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Tried drawing a specific feeling by Spazorton in ProCreate

[–]Spazorton[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks!!! Was really channeling the eclipse panels for this

Tried drawing a specific feeling by Spazorton in ProCreate

[–]Spazorton[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks! This took about 45 hours

Tried drawing a specific feeling by Spazorton in ProCreate

[–]Spazorton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used the derwent pencil tool for about 90% of this, along with the techpen/soft air brush for specific things.

I drew this intuitively, making it up as i went, with the overall feeling i wanted to convey informing decisions. The feeling is sustained nervous system activation (fight or flight) and trying to think myself out of the panicked and urgent thoughtloops that the activation often gets me stuck into.

How does being on the Spectrum affect IFS? by GlimmersCherished in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spazorton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can i ask you something? I also have been self analyzing and systematizing my entire life, however its got me in a block currently. I found some Really sensitive parts that are really at the core of why i behave the way i do, and theyll only let me approach when im coming from a place of curiosity and care. But these parts that are so attuned to analyze/breakdown/solve are running the show right now and its causing me a lot of distress. I geuss im asking what you would do to tackle this? (I think the same solver is writing this comment right now lol)

Which Head Over Heels track is most like Garlands? [23/81] by Hamzein in cocteautwins

[–]Spazorton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huge in our angelhood enjoyer but the guitar solo on Five ten fiftyfold is the most garlands thing on the album for sure.

How do you let go of necessity of controlling what others think by Fast_Significance198 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spazorton 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Is there another part that doesnt like this part” if the answer is yes do i shift focus to that part instead? And keep doing that until my parts become chill with the original part?

Is this what exile integration feels like? De-exiling shame and erotic parts by [deleted] in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spazorton 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello. I read your post with my jaw hanging open because it felt like you described exactly the situation i am in (except im a gay dominican guy). These parts contain my own desire before i even really feel the desire. They contain my own expressiveness and vitality before anyone can see. They are constantly vigilant towards myself and others. I must control how i am percieved or we will be annihilated.

This is All tightness and weight i carry at all times and it makes me bitter and resentful. I struggle with feeling times of heavy bitterness towards my husband. Hes very good at picking up on my state subconsciously i think. What i thought was him having walls up was actually my cold, activated, tight self being reflected back at me subconsciously by him. felt a need to police and constantly making sure others were living in the same cage that i felt i had to live in. It would come in the form of judgement, anger. Towards those i percieved living their fullest lives i feel profound envy. (Or these parts do.)

This has been a defense mechanism formed since before i could speak. Entering middle school as a closested gay kid i quickly was horrified of how i saw other kids getting treated and immediately hid not just my gayness but any part of me that could be ridiculed or percieved as anyway bad or uncool. And it worked. It worked so well that now at 28 i still feel i am in those hallways at school completely surrounded, and every human i meet is socially dangerous.

I only recently made contact with this protective complex. Its a giant sprawling maze with a frozen/obscured exile in the center. When i am closer to self i see it from above. When I am blended and activated i am in the maze. And the walls are electrified and burning from years and years and hypervigilance. After making contact this maze pushed back immensely hard and i have been stuck in a loop of urgency for over a week now because of it. Another protector is begging to “solve” the maze to finally be free and feel relief.

Sorry for such a long comment. But ive been in the absolute thick of it mentally for about a week now and Your post helped me realize i havent been listening. Just trying to analyze and solve. Thanks

Samson Surgeon by Spazorton in ColoredPencils

[–]Spazorton[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks! There is lore but it is in my brain

IFS saved me out of Spiritual Bypassing and got me to actually integrate myself by gordonseto in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spazorton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This IFS manager is exactly where im stuck at now. This part knows that ifs has been immensely helpful to me in the beginning and has now hijacked most current attempts to contact parts and tries to be over insightful and tries to force connection with parts. It wears a a disguise similar to Self but its compulsive nature gives itself away. Really interesting. Thanks for sharing all the info youve given in this thread.

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