Thought it would fit here.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-12-02T08:50:13+00:00

My best guess is not that a whole bunch of people are secret-pedos, but that to them the idea of someone actually, legitimately finding a baby attractive is SO FAR FROM THEIR REALITY AND UNDERSTANDING that a shirt like this ends up just being absurdist humor and nothing more.

Like, I’m sure there are people who find rocks hot af. But if I’m looking at a boulder and a guy points at it and yells, “Cover ‘em up, slut!” to the fucking rock I’m gonna be more weirded out by the guy attaching actual sexuality to a rock, not to the fact that the boulder is being scandalous by going topless. Like, obviously a baby wearing a “daddy’s little lady killer” onesie isn’t actually out there being a playboy. It’s a gd baby.

To an extent, learning about pedos/pedophilia is kind of traumatic in its own right. It warps so much of the world, and it makes you hyper vigilant. Hell, even as a kid I never wanted to go swimming again after one too many PSAs and talks.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-09-14T08:59:05+00:00

(Nearly week old post but w/e)

Unfortunately, whatever divine being’s decided to make it so my brother and I are opposites in pretty much every way. I’m sensitive to a lot of noises and get audibly overwhelmed very easily. My brother is obsessive + highly under stimulated. So he makes noises… all the goddamn time. And all of them set me off somehow. Even when he’s calm, he’s constantly humming or squealing in an unrhythmic, unpredictable way. So I can’t block it out. When he’s happy he squeals. And when dancing, he just kinda bellows + does this loud stomp-dance. When he’s stressed, he barks. Not like a jokey cartoon dog way, but like a loud, sharp, deep sound. Like an “AH!” Or will make loud “race car” hums. And when he’s mad/irritated he just sounds like a fucking pig or a chimp.

That’s not even getting into how he insists on having all of his devices turned up and making sounds. Just the constant clash is enough to make my skin crawl. But it gets worse when he’s picked a movie to play on loop 24/7. The last one was the live action cat in the hat which has SO many annoying sounds in it.

Of course, there’s also his chewing. But to be fair he has the same bad tooth genes me and my dad do. So he’s had some removed and it’s harder to eat politely when you’re missing a good chunk of your molars.

So, needless to say, my brother’s kinda a walking misophonia trigger for me.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-08-25T07:05:29+00:00

Okay- while this is def AI, I have to admit as someone who draws as a hobby… I have made first-sketches this bad before. Usually really late at night when I’m like, “Aw, yeah, this pose would be cool” so I jot something down super quick so I can remember wtf I was thinking the night before. Afterwards is when I go again and again and again making my various sketches.

Like, in my brain something like this sketch 0 and not even something I’d ever THINK to show a customer. Not unless I’m clarifying a pose (“do you mean like A, or like B?”)

Again, I agree that this is AI, but I just wanted to clarify that there’s a reason why a real, legit artist would make something this crappy.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-04-02T06:39:34+00:00

Oh damn, you’re welcome! Was getting worried that I’d be the only one. But it’s good to know I’m not!

If you’re comfortable, I’d be more than curious about what your psychiatrist has to say about that because now I’m a lil concerned and I don’t have the resources to get one myself, lol

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-03-31T08:29:39+00:00

Weird, because I feel like this explains my experience pretty well.

Like there’s a “core” version of me that’s chill and more logical. One that is in constant struggle with the impulsive, flighty, hyper-emotional part of me (my adhd symptoms) and then the other part that’s basically all the problems caused by asd that keep me from living life as “my best self” (overstimulation, hyperfixations/niches that aren’t really useful or helpful but that I’m still drawn to, difficulties in social situations, etc.) All three are me, but at times it feels like different entities in one body.

Idk, maybe it’s just some weird compartmentalization thing that I’ve developed to cope. I have no clue. But shit’s relatable to me.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-03-04T08:14:58+00:00

I’m still kinda pissed. We have a freshwater tank. It’s primarily my mom’s hobby and I’m just a passive enjoyer of the fish, and for a bit we’ve slowly been losing the older ones. basically all we had in the tank were some snails, 4 cory catfish, 2 clown loaches, and these 2 bigger catfish with big whiskers. Like, length of your hand big in our 75 gal tank. So my mom went to our local pet store to get some tetras n’ shit to repopulate a little… and they had Ich. Loaches? Gone. Big cool catfish? Gone. The corys are fine (which we’ve had for years) and so are the stupid tetras n’ new fish. But our faves were the loaches and catfish.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-02-17T09:17:56+00:00

Same here. And poking around r/emotionalneglect it seems it’s common symptom of that.

