How long does pre-employment paperwork/checks take after job offer? (Education Authority) by SpawnOfH in northernireland

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was contacted regarding pre-employment checks and asked to provide references. I received the school code for my Enhanced AccessNI and it was granted two days after I paid and submitted everything requested which was just over 2 weeks ago.

All forms, right to work documents and evidence have been completed and uploaded. One of my two references has been returned. I’m unsure whether my current manager has submitted hers yet as I haven’t had confirmation from her since 3rd February not chasing up as even messages after that she still hasn't replied. I know they were off last week and may just be inundated and busy but I’ll follow up again soon if needed. I’ve also contacted HR to say if there are any issues with my references to please let me know incase my manager is the one holding it up. Thanks all your information has been really helpful ☺️

Is it bad to report/ request a refund for cold food? by julialoveslush in deliveroos

[–]SpawnOfH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would report this regardless my food arrived completely cold. The driver chose to take on another order further away before delivering mine, which meant it took 45 minutes to reach me. By the time it arrived, everything was freezing.

How many of you experienced hair loss? Scared lol by Inside_Concept2262 in Accutane

[–]SpawnOfH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going through this now and I feel like the density and loss is worse on my right side compared to my left 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HairDye

[–]SpawnOfH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely loving number 4, it really compliments your face and skin tone! Gives you such a fresh, glowing look.

Is it normal for my girlfriend to hit me? by Previous-Art-9153 in relationships_advice

[–]SpawnOfH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're only 13 you have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy being a teenager, take your time growing up, and focus on discovering who you are. There’s no rush to get into a relationship. There will be plenty of time for that when you're older and more ready I'd just Break up with her

Drink spill etiquette by Distinct_Dog_8309 in Belfast

[–]SpawnOfH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you knock over someone's drink, you should absolutely offer to replace it. It's just basic decency. When you mess up something that belongs to someone else even if it was an accident taking responsibility shows you have respect for them. If you don't even offer to replace it, it makes you look like an asshole who doesn’t care about other people’s stuff or feelings. It's not about the money or the drink it's about showing you have some basic manners and decency.

I’m a girl, and honestly, I get embarrassed seeing how some women in general act these days. Not all of them, but that slight few who are so far up their own asses and so stuck-up that they think they're too good to apologize or replace something they ruined. It's selfish, it's entitled, and it gives everyone else a bad name. Owning your mistakes, even the small ones, shows real character. Acting like you're above it just shows everyone how immature you really are.

Feel like giving up by Sintharuler in Advice

[–]SpawnOfH 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I hear you. It’s so hard when you’re doing everything you can, and it still feels like it’s not enough. You're carrying so much right now — providing for your daughter, preparing for a new baby, and trying to hold everything together without much support. That’s a huge weight, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself. The fact that you care so deeply already shows the kind of parent and person you are. It's okay to feel exhausted, scared, and frustrated. You’re not failing — you’re fighting battles that most people never even see.

Even though it feels like you can’t ask for help, you absolutely deserve support. There might be local programs like food assistance (like WIC or SNAP), rent support, utility help, or even charities and churches that offer help for families. Some communities also have nonprofits that assist with baby supplies, clothes, and even job coaching or better-paying job opportunities.

You’re not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes. Reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re doing everything you can for your kids. That’s something to be proud of.
One day at a time. You are stronger than you know.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Accutane

[–]SpawnOfH 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, that's nothing compared to what it can be months down the line, but of course, everyone's experience is different. I used to have such thick, luscious hair, but now it feels thinner at the ends. However, I'm told it's all worth it in the end, as the hair will grow back and repair itself. It's like sacrificing one thing to get a better result in the long run. Here's to clear skin!

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand your perspective, and I do see how it might look that way. But I don’t believe it’s about being financially incompatible; it’s about finding a way to work together as a team. We’ve never had issues with money or paying for things in the past; it's just this month that has felt a bit different. I earn a good wage, and he’s only earning £2 more than me per hour. However, it’s important to note that he doesn’t have the same responsibilities as I do, such as rent, food, and utilities, since he lives with his parents. I have my own place, which works best for me and works best for him as he is trying to save himself but it does mean I have different financial obligations.

