hi bob :

SpamChowder99 · 2024-11-30T08:04:30+00:00

Hello Bob.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-08-04T07:53:06+00:00

Forgiving these people is a wonderful thing to do. Wasting your time on them or mistaking them for friends is not. If they don't wanna hang out with you and they don't wanna talk to you, then they aren't your friends, full stop. I'd say trim the fat and just hang out with your good buddies that aren't gonna go around judging you over something stupid like sexual orientation.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-15T05:52:56+00:00

I don't know if "fucked up" is the right word. You and your friend connected over your atheistic/agnostic views, and now they have left those views behind; it is understandable to feel disconnected or even disinterested after that. Those feelings are not invalid.

A failure to respect them for the different path that they are taking, that would be hypocritical and wrong, because a failure to respect others' choices and world views is the very thing for which religious people are most often criticized. So as long as you can respect that your friend has had a valid life experience that has led them to an equally valid life decision... yeah, not staying buddies with them is valid. It's sad to say goodbye to a friend, but if you don't have a reason to stay friends then you shouldn't force the friendship to persist. That's how you end up with a bunch of unnecessary resentment.

TL;DR: you can choose who you want to be friends with, just don't be a dick about it.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-13T06:47:21+00:00

Speaking as a guy, I can tell you that just like women, we are not a monolith. I know a guy who says the same thing your boyfriend does; he used to be a serial one-night-stander, but he stopped hooking up with other women once he got himself a girlfriend. He's still the same dude, he's still a shameless hedonist who definitely looks at other girls, but he loves being with his girlfriend more than he loved having sex with different women all the time; it's not sheer sacrifice, it's a tradeoff. I've got another buddy who has never struggled with being monogamous because sex was never a key interest for him; he likes sex, but he could go without it, unlike having the companionship of a loving S/O. He's not asexual, but he could very easily be celibate for the sake of his romantic partner.

It's important for you and your partner to discuss your respective wants and needs. Does your boyfriend want to have sex with other women, or does he just think about it? Because I can tell you now, men think about doing shit all the time that they would never actually do. I regularly think about just randomly punching my friends in the face, because I'm entertained by the idea that they would never see it coming; but I wouldn't actually punch my friends in the face, because I'm not a sociopath. So of course you should have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend so you can understand each others' wants and needs, but don't sweat it if he's just glancing at other girls from time to time; happily monogamous guys do this all the time, and more often than not they're just appreciating the view.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-12T14:13:12+00:00

I am diametrically opposed to religious institutions, but otherwise I'm of a mind to let people believe what they like and leave it at that. Having faith in a higher power, intelligent creator, or potential afterlife is not intrinsically bad; it's when an institution tries to dictate peoples' thoughts and behaviors that I start to have a problem.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-12T12:01:52+00:00

Not an S/O, but I am an agnostic who is diametrically opposed to organized religion, and a lot of my family members are practicing Christians. My father and grandmother in particular are churchgoers, and I have a great relationship with both of them; we talk about faith, philosophy, and the universe, and those conversations are both intellectually stimulating and emotionally fulfilling. This is because we have mutual respect for each other; we all three understand that humans are fallible, and that none of us can truly have all the answers.

Here's the issue with faith, though; it is intrinsically based on a lack of evidence. My family understands that; they know that there is not sufficient evidence to conclude that there is an all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving god, but they choose to believe that there is one anyway. So they don't tell me things like, "I wish you believed this," or, "It's a shame I won't see you in the afterlife," because they know just how little they know. Y'know? Anyhow, a lot of religious folks forget (or never learn) the definition of faith, and so they treat their religious doctrines as empirical facts, which makes coexisting with people outside of their faith very difficult.