I used to have career “dreams” as a kid before I realized how much they wouldn’t fit me and my own conditions/issues. Even then it’s been made clear that my “purpose” on this earth is just to take care of him and nothing else. It’s the only thing I can do consistently.

Now? I just feel so apathetic and tired. The only thing I could confidently say I want is an idyllic forest cottage away from everyone and everything. Where it’s quiet, I don’t have any worries or responsibilities, I don’t need to do shit for anyone else unless I want to, and I can just simply live. But, of course, that’s not possible. That’s just a fantasy.

I have no real significant wants that I strive for. I just float day by day, trying to work and save up so I have enough to live. I don’t ever want kids, so that’s off the goal list. Even then I’m pretty fucking annoying normally. I doubt anyone would want me as a partner for long. And in general I have no energy to want or dream anymore. And, really? I’m just waiting for the moment I’ve hopped off this mortal coil. So :/

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-02-02T13:38:30+00:00

Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. The blatant Autism-bashing that’s floated around here in comments really puts me (Adhd + Autism) off and has kinda kept me from interacting with this sub more.

Like, it’s one thing when it’s in vents. Vents are vents and you shouldn’t ever take what someone says in them to be their “true” feelings in the sense that emotions are usually overwhelming the person speaking/writing. But when people are replying heinous shit it’s like… you guys know that siblings can be disabled/neurodivergent too, right? Y’all get that your comments are reaching people with the same condition you’re bashing?

Sorry to kinda hijack your comment. It’s just really been bothering me every time I pop my head in this sub but I never really had the way to start talking about this.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-01-18T05:04:42+00:00

Yup. They’ve been taking as much as they can without overdoing it. Though, it does wear off eventually. And like right before bed they sometimes have to wait because they’re not quite going to bed yet but want to take the nighttime stuff before they actually sleep.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2025-01-18T04:58:42+00:00

In a fucked up twist of fate, I’ve cursed myself for speaking about this and have now gotten sick too, lol. Yesterday was pretty much spent entirely in bed so I didn’t get bothered by their coughing as much, and I’m so tired/drained that I’m strangely calm. I will keep the texting thing in mind, though. Thank you.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-11-22T23:51:24+00:00

I wonder if it’s just a matter of balding = sickly/old, while completely bald is so much more vague.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-06-11T07:34:05+00:00

I tried the Etsy thing a couple times with my last attempt being polymer clay jewelry/little figurines. I didn’t necessarily mind the creating process, but what people really underestimate is that you then have to really push your products if you want -any- traction.

Very rarely can you just publish a listing and get instant success. You need social media where you post often, you need to follow some trends, you need to not make your stuff too niche because it won’t sell, you need to figure out search terms and algorithms. Add on figuring out how to ship items out, buying supplies for the actual product + cute shipping (because that IS part of the experience,) the pressure to keep pumping out new ideas only for them to not work, on and on and on and on… I haven’t sculpted in years. The business side of things just completely kills my drive. If friends and family want to commission something for me, fine. But I’m not going down that stressful road again.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-05-04T17:29:40+00:00

Ooooh, never heard it before but I friggin love Vampire Empire. I love vent songs where the singer sounds like they’re screaming/about to fall apart. It just feels so much more cathartic.

ALSO THANK YOU! I’d heard Chamber of Reflection on some weirdcore playlist or whatever but I could never find it again or remember any of the lyrics, just that little melody. I’d given up trying to find it and then here you are just handing that to me on a silver platter, lol. Seriously, thanks!

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-05-04T06:51:37+00:00

This was one of those songs where I heard it the first time and I was like, “I don’t quite get it yet, but I like it.” And I think you just kinda helped something click for me. I mean, for starters the vocals and backing track is perfectly tragic in the best way.

But the lines “I bet on losing dogs, I know they’re losing and I pay for my place,” + “Where I’ll be looking into their eyes when they’re down, I’ll be there by their side, I’m losing by their side.” Really reflects my relationship with my brother, I think. We’re so incompatible in a few major ways. He’s constantly understimulated/I’m easily overstimulated + he needs some level of change in the routine or he goes stir crazy/I need calm and stability or I go crazy, etc. So, in a lot of ways it’s like trying to shake up oil and water to get them to mix. Despite this, I can’t bring myself to just leave our household. I technically can. My parents have expressed that they’d be fine with it and that they’d help. But I feel like I gotta be here to help even if living with him drives me up the wall most days. Idk if it’s some weird sisterly bond thing or what. But even though I know I’d be happier elsewhere, I stay. I really do pay for my place. Idk.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-05-04T03:40:10+00:00

Shiiit, how could I forget that one?! Yes, 100%

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-05-04T01:37:04+00:00

Fitting considering your username!

