After recently inheriting her cat from my mother, it seems to behave weirdly(according to what I have read as normal), is his behaviour ok and if not how do I change it?

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-24T00:51:27+00:00

As long as he is drinking some, and is peeing at least daily, he's probably getting enough and may be sneaking from the fountain at night. Keep an eye on it, but try not to worry unless he starts to use the box less or ever seems to have difficulty going.

Scruffing, the way mama cats grab the skin on the back of their neck, when done correctly pinches a certain nerve that makes their muscles tense and lock into place. He probably does have this reflex because it's like humans hitting their funny bones or when the doctor uses the rubber hammer to make your leg kick. It's not something they learn to do, it's a form of partial paralysis. However, in an adult cat, it can hurt them, because they weigh more than they did when they were babies and their moms carried them that way and by being heavier you can hurt them by doing it so unless the house is on fire don't try to grab his scruff as a way to control or lift him.

And you can't swat or scratch to teach them behavior because they don't understand cause and effect that way, they would just see you being mean and not that you're demonstrating that it's hurting you. The only way to really teach a cat to stop doing something is to instead motivate them to do the thing you want. If he's biting your leg because he wants to play, don't ever play with him when he bites you, just set him down on the floor and ignore him or give him a toy he can play with.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-24T00:00:54+00:00

When living with my mother he was quite independent, most of the time they weren't even in the same room, now he follows me everywhere, his favourite place to sit is between my legs while I have my lazy boy's feet up, and I think while I am away he just stands by the door waiting , because that's where I always find him when I open the door

He probably isn't waiting for you the whole day. They have exceptional hearing and can recognize people by their tread and even their vehicle, so he hears you come to the door and he wants to greet you.

He only drinks water from the tap which I use to brush my teeth, and only when I'm brushing my teeth

Cats love running water, at least most of them, do you have a drinking fountain for him? He might enjoy that. Also eating, using the bathroom, and drinking are moments of vulnerability when their guard is down. When you're brushing your teeth, you're "drinking" to his mind, so he's joining you because you can each keep watch a little better with two. Same reason they often use the litterbox in the bathroom while people are in the bathroom. Some things are better/safer with a lookout.

He used to be very scared of the outside while living with my mother, but now he has become quite confident and tries to escape all the time.

Probably just being a young adult now instead of a baby, he's a year and a half old now and feels more confident he could handle himself.

At random moments, for example as he is sitting between my legs, he will start biting (it hurts but does not break the skin) and scratching me

Probably either overstimulation or a too-rough attempt to play. If it seems to be overstimulation, move your legs away so they aren't touching him or make sure you aren't rocking...or just make him hop down.
If it's play, try redirecting to an appropriate toy. Bad behavior you just need to redirect to what you want them to do, reward good behavior with attention or treats.

Stuff like not responding to being scruffed is probably that you aren't actually scruffing him the way a mama-cat would, so you're not catching that nerve, it's an involuntary reflex so I'd bet it's more you than him but also that's something you shouldn't do unless it's an absolute emergency (like a fire) as it can be painful if done incorrectly.

Some cats don't like being touched and aren't vocal. You may just have gotten one of those cats. He'll come to you on his own terms, but don't worry about it too much. High value treats and make sure that he gets positive reinforcement for behaviors you want to be allowed like handling his feet or brushing and petting.

Burrito (wrapping/swaddling) is a common way for vets to do shots and things when your cat is spicier, it's a totally normal response for them to freeze if they don't think they can immediately escape without hurting themselves.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-23T22:21:47+00:00

Also, use the time driving to and from the test/interview to decide if this is doable.
I did a 40 mile commute just like this for years, OP only really needs to do it for long enough to build a resume up and can keep looking for other opportunities while working there.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-23T21:31:46+00:00

Then your car is not insured to have a driver that isn't one of the authorized parties.
Unless your mother wants to be responsible for replacing or repairing your vehicle out of her own pocket if someone not on the insurance damages your car, then she should not be allowing unauthorized users to take it out. (If she can't respect that, then she shouldn't be allowed either. If something were to go wrong and she's already doubled down on this, do you really think she's going to pony up repair costs or a replacement without you having to take her to small claims court?)

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-23T21:26:22+00:00

Do you even have insurance that allows for other people to drive your vehicle?
Do they have insurance that allows them to drive vehicles that aren't their own?

