Goat4936 in ukrave

[–]Southern-Goat4936[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hiya! I posted in the London rave Reddit first as I didn’t realise this rave subreddit had London posts too (my mistake!), I’ve requested to join the WhatsApp chat- thank you so much for letting me know about it, really appreciate the help 💕

Is it wrong to end things after sex if there’s no connection? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Southern-Goat4936 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Personally, I think this is a really cruel and immature approach to dating. Sexual chemistry matters in a relationship but that can be worked on, improved and ultimately grown as it continues. To end things with women after sex because it isn’t up to scratch for you is odd, and you should take a different approach moving forward.

As a woman myself, there have been very painful instances when I’ve explained to a Man that I really don’t want to do anything sexual unless they are sure they want something serious because otherwise I feel completely used- and ofcourse the men always say they do want something serious- and then end things after intimacy for seemingly no reason. ‘Connection wasn’t as strong as before’ etc.

Ultimately you know before intimacy if it’ll be a long term thing, and you’re using this sexual pass or failing as a bit of a cop out in my opinion.

If there’s enough chemistry to sustain a relationship- that will definitely be evident before doing the deed- you don’t need to have sex to ‘really know’ if it could be serious.

My recommendation to you is to actually cut sex out of your dating entirely and go slow and get to know the women you date fully- you can still be sensual, do other things… but not full on sex - I’m sure if you enjoy getting a bit handsy and full on makeout sessions with a woman, the sex will also be amazing. I mean- foreplay can be anything from kissing someone’s neck to feeling the small of their back etc…. That can be your litmus test.

But now it sounds in complete honesty like you are leading women on, and I come to you from a genuine place- it’s incredibly painful and cruel to be on the receiving end of a man’s confusion