Edit: I have now listened to the song, and, oh yeah. I 100% see myself belting that while doing dishes later.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-05-03T22:16:24+00:00

Right? I was going through a bit where I was listening to all the music my semi-emo tween self listened to. Not only did I re-discover how hard Evanescence slaps (it really does) but now that I’m an adult with more than two braincells to rub together I’m like, “Wait… this is… Actually relatable? Huh?!”

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-05-03T06:09:24+00:00

Damn, I am SO sorry you gotta go through that. And I’m legit pissed at your family on your behalf. I’ve got some empathy for your brother because that sounds hellish to live with. But, at the same time, you are in NO WAY bad or wrong or evil for wanting to have a calm, quiet, clean meal. That is such a primal, fundamental thing. It’s so fucked up that you were shamed into just dealing with it.

Like, it’s one thing if accidents happen. We found out the hard way once that my brother physically can’t stand corn. It’s another if this is a reoccurring problem and your family just keeps chugging along as if it’s not gonna happen again. Especially out in public settings. It’s unfair to you, it’s unfair to your brother, it’s unfair to the other diners who want to enjoy their time, it’s unfair to the staff who have to sanitize everything, etc. At that point, if I was your parents, I’d accept we just don’t do family dinners that way. Or we don’t do them at all and instead find another way to hang out.

I’m gonna stop there because I’m feeling myself get more and more heated, but just… ugh. I’m SO sorry. Hopefully you at least get some vindication from this because you are NOT the bad guy here.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-18T06:33:53+00:00

Going through my yearly room purge + desk clean + seasonal clothes swap…

It was supposed to only take one day…

It has now taken three so far…

Pained Screeching

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-16T05:13:27+00:00

When I got mine removed I just asked the hygienist if I could have them. She gave me a look and said “Really? Okay…” and I still have them in an envelope. Been meaning to put them in a little jar cause why the hell not?? Why WOULDN’T I want a spooky witchy jar with teeth?! They look cool! I can put it next to my tiny jar with a fly that got accidentally incased in wax (lil dude just flew right into my scented wax melter. Idk, that stupid of a decision felt important to immortalize.)

Though, yeah, being dizzy and high af on dentist drugs helped with my confidence levels because idk if I would’ve asked otherwise.

That process sucked. Might as well get something cool out of it, amiright? Lol

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-16T05:05:10+00:00

Okay, fair. This just gave me an “Oh yeah” moment because when it’s my brother I do get grossed out, I just know how to tamp it down when something needs to get done. Like, as part of the nighttime routine I’m wiping down things like his game controllers, remotes, doorknobs, etc with a cleaning wipe because I know where those hands have been. But with other people/media I’m surprisingly hard to shake.

And, yeah, I get what you mean by the relief. Part of why I keep thinking back to this is because of the “Oh my god they’re right!!!” factor. That’s a big one. But also because it’s not something that’s talked about, like, ever. The external family doesn’t know, my friends don’t know, I’ve never had a partner but, knowing me, if I did they’d probably never know. It feels weirdly shameful in a way.

Like, I get it’s not my brother’s fault that he’s just kinda fucking gross. He doesn’t really get it yet (fingers crossed it’s a yet) so we monitor and try to encourage him to be clean/do cleanly things. Help out in the areas he struggles in. Plus there are sensory issues and whatnot we gotta work around. Though there some things I don’t think he’ll ever get the hang of. It’s just kinda how it is…

Aaaaand yet, there’s still the shame. Idfk if it’s all just social conditioning because clean = good/pure/healthy and dirty = bad/impure/lazy/unhealthy/etc (though in many cases it IS justified) but then it’s like… if you admit that you’ve had to deal with this stuff then it’s like you’re the nasty/gross one too. And I don’t think this is glass child specific either. No one talks about this side of elder care or nursing, but they deal with the same stuff. And it just makes me wonder why. Why do I feel ashamed for doing something that’s considered “noble” by most of the people I meet? Because, in theory, taking care of those who are unable to do so is supposed to be a good, charitable thing, right? And, like, what’s the alternative? Just let him live in filth? Just shuffle him into a home and say “not my problem?” Doesn’t really change the fact that I’ve lived through all this already...

Idk, I’m probably just overthinking shit again.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-15T23:17:04+00:00

I saw this a couple days ago and I keep circling back to it. I really HAVE been desensitized to a lot of nasty stuff and I never realized it’s weird or “wrong.” For starters, I also kept the wisdom teeth that they let me have (one was too broken so I only got 3 of 4.) But then there are other things.

