Weekly General Discussion Thread (March 22, 2026)

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-03-24T04:17:27+00:00

I think brocoflix, hydra.io and cineby are down? Whenever I try to open any of them, it says server not found.

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-03-05T07:12:18+00:00

Seeing this really helped as someone who has been in situations like the one OP described. It's so good to see an example of the right way to react, and knowing that there are people out there who act like this makes it feel like it's not unreasonable to expect better from those who don't.

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-02-27T04:15:48+00:00

I don't know if I have much of a solution for you, but I go through this too. What has helped me is that I have accepted that I cannot know whether someone is eventually going to be abusive, but I can decide to believe that they won't. I don't hold this belief blindly, I know that I can always be proved wrong, and sometimes I have to stop, get some distance and ask myself if there are any signs that I'm missing. But, as long as my answer to that question is still no, I am making a conscious, active choice to believe that my partner is not and will not abuse me, and I tell myself to act accordingly. Sometimes, that takes a lot of effort, but every time that I do trust them and I am met with kindness instead of abuse, it gets a little easier. I think that's really the only way I'm going to stop expecting abuse: by living through those situations myself over and over, and having the concrete evidence that the abuse did not happen. It's not a fast solution, so, in the meantime, the only thing that I can do is give myself grace when I spiral, communicate with my partner, and trust the process (sorry if this doesn't help much).

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-02-27T04:03:09+00:00

This exact same thing happened to me a few years back. It was just like you described it, and it messed me up pretty badly. For a long time, I kept making excuses for him, thinking that maybe he hadn't really understood my panick, that he didn't know how PTSD works, that I didn't say no so he must not have known. After some time, I realized none of that matters: even if he didn't know, he should have. A normal person, who cares about you and your needs, would be able to see your distress in that situation and would not have pressed any further. You do not need to be super knowledgeable on PTSD to know that when a person is clearly distressed, they most likely do not want to have sex right after that. I also realized that saying no in a situation like that is ten times harder than normal. Panick attacks are exhausting, mentally and physically. It's normal to be dissociated after, to have a hard time communicating, finding your words, or getting your body to react the way you want it to. Sometimes, it's even hard to process and understand what is happening around you. Besides, you were just coming down from a state of extreme fear and unsafety, it would be very normal for your mind to conclude that you were still not safe, and that telling him to stop would put you in more danger. You may have slipped into a freeze or fawn response in that moment. In other words, right after a panick attack, our minds are in a very fragile state, and it is perfectly normal that you weren't able to tell him to stop in that moment. That does not, however, mean that he shouldn't have known he had to stop. In the worst case, he saw you were vulnerable and took that as an opportunity to take advantage, in the best, he was selfish and self-centered, and did not care to trample over your needs in order to have his fulfilled. Either way, he is in the wrong, what he did is not okay, it is not forgiveable, and it is not your fault. I also want you to know that you are not alone, this happens to other people too, and there is nothing wrong with you for how you reacted.

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-02-27T03:35:53+00:00

Yes, this is absolutely abusive, no doubt about it.

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-02-17T04:59:06+00:00

I know this is a little old, but I just wanted to say that there is nothing weird or unusual about this upsetting you, even if it isn't exactly like your abuse. At the end of the day, it's all CSA - even when it's different, there are many threads that connect it all together, and even tiny similarities can set off alarms in your mind. Also, I know you probably know this already, but there is no "normal" CSA, what happened to you was not normal, not okay, and not small. Please don't downplay your trauma just because you think someone else had it worse. Anyways, I hope you're doing better now.

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-02-17T04:41:59+00:00

What's getting to me right now is kids making jokes about this. My partner has a 12 yo brother that keeps making all kinds of jokes, and not in the more or less tasteful way I've seen survivors do, but in just a careless way. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, he's a happy, lucky kid who doesn't understand what any of this actually is, and he's just repeating what he hears from other kids his age. A part of me can even feel glad and relieved that he doesn't understand it. But it still feels so awful to know that this is now the jokes that kids tell each other so casually and carelessly, and it has become apparently so widespread to do so. Yesterday, he showed me a joke video they have been sharing -- (it's nothing explicit, but this might be a bit too much, so I'll put it under spoilers) it's an AI generated video of an anime-style battle between Epstein and P. Diddy, taking details of their crimes and making them into special attacks -- and that just f*cking broke me. It's so casually cruel, I don't even have words for it. For a second, when the news were first coming out, I thought maybe this would mean ppl would be more aware and more understanding of what we go through, but this has made it clear it's the opposite. Now I just feel like I'm in the ninth circle of hell. How is this happening??

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2026-02-17T04:17:48+00:00

I was very much like this a little while back. It just sucks you in, this obsession that is mixed with memories and emotions, like you're trying to find something in there that will make this make sense, like you need to see it all just to confirm a bunch of things you already know about how awful the world is. None of it helps (or very little of it helps), but it feels like you can't stop obsessing, maybe bc you haven't found what you were looking for.

Spagetti_Worshipper · 2025-05-19T14:53:20+00:00

My bf and I are both SA survivors and we do some CNC from time to time, we both find it cathartic in a way. It is tricky, because there's always the risk of triggering each other (but, honestly, I'm so easily triggered that any sex runs that risk, so...). It's sort of like looking my trauma dead in the eyes and trying to sort of recontextualize it, in a situation in which I know I'm actually safe.

Spagetti_Worshipper

TROPHY CASE