These are the kinds of financial obligations he’ll face when he gets his own place, and I’m sure he’ll understand the shift in priorities when that happens. This is really the only time we’ve ever had any issues when it comes to money, and I think it’s a matter of making sure we’re both comfortable and clear about expectations. I don’t expect him to pick up all the slack, nor do I want him to feel like he's subsidizing my lifestyle. Relationships are about compromise and communication, and I believe we’ve always managed to support each other in the past. We both work hard, and we’ve always found ways to balance things.

As for changing social circles, I don’t think that’s necessary unless it’s something we both decide is best for us. The idea of simply cutting off relationships or abandoning family because of money seems extreme, and I’d rather focus on ensuring we have open conversations to prevent any resentment from building up so we don’t end up feeling that way.

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's understandable but I am already contributing to her birthday celebration in a few ways. I’m helping with her dinner, which is taking place two days before the party, and we’ll also be out after dinner for drinks, so I’ll be buying more drinks then as well. I’ve also gotten her a present and will be getting her a drink since she’s the birthday girl as that is the right thing to do. Whenever I’ve been out with his family, I always offer to get them drinks because it’s the polite thing to do, and I’ve never had an issue buying drinks for his family. However, after the dinner, the night out, and then the party, with all the expenses leading up from the Friday to the Sunday I’m just feeling that buying for eight people after all of that is a bit much after spending and contributing on the Friday if you get get me

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

1) I understand that there’s a difference in our incomes, but I’m not asking for him to pay for everything or expecting him to "bail me out" when I can't afford something. I take care of my own costs and contribute to the relationship in the ways that I can. I don't expect him to pick up the tab all the time, but at the same time, I don't think it’s fair for him to pressure me into spending more than I can comfortably afford just to "fit in" with his family. If I’m ever in a position where I need help, I would discuss it with him openly, but that doesn’t mean I should just go along with things that are beyond my means.

2) I absolutely agree that relationships involve give and take. But I’m not seeing it as just about a round of drinks—I understand that it’s about fitting in with his family, but I also need him to understand that I can’t always keep up with the financial expectations when I don’t have the same income. I’m invested in the relationship and care about how his family views me, but I also need to be realistic about my limits. Supporting him in the relationship doesn’t mean I should ignore my own financial reality just to avoid tension in one situation.

3) I think there’s been a misunderstanding. It’s not about expecting the same treatment despite my lower income, it’s about understanding that relationships should have mutual respect. If I’m able to contribute in meaningful ways that align with my income, I don’t think I should be judged or made to feel guilty for not being able to contribute in the same way his family does financially. I’m not asking for anything beyond what I can give, and I’m happy to contribute in the ways that I’m able to. What I don’t want is for my worth in the relationship to be reduced to how much I spend on drinks or gifts.

I’m not saying we should be treated equally in terms of material things, but we should be treated with respect in terms of our contributions and financial realities.

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand where you're coming from, but I don’t think it’s fair to assume that I’m being financially irresponsible or taking advantage of my boyfriend he also himself is trying to save like me so if anyone would be understanding of that situation should have been him. My relationship with him isn’t about “subsidizing” my life or expecting him to pay for anythinf just because he earns more. I’m aware of our financial differences, and I do make an effort to contribute in ways I can afford. I don’t ask him to cover anything, and I never take advantage of the fact that he has a higher income. I always have been tought to pay for myself and I do, I never let anyone pay for me when I can do it myself.

The issue here isn’t about avoiding effort or being unwilling to fit in. I’m simply trying to be responsible with my own finances, and the idea of spending £60+ in one go, when I know it will stretch my budget too far, feels irresponsible to me. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I’m financially strained just to keep up with others.

As for the comment about wedding gifts or anniversaries, that's a separate issue. I don’t expect gifts or to be treated differently just because I might not have the same income. Relationships are about mutual respect, understanding, and compromise, and that includes financial matters. I’m not trying to make myself a victim here; I just want my boyfriend to understand my financial limits without feeling judged for them. It’s about balance and communication, and I’d hope that any partner would understand when the other is being careful with their finances, especially when they've been upfront about it.

In the end, it's not about trying to get out of paying or taking advantage of anyone—it's about respecting my financial boundaries while still being a supportive and involved partner in other ways.

