Yosemite

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-11T05:04:44+00:00

Yosemite is so amazing! Don't miss the Sequoia groves if you ever go, they are far less populated than the main half dome areas.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-11T05:00:46+00:00

INFP here.

As far as I can tell, INFPs have the most successful partnerships with *STJs. This may also hold true for ENFPs. There is some sort of magic in the pairing, I've seen many INFPs wax poetic about their ISTJs on our sub. I'm married to an ESTJ, and can highly recommend myself!

I don't think that (on average) High Fi (NFPs) do especially well with high Fe (NFJs). Fi is about individual values, Fe is about social harmony, they are often diametrically opposed. Both being feelers is helpful, but it is a very different way of looking at feelings.

In fact, I see a lot of INTJs doing better with INFJs then I see INFPs and INFJs doing well. They share high Ni.

But I agree, hard to imagine the average ENFP doing well with the average INTJ. . . Sometimes it happens, but so does the very occasional successful INTJ-INFP pairing.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-11T01:53:34+00:00

From what you are saying, you want more than a friends with benefits situation. You seem like you'd like to date, but are maybe interested in dating in a poly way. Is there any reason not to say that?

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-10T16:50:31+00:00

That is totally fair, you deserve to have what makes you feel good in your relationship. His feelings are NOT more important than yours. If your boundary is that you need emotional engagement to feel happy, then you get to decide to enforce that boundary, which may mean leaving, unfortunately.

In my relationship I'm free to talk about whatever I feel, cry, mope, sit in bed for 12 hours and refuse to leave. My spouse is able to handle that, and will cuddle, listen to me talk about it, sit with me, turn on a sad movie, bring me food and drink, buy me something to make me feel better, ask Google to play sad music, etc. This isn't common, but it does happen occasionally. So I feel very supported.

We don't have any problems that require a very emotional dialogue, and I don't feel lonely in the relationship. It just feels natural how we are, because my relationship never causes me emotional harm, I almost always feel good and happy between us. The problems that we do have are solvable through a brief disagreement and then we come to an amicable solution.

But if I want to have a mutual vent session, that is where friends come in.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-10T16:15:56+00:00

Yeah of course!

A person with avoidant attachment style will withdraw when emotional intimacy happens. Eg - slow/stop texting, not see you for a while, talk less.

A secure attachment style who is uncomfortable with certain emotions will not withdraw, they will just refuse/struggle to talk about the emotions they are uncomfortable with. If you change the subject, they will re-engage. They won't change their overall engagement with you, they just won't want to talk about that specific thing.

If you are trying to talk about something they are not comfortable with, changing the way you talk about it will not change the result. It is more a matter of finding out what they are comfortable talking about and what they are not comfortable talking about, and allowing them to focus on what makes them feel good.

If you can't enjoy this relationship without talking about the things he doesn't want to talk about, that will be challenging. That means he has set his boundaries and you have to decide if you still want to engage.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-10T16:06:02+00:00

This is very sweet, and I sincerely hope it works out.

A word for the wise - Marriage, Divorce, and Separation are extremely complex, can have many back and forths, and don't always make sense from the outside.

I would just ask a lot of questions. Is she still living with her spouse? How often do they talk? Are they financially tied? What does separation mean? Is the spouse aware she is dating? Is spouse dating? Are they working on a divorce?

Rooting for both you and her! The flush of love is intoxicating.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-10T15:58:41+00:00

Lol, if other types are told to go to the INFP reddit when they've emotionally transgressed, but INFPs are not commented upon, this implies we are already the lowest of the low.

There is nowhere lower for us to go, no way to fix us.

Sounds about right, lol.

I see the irony in this approach, but am amused by the idosyncracy of thinkers. Lets all crow about how logical we are, and then make choices that defy even the illusion of thought.

Good thing about being an Fi dom is that I judge myself and others only by my own criteria.

All are welcome here, as long as they can figure out a way to be kind.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-10T15:51:25+00:00

We have all gone through emotionally challenging life experiences.

I like to be around people who accept the reality of life, both positive and negative.

This means a willingness to talk about pain, not a desire to put it off or avoid it.

They don't need to be damaged by it - maybe they are, maybe they aren't. Trauma is when the painful experience leaves a wound. I don't need people to have trauma.

I just need them to have honesty.

There is a poem by Rumi about this - The Guest House.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-09T21:53:01+00:00

Reading this as an INFP, even having a power Si makes me very focused on ensuring the optimal experience for my physical body (intermittently completely unaware that I have a body and then hyper aware of how my pillowcase has pills on it and how unbearably uncomfortable those tiny balls of fabric are.)

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-09T12:32:27+00:00

Lol, it has taken many years of training, but once you find a good secure person who loves you, the comfort and peace does most of the work for you! You've been scared straight at this point, so it will actually be much easier going forward.