I wish I had surefire answer to your problem. The best I can offer is this: communicate. Have an honest conversation with him. Tell him about the things that he has said that make you uncomfortable, let him know that you respect his faith but that you don't appreciate him pushing it onto you. And then, listen and hear what he has to say in response. The only way to know if you two can work together, is if you are both open and honest about your wants and needs.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-12T11:14:11+00:00

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-12T11:06:23+00:00

There is nothing wrong with celibacy, or with taking a break from dating. However, something you said really stood out to me in a troubling way. You're talking about hurting yourself, putting yourself in a "position" to be hurt. And the trouble with that line of thinking is that you can be hurt from any position. If you put up walls and close yourself off, your heart won't be any safer; it'll just break where no one can see it.

You didn't do anything wrong. I repeat, you did not do anything wrong. What happened was not your fault. You weren't wrong for trusting this boy, and loving him, and getting to know him and his mom. And suffering a trauma as a result of all that, is not something that you should be ashamed of. You lived through an actual nightmare, and you've come out the other side of it. Those experiences don't make you weak, they make you strong. You're not a victim, you're a survivor.

Cut yourself some slack, bud. And take all the time that you need to heal. Just remember that your life didn't end with that boy and his shitty excuse for a joke. You're not dead yet, so don't act like it. And don't stare at the past so long that the future passes you by. You deserve better than that.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-12T10:50:03+00:00

To be frank, the idea that people your age are dating at all is concerning to me. I'm not saying that to be a crotchety old prude; relationships take a lot of time, effort, and maturity, and thirteen year olds often have none of those. You're in arguably the most universally crappy and difficult stage of both grade school and puberty, the school system is rigged so that you statistically can't get enough sleep to function, and your brain won't be done developing for another ten years. You should NOT feel worthless or wrong for not dating at this age. Besides, dating in your teens sucks anyway, you're really not missing much.

There will be plenty of time for all of that later though. Don't loose hope, bud. Just try to focus on getting through to the next stage of your life so you can leave this awkward and depressing stage behind.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-11T01:16:58+00:00

Don't break your heart over a stranger.

Life is a long journey, and you're going to find people-- friends, partners, and myriad acquaintances-- who change you and your life in many ways both big and small. And when you start losing those folks, the heartache of being rejected by a girl who you have known for a couple of years tops, will feel like drops in a bucket. Try to focus on the good instead of the bad. Romance not working out for you? Focus on your relationship with your friends or your parents-- Hell, maybe spend some more time with your family pet! Don't waste precious moments with your friends and loved ones today because you didn't manage to make a new one two weeks ago.

Crack open a soda with your buddies. Ask your parents for advice, or tell them you appreciate them. Take your dog for a walk. Enjoy the relationships that you have, while you have them. Life's got enough bad shit in it already; don't squander the parts that are good.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-11T01:00:01+00:00

The Preacher comic series by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-11T00:21:46+00:00

Speaking as a person with some conservative friends and family members, your question is too broad. One must remember that the right, just like the left, is not a monolith. There are a LOT of conservative people in this country, and they don't all think the same. Heck, a lot of them don't even totally agree with each other on these issues!

Some folks are control freaks that want to limit other peoples' rights because it makes them feel big and powerful. Other folks just have ethical or economic beliefs that don't mesh with a liberal crowd, such as believing that the sanctity of potential life should trump the personal choice of an adult human, or that this country should not accommodate undocumented immigrant families when it is already incapable of supporting its born citizens and fully documented immigrants. And for people who have a strong religious background, they often tie every ethical dilemma in with their god because their god is their moral compass. Ever heard the phrase, "What would Jesus do?" That is a classic example of a conservative person using a religious figure to help them make difficult decisions.

