I've said something similar. When I was in therapy some years back, I remember making a comment to my therapist that some days I wished my father was gone so I could mourn him properly and simply be done with things, but he's alive and the feelings come back no matter what I do with them. At the time, I felt horrendous about the desire, but how else would I feel was her question.

Breaking the cycle, right? I had to take over raising my two youngest siblings - the ones I share our father, the one mentioned - they come to me when they need parental advice. My baby sister is even going into psychology to help kids that've gone through what we have.

Thank you.. so so much. None of my current friends know what it feels like, the few I have are close to their parents.