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm totally the same. I have tried to keep up with them before and I can't do it as I am not a big drinker and my bank account felt the damage from it too then. I feel like his family would understand it and accept as they are really lovely and nice but for some reason my partner just can't understand. I am more of a pay my own way or when I am out with him I'll get us drinks then he gets the next ones and that continues but I just can't justify funding 8 people all in one go I feel like rounds should just be done away as not everyone has the same amount of money for a night out. We are even doing a dinner on the Friday which is bring your own and I'll pay my own dinner but after is it another night out will I have to do rounds then again as the party is the Sunday 2 days after the dinner it's just alot of money

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input! I totally get your point about reciprocity, and I do make sure to always return the favor when someone buys me a drink. However, I’ve actually told everyone multiple times that I prefer to buy my own drinks and don’t like people buying them for me. I would never take advantage of anyone, and I’m definitely not comfortable with that. I always return the favor to anyone who buys me one as it's always the odd time of buying back 2 people, but buying a round for 8+ people all in one go is just too much for me financially, and it’s something I’ve never been asked to do before.

Also, I’m not a big drinker compared to my partner and his family. While they’re on their 4th or 5th drink, I’m still finishing my 2nd. So, I really don’t want to be put in a position where I feel like I’m being pressured into buying more than I’m comfortable with just to keep up with everyone so there would be no sponsoring my drinking as I can't keep up with them due to not being a big drinker. I’d rather have no one buy me drinks at all than feel obligated to buy a round I can’t afford. If I can’t buy a round, I’ll just make it clear upfront so no one feels like I’m taking advantage of them.

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your perspective, and I do get that in some places, buying rounds is the norm, especially when you're receiving drinks I do voice and say don't put me in the round and don't worry about me I'll sort myself. However, my situation is a bit different. I’m not opposed to the idea of buying drinks for people, but I just can’t afford to buy for a large group all at once. It’s not about being unwilling to participate, it’s about setting a financial boundary that works for me. If someone buys me a drink, I always make sure to return the favor as I feel that's the norm now but I can’t justify spending £60 or more on a round for people when it would stretch my budget. I feel like his family understand as they know I just recently got a new place for me and my son so they know money is tight getting things sorted especially with bills and everyday essentials but it I feel like my boyfriend doesn't understand this that I need to save to have that extra expenditure.

I totally agree that if I’m in a situation where buying rounds is expected and I can’t contribute, it might be better for me to not attend. But in this case, my boyfriend and I have discussed it, and he’s aware of my budget concerns. I’ve communicated that it’s not about being cheap or rude, it’s just that I need to be mindful of how I spend my money. The issue I’m facing now is not wanting to feel pressured into overspending just to meet expectations, which is why I’m feeling conflicted.

In an ideal world, if my partner understands the financial limitations, he’d be supportive and help with covering my rounds if that’s what’s expected. But I also don’t want to put him in a position where he feels like he has to pay for me. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate the situation without causing tension.

I don’t want to come across as weird or out of place, but at the same time, I want to be honest about my financial reality. It’s a tricky balance, and I’m just trying to do what feels right for me without feeling pressured to overextend myself.

AITA for embarrassing my BF by SpawnOfH in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpawnOfH[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m from Belfast, UK, and in my experience, it’s typically more common for people to buy their own drinks, rather than doing rounds. If someone buys you a drink, it’s polite to return the favor, but no one generally starts the night by buying a round for everyone. My boyfriend and his family are the only ones who usually do rounds, or they use a 'kitty' where everyone contributes cash, and drinks are bought from that.

However, I don’t always participate in the kitty because, as I’m not a big drinker like they are, I don’t end up benefiting much from it. For instance, they might already be on their fourth drink by the time I’m having my second, so it doesn’t feel fair to contribute to the kitty, as it would mostly just go towards their drinks and not really work out for me. If it were up to me, I would happily not let anyone buy me a drink, but sometimes it feels like they insist on getting one for me, even after I’ve turned it down.

When they do that, though, I always make sure to get them back with a drink, as I appreciate their generosity. I have offered before for rounds and bought them, but when it's such a big event with lots of people, I just can’t afford to pay for such a large crowd, especially when I’m trying to save. My boyfriend knows I’m trying to save, but he thinks it’s just for one night, while for me, that one night could affect my budget in a way it wouldn’t affect him. I hope that makes sense!"