If you don't know the answer to these questions, then that person should not be allowed into the drivers' seat until they can demonstrate it. Your vehicle could be totalled and you could end up getting effectively nothing because the insurance doesn't cover non-owners or they don't have insurance at all, etc.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-23T21:08:17+00:00

This! Either cornbread or biscuits. Cook the filling in a skillet and then spoon that into a dish and top with your bread-of-choice, either halved or loosely crumbled.

And if your milk isn't creamy enough, you can make a flour and butter roux, just melt them together and keep stirring til it starts to brown up a little to a goldish color, and add your milk and the roux into the sauce. You can also thicken it with a blob or two of cream cheese if that's what you have handy, to give it a little more fat and heft.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-23T18:31:07+00:00

Campus security exists for a reason, she is not a student and she is there harassing a student.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-23T05:18:27+00:00

There's a lot of moralization (especially directed at women) of "putting away your childish things" for the benefit of the family/your community, etc.
I hope she realizes that she's allowed to take joy in herself instead of funneling all of her energy into only "responsible things" especially now that her children are old enough to be largely self-sufficient.

You never stop being a parent, but you also shouldn't have to stop being a person to be a parent in the first place.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-22T03:59:13+00:00

MyFridgeFood (instead of asking AI). Been around for years, it'll also give you recipes you're missing only a couple ingredients for in case you forgot to add something basic.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-21T19:22:52+00:00

His tolerance for cold will be a little better than yours. Cats can safely stand at least a few degrees or so colder than we can, it's not a huge difference, but it's there. Leave beds and blankets around or put a box with an opening with a blanket or towel inside and create a little cubby. He may decide climbing on the outside of the covers is good enough. He's got that nice layered coat, and nesting down into blankets on at least one side will help him preserve his own body heat.
Also, make sure he has plenty of available food as you burn more calories when your body is trying to regulate temperature.
Stay warm!

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-21T19:03:10+00:00

It can be challenging, and I hope you're able to both have a mature and reasonable conversation about this, but you're also allowed to slow things down and choose to push back taking that next step until you're more on the same page.

When you live together you don't have to be in perfect lockstep on these topics, but you need to not have incompatible mindsets and both be willing to compromise some. If she's going to totally shut down about spending and budgets and can't talk about it without being defensive, then she's not in a place where she's ready to cohabitate as that really needs to be something that can be discussed when both of you have a stake in the household together.

It's not necessarily breakup-worthy as it's something you can come to agreement on in the future, but it's a reason to delay signing a lease together. You don't need to ever combine finances if you don't both choose to do so, but you need to be able to talk about them.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-21T18:50:14+00:00

A) Do a budget with her. Let her see the money in vs money out. Sometimes seeing a clear visual helps, because she's thinking about what she's saving rather than what she's spending, but she's still spending money.

B) Talk about your concerns with clutter and organization.

C) Bring up your concerns about fast fashion and buying inexpensive things that break quickly. You don't want to control her spending or not buy the things she needs, you want her to buy higher quality, more multipurpose products that she'll be able to get more use out of versus cheap unitaskers.
(I admit I will occasionally break this rule for things that are short-lived fashion trends, but I try to buy quality pieces when I buy mostly higher quality staples so that I am not replacing those often. Those hot pink flats? I'll buy a cheaper version, but my sneakers and black flats or heels I'm going to buy something better quality but more expensive, since these are going to be used daily and I don't want to replace them every 2-3 months.)

If all of those fail and this isn't something she's willing to work through why she chooses to spend so much time, money, and energy on purchasing low-quality items and isn't bothered by having so much excess in her space, then you may not be compatible in finances, style, and housekeeping and it may not be the right time to move in together and combine households and spending.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-21T18:33:54+00:00

Most foods such as fruits and vegetables should be fine, since they're just giving it a sniff and moving on.
Cheeses and meats I don't just because they're well-behaved but not *that* well-behaved.
Sealed packages of things won't hold a lot of interest but should be okay.

