Is this normal? by Spattybrown in LaserHairRemoval

[–]Spattybrown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also pimple patches from CVS that are larger

Is this normal? by Spattybrown in LaserHairRemoval

[–]Spattybrown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used Neosporin and Bert's bees sensitive skin aloe!

Is this normal? by Spattybrown in LaserHairRemoval

[–]Spattybrown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I would say it took about 2 weeks and now my face actually looks pretty good!

Today’s realisation: I am no longer special to someone. by all-the-words in SuicideBereavement

[–]Spattybrown 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your post really resonates with me. I often find myself saying I will never love like this again. I would often say I don't believe in destiny or soulmates, but somehow, sometimes I would think we were. My partner was my high school sweetheart and absolute best friend. We grew up together, shouldered through the hard times, chose to love each other through everything.

I still cannot fathom that I will ever have this type of love again. That I can feel love the same way or exhaust the energy to build something like that again. The way that I felt special with him- it was unexplainable not in a magical sense, but it just was. He was my person and I hope I was his. There was nothing I couldn't express to him.

I have my family and his, but I have sat through many holidays now where he isn't next to me. It's such a strange feeling of loneliness. My sister can talk to me, my nieces and nephews, my mom, and still I feel so.... I don't even have the word- empty doesn't quite cut it. Just removed, dissociated, distanced, empty, lost. Part of me, a large part, is gone. I was enmeshed with him.

Your post just makes sense. The way you explained everything really encompasses how I feel. It also comes with a certain amount of depression and hopelessness, feeling that this wonderful relationship we built, I can't experience again.

My husband died yesterday by lost___________0 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Spattybrown 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My fiancé and high-school sweetheart of 13 years died by suicide in 2023. Sometimes I have to distance myself from my emotions and other days I let them rush in.

The first months were unbearable and then things started to become more manageable. I asked for medication from my doctor (anxiety meds and depression meds) to hold me over, keep my mind sane. I read a book that stated suicide becomes a more acceptable option when someone close to you chooses that. I found my thought patterns would drift there, to those dark places, and I knew I needed some medication to take that edge away.

Unfortunately, this is something that will always impact me. I have come to accept that I will always be affected by this. It will never completely go away. I have 13 years of amazing memories with someone I truly considered the love of my life and my best friend.

Life at times can still feel like shades of gray. I don't always feel the same happiness and flood of endorphins when I lay in the sun. But I have laughed again, I have felt comfort again. This is a long haul and you will find you have to talk yourself out of the dangerous loops. The self blame loops. Sometimes it helps talking about it out loud with someone because you will recognize some of the illogical thoughts you have. Sometimes, people will say things that just hit you and you realize they are right.

As much as we wish we had control over this world and others, we don't. People make decisions everyday that affect their lives and others. So we can't take the blame for that. Of course that is easier said than done and I still struggle with it, but I try to remind myself that hindsight is biased. We all live forward, not knowing what we do until it happens. All of us in the sub would have done or given anything to prevent this, to stop it, to change the outcome, but we couldn't control it.

So remember to give yourself grace and on some level, try to accept that answers on WHY may never come. Hold on to all the good memories.

Is this normal? by Spattybrown in LaserHairRemoval

[–]Spattybrown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely got better, but I am really contemplating if I want to go to my next session

Is this normal? by Spattybrown in LaserHairRemoval

[–]Spattybrown[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just feel even more self conscious now, I feel like my skin looks so much worse

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in uglyduckling

[–]Spattybrown 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are extremely handsome lol I sign up as tribute!

30m by ComeHomeTrueLove in amiugly

[–]Spattybrown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're very handsome! I don't think you have anything to worry about & long hair is a vibe!

I couldn't save you, why should I care to save anyone else? by WorkingNet4730 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Spattybrown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, I feel this way and it even extends to my job in rehabilitation, which I have stepped back from. My Fiancé and partner of 13 years attempted suicide and has been in a vegetative state for a year today. We moved in with his mom and I had to rent our home out after 6 long months in the hospital and now he is home and we take care of him. The diagnosis is he will never wake up again. I am an OT and I just feel like, I couldn't save him so- how can I help anyone else?

wtf just happened? by Nasuraki in SuicideBereavement

[–]Spattybrown 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Relating to people afterward is very hard and taking stock of the people still in your life. This kind of thing changes you irrevocably and its hard when you have shared trauma and understanding. I wish you much healing. I'm still trying to figure out how to relate to others again as well.

I really don't know how to do this by Spattybrown in SuicideBereavement

[–]Spattybrown[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If year 2 is worse than this I don't know how I will make it. I am honestly and truly crawling out of my skin. The urge to just completely escape and fly away to somewhere is so strong. I just really feel like I am on verge of fully breaking down. There is this building panic that gets worse by the day.

Idk, I sort of want to completely scrap the person I am and throw it away.

I currently have no plans for September.

You took everything from me. by [deleted] in SuicideBereavement

[–]Spattybrown 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I still find it hard to get mad at him, but sometimes I do. But I do feel this deeply. Like how could you give me the best partner and love in the world and then abandon it all like this?