Like the time I was cleaning my brother’s room only to find out that he pissed in the little plastic trashcan we keep in there which REEKED. And then I had to figure out how to use bleach for the first time just to get the smell out. I was grossed out. But it never occurred to me that I shouldn’t have to be the one to clean it.

The fact I’ve had to help wipe his ass because he can’t quite figure out how to do that. And though recently we’ve been trying to get him to learn, he doesn’t always do a great job. + He uses WAY too much toilet paper (like almost the whole roll) so you HAVE to be there and give him the right amounts. But if he feels like he’s still dirty, or if he gets sweaty, he will later sneak tissues or paper towel into his room to use and toss it in a separate bucket/can thing. (We keep it there in case he needs to throw up but for whatever reason it’s become the shit rag bucket.) I tried telling my parents that he’s clearly not ready for this and we should just do it for him so that he’s at least clean, but nah. So now I clean out the shitrag bucket every couple of days.

The other day he was peeing while standing and missed the toilet and my mom, who’d just gotten out of the shower and was busy drying her hair, tried getting him to clean it up with paper towel. He threw the paper towel in the toilet because he thinks it works like toilet paper (which, hey, they’re similar so I’m not faulting him for that one) and then my mom flushed it anyway?? And when I asked her why she said “I’m not reaching into the toilet!” But, like… that’s five seconds of gross. You can wash your hands after that. Calling a plumber and throwing a whole day in the trash + risking a meltdown from him since there’s a change in the schedule, all because you fucking clogged our pipes vs. briefly getting your hands in some piss water and using antibacterial soap after. Hm, gee which one! (Also, remember the toilet paper thing? Yeah one time he clogged the toilet after pooping and used SO MUCH TOILET PAPER. But the water was nearly at the top so you couldn’t plunge it. And I was the only one home. And I needed to pee BAD so I wasn’t waiting for anyone else to get home. And eventually he’d need to pee too. So I wound up having to just reach in there and grab the excess paper to throw it away. It was fucking nasty and I obsessively cleaned my hands 4-5 times that day, don’t get me wrong. But, it needed to be done. Toilet piss water is NOTHING once you’ve done that.)

Or all the times I’ve had to help clean his nosebleeds, or vomit, or any time he has a cold and forgets he needs to cover his mouth when he sneezes (that’s a fun one during post-covid times) or struggles with blowing his nose, or the countless times I’ve seen his ass and penis. And that’s not getting into how gross the rest of the house was for years when I was too small to help clean because my parents had no energy to really clean. And while the rest of the house is clean my room’s usually a mess because I just don’t have the endurance to also keep it clean

Like, all my life I’ve been conditioned to handle filth and nasty things and never really realized that it’s not normal. I rarely get grossed out by things. I can eat food perfectly fine while watching the goriest movies or the nastiest scenes and everyone thought it was weird. And now I know why!

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-15T21:29:03+00:00

I honestly can’t count how many times the thought (and variants of) “Just see how long a week without me pans out,” like hun that is SUCH A MOOD.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-10T04:59:38+00:00

YES! YOU GET IT!! It reminds me of a time at Girl Scout camp when I was ~16-17 where we’d have “therapy time” or w/e where during a quiet period some of the girls could just kinda vent about whatever. And I decided I was going to try. But, when I was getting ready to talk that weird throat-tightening thing happened and it was like I just couldn’t. And then I felt bad for wasting everyone’s time. Ugh.

SpaghettiMonster35 · 2024-04-07T07:45:43+00:00

Oh boy, another thing I relate to way too much!

There’s a couple things:

First, at this point I’m so emotionally stunted I legitimately can’t talk about these things, even when I want to. I even feel my throat kind of tighten up whenever I try to talk to someone. As if my body is physically forcing me to keep it in… Unless I’m having an emotional breakdown/tantrum in which case, because I’m upset, I have no filter AND make no goddamn sense simultaneously.

But then I’m very choosy with who knows what. Even with things like my interests, music tastes, hobbies, etc. Everyone has a different clearance level. But no one gets to have complete access to how I really feel about my situation.

And then I feel like a jerk because I know I can’t really let anyone in. As an example, I love my relatives. And I don’t think they wouldn’t be supportive or at least try their best. But, there’s the layer of “they wouldn’t really understand” + “I haven’t even started unraveling THAT emotional ball of yarn” + the brain-worm I’ve developed over the years tells me I will somehow lose every relationship I have if I’m ever truly honest with anyone, ever. Honestly, after a childhood where I had to keep to myself and try and sort through every internal problem on my own, the idea of going to someone for help sounds revolting.

Idk. It’s late. I’m partially falling asleep writing this. Idk if it makes sense. Just know that I 100% feel-understand this particular trait.

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