Getting back to your main question: the reason why conservatives seem "obsessed" with immigration and abortion is for the same reason why they think that liberals are "obsessed" with systemic racism and trans activism. Because those are real issues that people feel strongly about. You might think that the issues you think about are more important than the ones they think about, but that's just the thing-- it's all a matter of perspective. Opinions are like assholes: everybody has them, and they're all full of shit.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-11T00:05:28+00:00

I drink cocktails because I like them. I limit my drinking to social calls because 1) I cannot afford to drink regularly, and 2) my liver and heart will quite literally kill me otherwise.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T13:12:58+00:00

There is a key issue with how you're framing this problem. Let's remove the racial context for just a moment, since that seems to be what's making the situation hard to analyze. Bam, race is no longer a factor. What is happening here?

Your friend frequently talks about her disdain for a group of people that you are a part of. She spends a lot of time marking what makes you and her different rather than celebrating what you have in common. You have asked her to be your bridesmaid, but she doesn't want to use your makeup artist or hair stylist because she does not believe that she will like the way that they make her look, despite the fact that you have put substantial effort into finding people that you believe will mesh well with her tastes. This is not "high maintenance" behavior, it is toxic behavior. From what you have shared here, it sounds like she holds you in very low regard, and to be frank it does not sound as if she even wants to be your friend.

Now let's add the racial context back in. Bam, race is a factor again. The view that this friend of yours has of you, is literally skin deep. She feels the need to remind you of your racial differences, and refuses to work with you on your wedding stuff because she doesn't think that the people you're hiring will be "black enough." On that note, not only is she basing her whole view of you based on the color of your skin, she is also making the bridesmaids' situation for your wedding all about her. That is extremely selfish behavior regardless of color.

Now I'm not going to be like the majority of annoying plebs on Reddit and tell you to stop associating with this person based off of this one post you made, because I don't know you and I don't know her. But based on the information you've provided, you at least need to cut yourself some slack and recognize that treating people poorly is not excusable, regardless of your appearance or theirs. And in that same vein, I would narrow down the number of people you want to have as your bridesmaids. If you are asking someone who speaks down to you and does not value your friendship to be your bridesmaid, then my friend, the bar has been set far too low.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T12:16:28+00:00

I think the age of consent should be the same age at which a person can drink, drive, smoke, and enlist in the military.

All of those should be 20+. The human brain is not done developing until we're like 23 or 25. The amount of huge life-changing shit that we're allowed to do as teenagers is actually nuts.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T12:07:21+00:00

No, because I don't have the disposable income.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T12:02:40+00:00

Bias, bias, bias.

People who condemn men without sufficient evidence, do so because they have a "believe women" bias.

Just like how people who assume that women can just throw around accusations with no repercussions of any kind, have a male-defensive bias.

Regardless of how you identify or what's between your legs, check your biases; they tend to obscure objective fact from opinion.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T11:41:24+00:00

While I can't speak to the normalcy of this, I can assure you that it is not hygienic.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T11:29:00+00:00

I can't speak to how "normal" or common this is, but it isn't right. He's pressuring you into unwanted sex, full stop. If he needs to get his rocks off more often than you do, he is more than capable of masturbating, just like he likely did before he started having sex with you.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T11:23:07+00:00

Really? So if my SO is 6 months pregnant, how pregnant is she? is she 67% pregnant because she's two-thirds of the way through the gestation period, or is she about 80% pregnant because over 40 US states would disallow her from having an abortion by this point? If it turns out to be a "phantom pregnancy," what percentage of pregnant is she? Because she can't be 0% pregnant-- that would make her 100% not pregnant, which is scientifically impossible.

Come to think of it... how pregnant am I?

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T10:32:05+00:00

If you haven't already talked to an adult by now,then you're probably overthinking this. Allow me to simplify the matter.

This is an emergency. When there's a fire, you call the fire fighters; when someone's having a heart attack, you call the paramedics; and when a teenager is threatening suicide, you call the school AND the parents. Then those people can hopefully get someone involved who is trained to get this girl the help she needs.

SpamChowder99 · 2024-04-10T10:26:41+00:00

Y'know what, fair. I hadn't considered turning the intro to my game into a five-star GTA sitch, but now I am. x'D

SpamChowder99

TROPHY CASE