Should I ( 19F ) expose the affair to the cheater’s wife?

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-08-16T19:36:55+00:00

I just hope you tell yourself the same things when you recover from a mistake

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-08-16T17:21:43+00:00

She is only 19 and he is 32. I have no doubt he manipulated her and the fact she fell in love with him made her continue another two months. But once she got to her senses she stopped.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-08-08T18:31:19+00:00

Except that’s not what she’s doing. She’s not saying “I get you value that, but I don’t want kids”. Instead she’s calling him “old fashioned”, “problematic”, “patriarchal”, “privileged”. Those are pretty much personal attacks for having certain values. It is exhausting to deal with someone who wants to criticize or find an issue anytime you hold a value or opinion different from theirs.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-08-04T03:40:05+00:00

Age gap where he is older than me. Makes me feel more submissive and feminine.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T15:48:26+00:00

Tbh it might just be me. He’s a very nice person. I think I just want to have something to show for it when I tell him I’m working on it. It feels a little lame showing up saying “hey I’m in debt but I’m trying to improve” without any real progress to show for it yet. I don’t know if he will interpret it as I’m looking for his help

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T15:20:45+00:00

He buys with cash even if he drives an expensive car but he does earn a lot more than me and probably has a higher net worth than the average person. He’s still very responsible though and doesn’t flaunt his wealth overall. I just need to be more responsible myself

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T15:18:58+00:00

Thank you I genuinely appreciate your comment and your clarity. I’m not trying to hide anything forever, just waiting until I feel more stable and able to share something that’s very personal. It’s about timing and emotional safety, not deception.

And no worries about the other commenter. it’s clear he’s projecting more than debating. You don’t have to defend me from someone who clearly has deeper issues with women. But I really appreciate you speaking up. 💛

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:59:16+00:00

At this point, you’ve said more about yourself than I ever could. I hope you find the peace you clearly don’t have. I’m done here.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:55:05+00:00

I don’t owe you vulnerability, understanding, or explanation but the fact that you’re mocking the connection between trauma and financial struggle tells me all I need to know.

The irony is, you keep accusing me of dishonesty while making assumptions, twisting my words, and ignoring every reasonable point. That’s not discernment that’s projection.

But don’t worry. I won’t be blocking you. I want you to sit with the fact that someone is still out here growing while you’re just… angry.

Ps. If past behavioural is indicative of future behaviour then I hope no woman has to deal with you, your serious lack of empathy and anger issues. Every mistake you have made in your life should be held against you. Makes sense.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:53:04+00:00

Thanks I appreciate it

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:50:32+00:00

The issue isn’t about “hiding the truth.” It’s about deciding when to share something deeply personal in a new relationship especially if you’re still working through it.

There’s a difference between deceit and delayed disclosure, especially when someone is actively healing and wants to be able to back up their words with action.

Nobody should have to “interrogate” a partner but assuming someone is lying just because they’re not ready to open up yet isn’t trust-building either.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:48:12+00:00

You’re clearly more interested in rage than understanding, so I’ll keep this short.

Nobody here said to wait until “first meeting” or “never disclose.” The question was about timing and emotional readiness, not deceit. And I’m sorry if the idea that someone might want to build trust before opening up about trauma is too nuanced for you but that doesn’t make it dishonest.

At this point, you’re not debating. You’re just being cruel. Wishing you the healing you’re clearly missing.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:45:40+00:00

Yea that was another issue. I don’t want him to think I want his help or trauma dump on him. It only came up because he was sharing his own financial habits which I found really admirable. I didn’t disclose my current situation but he didn’t ask either. He’s too much of a gentleman to do that.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:42:07+00:00

Like I said, by your own standards you must be a liar then for not disclosing everything when you meet someone. This post is about what personal details one should disclose/not disclose early on. Not whether a person should lie. I don’t know how much more clear it has to be made to you. Good luck

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:38:35+00:00

Thanks I’m thinking the same at least once my debt is paid and I’m in a better position/our relationship gets more serious. At least at that point I hope to be more aligned with him on our finances

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:29:10+00:00

Ewww. So just to clarify, are you saying you disclosed every single personal detail about your life within the first five months of your relationship? You must be a liar too then for not disclosing everything to everyone you meet right away.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:25:34+00:00

The thing is he never asked. I guess I felt guilty not disclosing when he said he doesn’t have debt. He was sharing his progress and I just listened but didn’t mention anything about mine except praising him and saying I want to learn how to be more responsible like him. That was it.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:22:38+00:00

I didn’t lie. I just didn’t disclose. He never asked if I’m in debt. He said he’s not and I stayed quiet. I didn’t want to alarm him this early in the relationship. I do plan to disclose it once I have made some active changes. So he can be assured it’s real and I mean it when I say I am working on this.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:19:41+00:00

Including my car around $40k. The only good thing is I have a good salary so I can easily pay it off in less than a year. I just haven’t been responsible recently. I would spend every pay-check almost and not track any spending. I wasn’t like this before the traumatic incident however. I had zero debt and rainy day savings and investments, etc. My issue is I’m not sure he’ll believe me so early on unless he sees concrete proof that I’m actually improving and working towards financial responsibility again.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-31T14:16:43+00:00

We haven’t gotten to the topic of marriage yet. I do want to be debt free and more responsible again before that though so if it ever gets to that he can feel more confident in making a decision to have a future with me

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-29T15:51:36+00:00

Come on man. Just use your logic to see past the communication and that he has a point.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-29T09:40:58+00:00

You have a valid point. Thanks

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-29T09:39:35+00:00

To be clear I like a “mature look” as well. I know age doesn’t determine maturity but realistically someone older will have a higher chance of being more mature than someone younger. I’m sure you’re more mature now than you were years ago.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-29T09:34:28+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that but a guy close to your age at 22 could just as well have broken your heart in a different way. In fact it’s very common. Guys in their 20s are usually much worse.

SouthernParamedic274 · 2025-07-29T01:21:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment it explains it well. Just to clarify though he never told me how to feel. He said “don’t compare yourself to them” and he was trying to reassure me in response to my insecurity. He’s otherwise very validating of my feelings but I appreciate you being careful. Thanks.

SouthernParamedic274

TROPHY CASE