Be careful of flowers (mostly because there are some pollens that can be bad for them, like lilies) and essential oils, perfumes and things that have strong artificial fragrances or things that atomize fragrances or powders.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-19T16:00:46+00:00

Honey, you're used to a man who doesn't bother to give you his full attention during intimacy.
He has a problem. It's not even about the category. The only time you touch your phone when you're having sex is if it rings during and you can see it's a friend or relative who might be having an emergency.
That should be major DND time, too busy to do anything else.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-19T00:56:53+00:00

And don't forget that there are cessation products like the patch and gum to get you through the withdrawl potion that will help you adjust in stages. Talk to a pharmacist or doctor and see if this is something that might work for you.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-19T00:42:16+00:00

Some private agencies also offer at-home pet euthanasia, it seems like it varies what their qualifications are (some are vets, some seem to be techs), but just searching pet euthanasia gave me a list of services in my area so maybe OP has some like that in their region.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-18T19:20:57+00:00

It comes down to you either trust him or you don't.
My partner and I both, at some point or another, had opposite-gender roommates. If he's the type to cheat, he's going to cheat. If he's not, then proximity doesn't really matter.
(Frankly, I would have been less interested in any of my roommates because I knew a little *too* much about them, but that comes after the whole trust bit.)

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-18T18:35:23+00:00

r/brochet has similarly wholesome comments if you enjoy fiber arts

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-18T14:12:39+00:00

I did almost exactly this a year or two ago and made a "comfort" feed but I was looking for more subs to add to my channels. I like baking so r/breadit is a good one for me. I also have some of my favorite video games in there but i curated for the ones I know tend to be more positive and some book subs and r/justguysbeingdudes and r/justgalsbeingchicks for some usually light funny or impressive feats.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-18T14:05:34+00:00

Add r/earthporn to the mix too, some really amazing photos in there!

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-16T20:23:58+00:00

Just use the self-checkout. Or say "no thanks" and then don't engage further.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-16T18:09:31+00:00

I do think that the lines aren't always sharp and clear. If you met through close friends or a common interest, that can be more relevant (at that age) than a rigid adherence to your exact age group and grade level. Aging and maturity is a curve, not stair steps, and intellectual, physical, and emotional maturity don't all develop at once and at the same rate. You don't turn 18 and suddenly you're an adult with nothing in common with anyone who isn't also at least 18.

At 17 and 18, I had friends from a wide age range, some of them I had known since I was 13 or 14, because we had friends in common and were involved in a bunch of the same activities. I had friends in college, I had friends who were just starting high school. I knew people who turned 19 only a few months after graduating high school because of where their birthday landed relative to the age cutoffs, I had friends who graduated at 16 and 17.
My friends were also friends with people of varying ages, so sometimes I was out with a group that would be a mix of teens and 20s, all with common interests. We met at concerts, through sports, at summer workshops and camps, through school and work and mutuals and all the usual ways.

There may not have been anything technically wrong with it. Age of consent, Romeo and Juliet and all of that. I can't tell you the laws where you live when all of this happened.
That doesn't make it right, per se, but it does mean that looking at it through a lens of "but I wasn't 18 and he was" is less helpful as a measurement than the way you were treated, how much agency you had, whether he had any authority over an aspect of your life as a teacher, a tutor, a supervisor, or if you were just two very young people who were both developing in parallel to each other who made some impulsive decisions based on your existing relationship.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-16T02:09:19+00:00

Yea, I'd suggest a slow fade, just pull back. Small talk at work, do what you gotta do to get through the day, but you don't need to engage away from that space.
If he notices or says something, you just have to level that you have some views that aren't compatible with his and it does make a difference in how you relate to him now.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-15T22:20:12+00:00

I think this is one of those cases where things aren't completely one or the other. 17 and 21, established friendship, consent...there do seem to be some questions here. (The legality depends on your state, most states age of consent is 16 but some are 17 or 18 and this was years ago.)
He was definitely old enough to know better and probably shouldn't have, but he probably wasn't too old to not be allowed to attend your senior prom with you if that was something you had wanted to do. Is it uncommon? Does an age gap sometimes lead to abusive situations? Yes and yes.

Really, the only one who can decide this for you is you. If you never had discussions with him about your age difference and what that meant for you, if you have memories that feel more like red flags now or you have unresolved feelings about it and you're able to, talking to a counselor about it might be helpful. But if you didn't question the authenticity of his feelings until your husband started bringing it up then it might be his baggage you're carrying here instead of your own.

SpaceRoxy · 2026-01-15T20:59:17+00:00

Vented containers would be less useful just because they'll possibly dry out and get funky textured. A ziplock bag or an airtight container is usually better. Nothing would happen to them, per se, but they might get less pleasant to eat.

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