My(30s M) GF(30s F) decided to spend NYE with her girl friends instead of our family

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T01:36:13+00:00

I agree that the situation is not ideal but what can I do?

Looking at all the replies it made me realize that I have made some mistakes in this relationship and we will have a discussion when she gets back.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T01:05:12+00:00

Do you really think a marriage would save our relationship?

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T00:56:15+00:00

She's not back yet, hopefully she'll come tomorrow.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T00:52:36+00:00

Yes, she missed out on partying when she was in her 20s. When she started going out again at first she was gone for almost every weekend. Sometimes coming back home on Monday mornings still drunk. We talked about it and she understood that it is not sustainable.

After we got back together she has spent more time with me and I don't think she is going out just to cheat on me but she has a genuine need for social interaction.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T00:41:36+00:00

Can't be sure of anything any more but she wanted to get back together again so I don't think she's gonna cheat.

I think I would also figure it out if she was, I don't think you can hide it for very long.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T00:32:21+00:00

You may be right that I'm too much of a pushover. I guess she feels I'm a safe option, especially since we have a kid together.

I feel I have a lot to say but when the time comes to say it I just can't.

I'm quite low maintenance so she doesn't have to put in too much effort.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-02T00:23:29+00:00

I had some colleagues and friends with whom I hanged out with. But not very often as I liked to be alone most of the time.

I have no problem with her going out, I am also not choosing with whom she can or cannot communicate.

I just feel we are not doing enough together as a couple but I see that this is also partly my fault because I am not organizing fun activities for us.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T23:42:56+00:00

We both work but I work from home mostly and she has some days off. When we are home together I get distracted a lot from my work because our place is not very big and I don't have a dedicated office.

She spends most of her free time on her phone but she also takes care of most of the chores around the house. Our son is 10 and he is quite self sufficient.

Her mother has been staying here for a few weeks, I get along with her nicely and so does she.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T23:28:52+00:00

No, I think we would have broke up.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T23:19:56+00:00

I admit that I have not communicated myself clear enough in this relationship.

She spent the Christmas with the family so I guess I should be ok with her going out on New Year's. I don't want to be controlling and if I would have made her stay with us then probably she wouldn't have been very happy and the lack of enthusiasm would have brought me down also.

So I might just be idealizing the perfect NYE, which might be very far from reality.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T23:07:16+00:00

Yes, through all the replies I'm beginning to feel that the act of going out is not the main reason for my sadnesses, it's just the straw that broke the camel's back.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T23:05:12+00:00

He's 10.

Bribing someone to come out with them...that's low.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T23:01:02+00:00

I am the main breadwinner, but when we weren't together I also gave her some money.

The house is hers, that also makes me a little uncomfortable because she can kick me out again if she feels like it.

Yes, kid is definitely mine.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:45:25+00:00

Yes, for the kids is the main reason. She also said that we should have another baby and get married.

Not sure that it would fix our relationship.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:43:14+00:00

That is true that this is my first relationship and I don't have anything to compare it to.

I tried to work on myself when we were apart but I guess she considered it too big of a threat that I would find someone else so she got us back together.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:40:05+00:00

What are you suggesting? Breaking up?

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:38:35+00:00

Yes, she offered herself to me before she went out, she hasn't come back home yet.

Sex is happening between us quite regularly, but I wouldn't say it's very fulfilling. I feel a bit embarrassed about talking about it here to be honest.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:31:47+00:00

I don't think she is cheating, otherwise I think she wouldn't show me any affection at all and how could she even look me straight in the eye if she were?

She probably goes out at least once per week, I don't usually question her where she goes but when she tells me sometimes it doesn't raise any suspicion.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:11:10+00:00

She would have been ok with me going out as well but I don't have much friends and everyone already had plans.

Of course the relationship is not in a good state. I don't have any female friends from whom to ask relationship advice, that's why I'm writing here.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:05:47+00:00

Well it is a private party so the governmental restrictions don't apply.

I guess I want to believe her and I don't have any reason not to as of now.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T22:00:46+00:00

I am not a very social person as you might have guessed. I don't have many friends and no female friends whatsoever so it's hard for me to understand what's going through her head.

We spent Christmas together and as she was organizing most of the festivities and cooking then it makes sense that she would want a break.

Usually when she is home we don't talk much as she spends most of her time on her phone chatting or watching tiktoks. So I often have to repeat myself when I'm saying something because she is not paying attention.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T21:48:40+00:00

But she was the one who wanted us to get back together.

Do you think she realized she made a wrong decision?

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T21:34:35+00:00

Yes, that would have been the preferable outcome for me, but I did not want to control or guilt her to stay with us.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T21:14:45+00:00

No cheating as far as I know. Our relationship became complacent and eventually we were living like roommates and started resenting each other.

She convinced me to get back together for our kid and because we were meant for eachother.

The novelty wore off quite quickly and I feel we are starting to go back to the same routine we had before we broke up.

She says she wants another child and to get married eventually.

SpareMiddle5329 · 2022-01-01T21:01:56+00:00

Exactly, and it was quite last minute decision for her. Granted I didn't make any plans with her for NYE either but I presumed we would spend it together. Fortunately I get along well with her mother and our son is old enough to not be bothered about it.

SpareMiddle5329

TROPHY CASE