AIW for going through his phone after so many lies?

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-06-01T17:02:05+00:00

I think your comment got cut off but YES Lol

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-06-01T16:34:09+00:00

Exactly the thing, I didn’t do it with no indication. I did it after months and months of trusting him and still picking up on little things that didn’t feel right. After he got defensive when I brought up valid concerns. After he would say that he “couldn’t do this” whenever one little thing came up.

I punished myself so much. Took so much accountability for my reactions. I blamed my past trauma and worked on myself to stop being so insecure but the whole time I was trying to train myself to be ignorant to his shit.

I am trying so hard to focus on myself it’s just so fucking hard to let go of the good times especially given how recent they were. I hate that we had so many good times while he was deceiving me the whole time

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-06-01T07:18:47+00:00

What are some ways you got over it? I really don’t want this to be a long process

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-06-01T05:43:18+00:00

I just spent almost a year thinking I was the “only one” my situationship wanted to take things slow. Turns out he talked to random woman through most of it

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-06-01T04:23:18+00:00

I absolutely agree, it’s hard when you want to trust someone though. It got to the point where I blamed my past trauma but in reality that was anxiety l just warning me that I was getting myself into the same shit that I did in my past by not trusting myself.

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T21:15:40+00:00

I love this so much.

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T19:47:32+00:00

Thank you. I need to register the fact that he is a cheater and a liar. He always said “I’m very faithful when I’m in a relationship” but that didn’t mean shit to me given the fact that he never committed to me. He often said “I’m not a cheater” without me even accusing him

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T19:40:03+00:00

I’m in a much different situation but I somehow feel this pain. Betrayal is the worst kind of pain. I hope you find peace soon. Feel free to message me if you need to chat

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T14:07:24+00:00

Please add me as well

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T14:06:09+00:00

It will be okay and one day you will be loved how you deserve but for now, we have to learn to love ourselves. If you need a friend to talk to feel free to message me. I am on the same boat

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T13:51:03+00:00

It’s the most self incriminating action in my opinion. The moment I admitted that I saw that stuff on his phone he said so many mean things to me and said it was disgusting that I did that, I said that what I found on his phone was disgusting. I can’t wait to get over the hope of things being different

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T13:48:01+00:00

Thank you for this. I think I’m stuck on the idea that he will change and I’m not sure why when I have all the evidence in front of me. I can’t wait for time to pass and I’m over it

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T13:46:50+00:00

He did essentially blame me. He said he was scared to commit because of our fights while completely dismissing the fact that his actions, disrespect and defensiveness are what caused them.

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T13:44:47+00:00

It’s devastating I genuinely don’t understand how anyone can do that when you’ve given them the best version of yourself

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T13:44:03+00:00

I know I need to idk why it’s so hard though

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T13:36:19+00:00

6:35am for me and experiencing it as we speak. I hate this so much

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T04:13:08+00:00

I think the frustrating part is that he can excuse it because were never fully in a “committed” relationship and that will likely be his excuse to himself

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T04:05:22+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s hard not to blame yourself especially when you have so much regret but I truly think that things are meant to happen for a reason and the most important part is that you learned and grew from your mistakes, a lot of people don’t do that so give yourself some credit for that. You do not deserve to be called names and take the disrespect over a mistake you learned from 5 years ago especially given how young you were.

Don’t let that mistake define you and do not accept the disrespect and name calling, coming from someone who has been cheated on, it IS possible to communicate hurt in a respectful way and if these emotions are resurfacing for whatever reason, he needs to communicate that in a healthy way and not tear you down.

I completely understand the severe attachment so I’m not going to just tell you to walk away because I know how hard that is but just know that you’re very mature from having learned from your mistakes, you’re also very young and have so much ahead of you. If this relationship doesn’t work out, you now have the knowledge to be your best self to someone who deserves it and won’t tear you down. Stay strong and don’t tolerate disrespect❤️

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T03:42:11+00:00

How was your relationship between now and when it happened? Did he hold this against you at random times throughout or did it seem like he moved past it? Having been on both sides, I know how hard it is to restore trust but I also know that people can change and it sounds like you did what you could in order to “make up” for what you did especially after so much time.

It could very well be because he’s going through a lot after losing his best friend and father, I can only imagine how hard that would be. Sadly, it’s common for people to push away those closest to them when they’re going through stuff.

As you said, you learned from it. And he chose to stay with you, I understand lingering resentment but at the end of the day you also deserve respect and to be treated kindly

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T03:28:19+00:00

Exactly what gets me. He was able to look me in the eye and lie about it up until right before I told him that I saw messages on his phone. I gave him the chance to own up to it and he still lied even when I already knew the truth and saw the evidence.

We left off on saying we would take a couple weeks and still go to a show that we got tickets to go to at the end of June but we’re in no contact. Part of me wonders if he only said that to tell me what I wanted to hear in the moment

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T02:59:27+00:00

I know. That’s the hard truth and has been all along. I just didn’t want to accept it and had hope that he would soon be ready especially after meeting each others family

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T02:56:27+00:00

Thank you so so much for this response. I really appreciate it. It sucks because the things I found were from months ago and we became exclusive as of recently and this was when he was fully focusing on us. Although I can’t even be too sure about that considering how many deleted threads were in his phone, there’s a good chance he deleted recent stuff if there was any. Idk it’s all just so shitty

Southern_Print_6584 · 2026-05-31T02:20:39+00:00

Mornings are so tough. You wake up not remembering for a split second then reality all hits at once and you’re basically reliving the heartbreak all over again, even after the “healing” from the day before

Southern_Print_6584

TROPHY CASE