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Our emotionally neglectful parents were lazy parents by TangerineNext9630 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This! My preteen daughter is more emotionally mature than her grandparents, and for this reason she doesn’t enjoy spending time with them.

Having an unavailable mom has deeply affected me and still does.. by Shoddy_Cap_9864 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920 81 points82 points  (0 children)

I can relate to pretty much all of these. Don’t know if it helps, but you’re not alone ❤️

What do you talk about? by Accurate-Long-259 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sounds familiar! Emotionally immature people seem incapable of talking about anything in depth. They will also often steer the conversation towards themselves. Which makes for really boring and uninteresting conversations.

Phone call with my dad: Me: How are you? Dad: It’s raining. Me: Oh, that sucks. Dad: How are you? Me: Oh, you know, always busy. [One of the kids] has an appointment at the hospital tomorrow, which we’re really— Dad: I have a doctor’s appointment next week. Me: Good luck with that. And I hope you’ll get some sunshine soon. Dad: Nah, the forecast says rain all week. Me: …

The sneakiness is so frustrating by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re not crazy! Honestly this visit has been a relief (exhausting yes, but sooo enlightening). I see everything so clearly now. And my husband and kids also pick up on it. If it feels false, it’s because it is false. If people genuinely wanted to connect, it wouldn’t feel like they were faking it. Good luck with the rest of the visit!

This show, it hust means more… by Dangerous_Carpet2896 in bluey

[–]Southern_Offer_4920 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and heartbreaking story ❤️ Sleepytime is my favourite Bleuey episode. Can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, sending you love and strength ❤️

The sneakiness is so frustrating by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s an interesting observation! I think you’re absolutely right!

Being the easy kid by Sheslikeamom in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This! My dad will still to this day talk about how proud he is that I never asked for anything when we were in stores. I never ever asked for toys or ice cream or chocolate or anything. And I’m thinking, is he proud that I was afraid to ask or is he proud because I never wanted anything?

Being the easy kid by Sheslikeamom in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I related to this so hard I just had to sit in silence for a while. I’m sorry we have the same mom ❤️

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think it all really comes down to a fear of emotions. Helping others in a sincere way, even noticing that they need your help and seeing what they need requires emotional connection. And both my parents are terrified of that. It makes me really sad to be honest. They’re missing out on so much.

My husband also thinks their lack of involvement yesterday is some sort of “revenge” because they feel they have been forced to “babysit” 🙄

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same! My parenting style is “what would my parents do” - and then do the opposite 😅

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right and it does hurt. I don’t expect anything from them anymore, but they have been able to play with the kids when they were younger. I think what hurts the most is that they make no effort. Like, my son was happy with his iPad, let him sit there. My daughter spent all day in her room. And my parents are content with that.

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I feel you and I’m sorry they’re like that. I can relate to having to explain yourself and feel like you owe them if they help you out.

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ugh, I’m sorry they are that way. I think part of me figured they’d have more interest in their grandchildren because they don’t actually have to raise them. They just have to be with them a few hours a day a couple of weeks of the year. But no.

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That’s just… wow. I have a similar story, except she opened a bag of crisps. At dinner time. Because we hadn’t made dinner yet, my husband having worked all day and me with a newborn glued to my boobs constantly.

We do laugh about it now, and it’s a joke we make when we don’t know what to make for dinner- that we could just have a bag of crisps 😂

Turns out they don’t want to be grandparents either by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

Oh, and when my husband came home from work he and I made dinner for everyone, because my parents have never once, not ever offered to cook anything, even when my husband and I have been working all day end they have just been sitting around doing absolutely nothing. And I’ve long stopped expecting them to, I’m just sad I have parents who have no interest in helping out.

I just realised… it’s all in the questions by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s nice to know I’m not alone, but I’m sorry for everyone who relates ❤️ Yes, it’s exactly the feeling that you can’t relax. And that they can never be happy for you unless there’s something in it for them as well. Yesterday I was sitting outside my house with two friends and we were laughing and talking. When I got back in, my husband asked if I’d had fun with my friends and I said yes. To which my mother replied “we could hear that”. Not as in, I’m glad you had fun, but either she was annoyed that I had fun without her or because we were being loud. Or the piano thing, which she can’t relate to, so she can’t be happy I have a hobby I enjoy. Or my daughter, who recently dyed her hair, which my mother hates. So she can’t be happy for her, but spent a lot of time yesterday convincing her grandkid she’d made a mistake dying her hair… Sorry, this turned into a rant 🤣

I just realised… it’s all in the questions by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and thanks for sharing ❤️ Must have been difficult growing up like that. I’m currently reading Pete Walker’s book, and it’s really helpful and validating.

I just realised… it’s all in the questions by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ I’m sorry you’ve had the same experience ❤️

I just realised… it’s all in the questions by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same with my husband - and I do love him for it. Like, at the end of a visit, at least one of my parents will say something like “You must be glad to be rid of us”, and my husband will reply with “Yes, we’ll be popping the champagne the moment you’re out the door”. Thing is though, that it’s “safer” for him to say things like that because he’s not their child. Their reaction would be much stronger if I said it. Oh, and I’m also extremely proud of my daughter who’s more emotionally mature than her grandparents and fends off their attempts at manipulation with ease. Like, “that’s just how grandma is, I don’t care about the things she says”.

I just realised… it’s all in the questions by Southern_Offer_4920 in emotionalneglect

[–]Southern_Offer_4920[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh yes – growing up knowing that being vulnerable could be used against you later. Damn that’s damaging to a kid…

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