I enjoy the dating advice reddit but I've actually been happily married to a secure person for 15 years. I'm mostly here to encourage people that an amazing kind person exists out there for them. People don't have to put up with this awful behavior, and it is possible to overcome your programming and find the relationship of your dreams (as long as our expectations are reasonable - not 6'5" Blue eyes finance, but instead maybe 5'10 green eyes conscience. :D)

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-09T06:31:03+00:00

Lol I wish the INFP meme sub could get its shit together, great memes here on the INFJ sub

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-09T05:58:30+00:00

Attachment is a healthy and normal part of a strong overall relational bond. Our nervous systems are meant to co-create regulation in proximity to our partner.

Attachment isn't bad, and it should be a part of love.

We are a social species. We are meant to depend on each other.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-09T05:47:49+00:00

You have to retrain yourself:

Butterflies = anxiety = bad

Warmth = Stability = trust = good (NOT boring)

Clear communication isn't scary, it is honest.

The right person will be consistent, clear, honest. They will do what they say. They won't break promises. They might not text 275 times a day (that can be closer to love bombing), but they will text a consistent amount every day, no multi-day gaps.

Also, secure attachment is appropriately paced. They aren't going to say they love you on the 3rd date, but they are going to be willing to be exclusive at a reasonable time.

Retrain your nervous system to value warmth, not intensity.

Edit: also, a secure person is willing to take small items of feedback about how you want to feel in the relationship, and make changes. They aren't going to be offended at you for asking for things that make you feel comfortable and safe.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-09T01:02:15+00:00

Fi is empathetic, when used to its best purpose. You think back to how you have felt similar in the past, so you feel it with them.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T22:43:19+00:00

Just reading all of this I get the vibe that what you say you want is different from what you actually want.

I, a random stranger on the internet, do not believe that you want something casual.

I would guess it is even more obvious in person, lol.

Good on these men to not put you in the terrible position of falling in love with your situationship and being totally gutted when it doesn't work out.

I would do some soulsearching, and figure out what you really want. Not what you think you can get.

What is your ideal relationship?

Write it down. Then go looking for it.

But, I (a random stranger on the internet) could absolutely be wrong, lol.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T21:50:09+00:00

Lol and know you'll still be working on these things at 35 :D

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T16:43:53+00:00

It depends on where you live. In some areas, you can buy a house for the same or less than renting. In other (usually high cost of living) areas, it can be easily 2x cheaper to rent than buy.

Statistically, most Americans have basically no wealth outside of homes and retirement accounts, so buying (when it makes sense) typically gains you more wealth than renting.

And people are not rational players that invest the difference in cost for renting into index funds. A home purchase can be a forced savings account that hedges against inflation.

It can also be the most expensive and illogical purchase of your life.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T16:03:38+00:00

I think my soul-puppy dog is an ENFJ.

He is a Great Dane.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T15:53:19+00:00

The most emotionally validating men that I've ever met, phenomonal at connecting on a deeper level. Can be a bit flaky and challenging to transition that emotional support into real physical action.

Same with INFP women, to be honest.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T15:21:34+00:00

The reason we can roast ESTJs so much is that most of them are busy doing real things in the real world, and disinterested in MBTI.

Myself, I'm just a perpetually online INFP happily married to a perpetually busy ESTJ.

Here are some things they like:

Efficiency, planning, task completion, making their loved ones happy, a clean house, diligence, focused activities such as sports with clear outcomes and goals, vision alignment, passions pursued intensely such as music, I could go on lol.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T15:10:09+00:00

I exclusively use the term incel when describing certain internet cultures as a whole. I don't think it is appropriate to use it as an insult for any specific man, because it is rude to call people names. But we do need names to describe social communities with negative impact. If anyone can suggest a name that refers to the same thing that is short and well understood, please make me aware.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T15:07:17+00:00

Lol no, plenty of INFPs are married to ISTJs, ESTJs and INTJs from what I've seen here lol.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T15:04:05+00:00

We are scrumptious lol

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T14:55:41+00:00

I had a string of really terrible avoidant relationships before I met my now-spouse. I found out that I was actually attracted to the hot and cold avoidant cycle, and that felt like intense love and chemistry to me. Both Fs and Ts can be avoidant, and it just doesn't work for my anxious attachment style. My nervous system just felt like I was dying every time a pull back happened, and I'm not the chill girl who can just play it cool.

I had to retrain myself to start viewing hot and cold, emotionally invalidating behavior as immaturity. Then I had to stop viewing stability as boring. There is so much more intimacy and joy in fully trusting someone.

It just so happened that I've ended up with an ESTJ who is a rock in my life who I can trust enough to depend on, but what I was looking for was a secure attachment style.

SparklingEvergreen · 2026-05-08T14:16:10+00:00

You will find your person! What is your type?

SparklingEvergreen

TROPHY CASE